what could it be?

Poor sweet Vaughn-elise. She is a mess! Her rash has gone from bad to ugly in a matter of a couple days. Benedryl is not helping... so finally today I took her to the doctor, after she started getting liesons and it took over her face I decided enough is enough. They said it looked similar to measles but it was not a bright enough red or something and there has been no reported measles o utbreaks in Iowa so they dont think thats it. THey said its not from an allergic reaction or the benedryl would have helped. BAsically they dont knwo what it is but think its caused by a virus that has chosen to eliminate itslef through the skin instead of through a stuff nose etc. They checked her over and said she is also suffering from ANOTHER ear infection (even though we were just in there and they said she was fine just 10 days ago?!) and she has a raw throat. Poor baby girl. She's a tropper though and acting just fine. I went to walgreens to pick up the three prescriptions that they gave her and waited for almost 30 minutes and they still didnt have them ready so we decided to leave and go out later. She did say she doesnt think its anything contagious and to just watch how VE is acting. IF its not gone in a week to come back. Im thankful that its nothing serious (they dont think) but frustrated that theyd ont know what is causing it. I guess if she is acting fine thats a good sign though!
She is sleeping now but I will try to get some pictures of her tonight after her bath and will post them so you can all see what it looks like. It started out looking like hives and now looks like chicken pox (but its not) all over her back and some of the clumps are quarter size. Its so sad. It just looks miserable. They think the liesions could be from her scratching at it so much that she is tearing the skin so they also gave me some medicated ointment to put on those spots.

Keep her in your prayers!

Some holiday cheer!

gma, papa and uncle matt with VE on Chrismtas morning. Not sure why my camera was being dumb and taking blurry pics. GRRR

The santas

papa with the babies

Drinking from the famous Christmas breakfast tiny glasses. WE are all fighting over who they will be left to in the will.

Her favorite gift (stocking stuff) of all. her bubbles. Who would have known!?

Christmas morning

Opening her stocking

She loved her new books from santa...

Mommy's stocking, VE's stocking and daddy's stocking all lined up

Dont know what she's eating....?

Christmas was great! I hope you all had an awesome holiday! I cannot believe its over again for another year! thats so depressing. I just love Christmas. As always the "we really cut back this year" did not hold true and we got a lot of really great gifts from everyone! I am excited to get home from the Quad cities and get settled back in at home so i can get all my stuff put away and get Vaughn's new toys switched with some older ones. She did great and just loved time with everyone! Christmas eve was lots of fun getting to see and hang out with everyone. We played some fun games this year too and did a fun white elephant gift exchange. It is very sad watching my grandparents age and its always sad that everyone has to take off so early. If we had it our way everyone would stay until late playing cards and drinking eggnog. I wish family got to gether more often, for no reason and not just on the holidays. We will have to work harder at that.

Vaughn-elise has had a rash since she woke up Christmas morning. It is my thinking that she ate somethign on Christmas eve that she was allergic to. It has not gone away yet so tonight I started giving her some benedryl as recommended by the pharmacist. Neither rudy nor i gave her anything new but its easy for her to grab food off of someone's plate, the counter or for someone to give her a friendly bite so we're not sure what she ate really. I feel horrible for her, her poor little armpits are covered in bumps and her entire back and under diaper area, legs, arms and now hands and face. It looks horrible. Poor thing. She doesnt seem too bothered by it, other than being a little more emotional than normal.

We are in the quad cities now doing Christmas with Rudy's family. The weather here is so strange. When we left for his sisters house it was 56 and a serious downpour of rain, thunder and

lightening. within 3o minutes the sky was green and we were under a tornado warning. Within another hour or two the weather had dropped to 20 degrees and the roads were covered in a thick sheet of ice. We were not back to rudy's for 3o minutes before ambulances and cops were just down the street and rudy went out to my car to get something and fell and scraped up his leg. Its nuts. Probably the WEIRDEDST weather day Ive ever seen.

I went out some on Friday for the after Christmas sales and got some great deals on wrapping paper and ornaments, gift tags etc. I could have spent hundreds of dollars on clearance holiday items but broke me could only afford a little bit. I look forward to using it next year though. I am starting to think that gift wrapping and excessories is the buisness to be in! Its so expensive and everyone needs it (birthdays, christmas etc.) and i can never find the kind of design I am looking for or the perfect package accessories. Maybe I need to hook up with target and come up with my own line?!?!

Anyways, I hope everyone had a very merry Christmas and I wish you all a safe and happy new year.

Sorry I have not posted these last few days. The hustle and bustle of gettting ready for the holidays is consuming me:) We were unable to go to the quad cities for Christmas with Rudy's family this weekend due to the weather. (though now looking at it it would have been fine- the weather men made it sound like a terrible mess was coming. ) So we kept busy with other things. I cannot remember exactly what we did but i know it was a busy weekend! Saturday I put up my own tree and since it was way too huge to go in the bedroom, Dad and I cleaned the basement out and made a nice cozy area for it down there. I now have all of "santa's" presents and those from rudy and I to each other down there. They look like so few under that monster of a tree. Sunday we went to church and then did some baking and Monday I helped my mom get ready for company and we cleaned...alot. I am just finishing making crab cakes for Christmas eve and also puppy chow. I am so excited to see everyone and I have been getting so excited for Christmas all around this year. Vaughn-elise helped make a countdown chain a few weeks ago and even though she doesnt know what its for, when she see's me get it out she is so excited to pull one of. Its adorable. We painted her nails yesterday- its so stinking cute. It makes her hands look "not babyish" though which is a little sad. She is learning how to play for very short periods of time by herself. This is nice for me and really shows how much she is growing up and changing. I still have to keep an eye on her all the time but she will sit for about 10 minutes or so and read books when I am doing something else or she will play with her toys in the hallway for a bit without wandering. I just love watching her when she is into something and you can see her mind just a spinning. I wonder what she is thinking about most of the time. Sometimes she just gets very sad. It breaks my heart. She will just be sitting there and then all of a sudden she gets the saddest face and her lip pouts and her eyes water and she will just look at you like "is it okay to break down right now." It breaks my heart. She did it today in walmart too. Just riding in the cart and then all of a sudden she looked very sad and embarrassed. I wanted to cry for her. My eyes were all teary and she just started sobbing. I dont know what sets it off- its so random. It is the worst feeling to see that.

On a better note...

I hope everyone is excited and feels the magic of the holidays! I hope you all have a safe and Merry Christmas. Remember to set cookies out for santa!!

where is that storm anyways?

The End result...

Put your hands up for some sugar cookies...!

Trying to get the sprinkles on the cookie....

A powdered sugar princess...

:)

Is it just me or are we supposed to be iced in by now????!!! Its frustrating to plan on being locked in doors only to find that its a perfectly pleasent day out and you could have planned to do something else. Something fun.

We baked cinnimon sugar cookies today- delicious! Vaughn-elise helped (honestly) as you can tell by the tiny finger prints in the cookies . Dont worry her hands were well washed. She didnt frost them becasue it was difficult but did help with the sprinkles...I let her have one knowing she wouldnt know what to do with it, and she played with it and would take a small bite or two and then "hide it" on her lap and say " all gone, more??...more?!" What a trickster.

big time ouchy....

Today was horrible. Just horrible. I woke up in an okay mood...as the day went on, it got worse. Midway through the day about 12:50 we were playing in the living room. Vaughn was getting tired but due to her early desire to go to bed lately I was trying to keep her up until 2. She was playing and running around and then before I could catch her she tripped on her feet and smacked her face into the edge of the brick fireplace. I was terrified to see her face and sure enough its banged up. Above her left eye is all raw and scraped up and her eye is swollen. I wanted to throw up and I am sure she felt the same way. Of course I was out of infant pain reliever and of course it was storming so I could not take her out in it. She did okay and within an hour was back to normal. She did go to bed extra early tonight and I am sure she has had the biggest headache all day. Broke my heart. She kept pointing to her eye and saying "no no". I felt so bad I just wanted to hold her all day. that has to be the worst feeling in the world- watching your baby get hurt.

good ole family time

Yesterday was a great day. I needed it! Church had thier childrens program that was really cute- it was very different than the "traditional program" (which i miss seeing) but was interactive and a neat way to get a glimpse into the life of that time when Christ was born...you really felt like you were walking the busy streets of bethleham. We came home and Matt and Maria came over for lunch and shortly after rudy came too. We sat around for HOURS until about 7 ish at night just playing board games and cards. We took VE's Christmas photos. I didnt like the family ones so I am just using the ones of her for the cards. (which i am excited to get sent out.) I cannot believe Christmas is just a week and a half away! we are going to Bettendorf this weekend to do Chrismtas with Rudy's family. I really hope the weather cooperates as I do not want to travel if the roads are nasty.

Oh yeah- we had our cookie exchange on Saturday as well with the women from church. It was fun- we got lots of delish cookies and some great girl time in.

VE has been going to sleep SO EARLY!!! Like 5:30 or 6 ish!!! I cannot keep her awake and if i do it is complete chaos due to her being so tired! She must just be growing so much or something. She sleeps all night too. Last night she went to sleep at 10 til 6 and slept til 7:30 this morning! I guess if she needs the sleep.....!?? We are transitioning to one nap per day so that might be causing the need for extra sleep...maybe she is not ready for the transition?? Who knows. Sigh.

We are going to stay inside this week as much as possible. It is -2 outside right now with a windchill of - 24. Yup negetive 24. Thats winter in iowa for you....no snow though. i hate that. if its going to be butt cold then it should at least be snowy and pretty right? Hopefully there will be snow on Christmas at least. I really need to run to the store and get some food for VE but I will not be taking her out in this weather. the news said frostbite will occur within just a couple minutes to any exposed skin! YIKES!!!! So I will either be getting creative or having someone else stay home with her. Well I gotta go tend to the babe....will do better about writing daily and will post pics later today!

Do you believe in Ghosts?

I do. this may be weird, but i 100% believe in them. in another realm that most people dont tap into. I think some spirits do stay here on earth and I cannot quite figure out why that is yet. Ever since I got very sick when I was 7 I have seen things, felt things etc. I dont tell alot of people this because they think im weird and stupid. I started seeing things in Chariton in the big house. I was very sick and i saw a lady in my sisters doorway (my mom and sister and dad can attest to the terror I felt that night when i saw her.) the image has stuck with me, open arms, long white tattered dress, long blond straight hair, wierd rigid features. She was beautiful and terrifying. Ever since then, i havent seen her, but others. Sometimes it just seems normal, ill be walking and see someone going down the hallway or sitting somewhere or leaving a room and i double take and then realize its no one there. Tonight, i m having a VERY weird night. I cannot stop looking over my shoulder, its that weird feeling that someone is watching you or around, i hear footsteps and its just VE and i home....i hear doors opening etc. Its terrifying. The fireplace door just opened. I want someone to come home and be here....its petrifying. its not my imagination...its daily occurances that turn scary sometimes. Rudy can attest, he's been there when the scary things happen, when i wake up and trully believe someone is in the room, i can see them, describe what they are wearing, the look on their face, etc. i have only seen men. I trully believe that it has something to do with being so close to death and that somehow my body now tunes into something else. I cannot explain it and I just wish it was gone- I cannot stand it. Nothing physical ever happens to me, but I wake up often and see three men in my room. middle aged, gross looking men, one always by my door sitting with his knees up to his chest and arms folded on his knees staring at me, and one one either side of the bed staring down. the same three men, my whole life. anyways, think im crazy....and nights like this- i feel like i am too. I hate this creepy uneasy feeling. Rudy is coming over....hopefully that helps.

lazy day

Vaughn-elise's first Christmas ornament EVER!

This is the new obsession, riding around in this wagon...or standing in it as is the case most days.

Today is pretty boring. I did find one of the items I wanted for Chrismtas ( a heated towel warmer) for a FRACTION of the cost, so I was pumped. Its very cold in my bathroom and I hate giving VE a bath because she freezes so I thought it would be great to be able to bundle in warm towels when we are done. Now that i think of it, I am sure a space heater would have worked as well, but those get hot to the touch- anyways. Also took a nap with Vaughn which i have not done....in a couple months so that was relaxing and nice. Though I always get thrown off becuase there are so many things i like to do when she is asleep (pick up, laundry, shower, wrap gifts) that I feel strange when I wake up and havent done any of that.

Its almost the weekend and we are having a cookie exchange party with church here at my moms house so I am trying to find a few great recipes to share...

The Count Down is ON!!!!

I am very much now in the Christmas mood. I think not having my own place to decorate has put a little "bah humbug" in my step lately. If anyone knows me, you all know that I am the CHRISTMAS obsessed, listening to carols starting August, Spending more on paper and ribbons than on gifts, decorating freak. I have always gotten this strong sense of peace and joy around the holidays and whenever around Chrsitmas things...i never have a problem when Chrsitmas stuff is in stores before halloween! I just decided today that I need to snap out of it. I have a ton to be thankful for...so much and Iwant to make this year special for Vaughn just as I would in my own aparmtnet. I wanted to move to the basement so I felt like i had my own place and could put up my own tree and the holiday decor that I got at the Color drive in October....but sicne that was nixed right away i decided heck with it, I will decorate my room as much as I can. So today I spent all day cleaning and organizing and then rearranged my room. I am getting my new (bought off craigslist for way cheap this summer) tree in my room and decorate it. I removed all the pictures in my room and put up all my christmas pictures and decorations. I am excited. I have been wrapping lately and even though I did not have money to spend alot this year on bows and ribbon, i did throw down 8 dollars to get new bows and have enjoyed wrapping all my gifts and looking at them shimmer. I love it, its so magical and amazing. I TRULLY hope Vaughn has the same child like excitement for the holidays as i do for her entire life! Rudy has no fond memories of the holidays. He says they did not decorate, he knows not one Christmas song, he doesnt buy gifts for his family and depending on the year he will get gifts or not. I find it trully sad that such a huge amazing holiday could be looked on with such a "blase" feel. I hope Vaughn does not feel that way about holidays, and moreso, I hope I do a good job at making things special and exciting for her so that she remembers always our traditions and fun things we do around the holidays so she wants to do those things with her children someday.
She made her first tree ornament the other night...she was so cute and got so excited putting it on the tree. She didnt get it obviously but I made a huge deal about it so she was excited too....I need to post some pictures but have misplaced the cord that goes from my camera to computer so I need to hunt that down and then will have lots to post.

Happy Holidays to you all!!!!!!

A Little Charity Work....

Today I rang bells for the Salvation Army's Red Kettle Charity. I was at Kmart. Although it was a bit chilly it really was an awesome experience and something I plan to do every year from now on. I cannot wait until VE is old enough to go. When I got there, there was a big group of 7-8 year old kids and a chaperone and they were all singing Christmas Carols. It was soo stinking cute.
It was really interesting to watch people's reactions to the whole thing. Some of them avoided eye contact, others felt their pockets and walked on by, many stopped and told me how much they appreciate people standing in the cold to do that, others stopped to tell me when they are scheduled to ring bells, some said they admired me for taking time out of my day to do that, others threw in 100's, 20's, 10's etc....it was really crazy. I figured people would all be the same, throw in a buck and keep going. Thats what I usually do. No more! I didnt think people really took the time to appreciate that people take time out of thier lives to do that....not that its about that- but it takes alot of people to make that program suceed and my measly afternoon was nothing compared to the dedication some people put into it. Someone had to come and dump the money midway through my shift and that was so neat. It was sweet to see parents giving their children money to put in there and telling them that by doing that they are helping to make tough times easier on someone, some explained that it was helping other kids get holiday gifts. It was just neat.

As weird as it sounds, i think it would have been even better if it had been snowing- it would have really felt like Christmas then.

i encourage anyone who has an extra couple of hours to volunteer to do this- its a great thing. www.ringbells.org

happy holidays!

19 days til Christmas!!!!

Last night I met a friend in town that I hadnt seen in almost 6 years. It was nice to catch up. We got coffee, a bite to eat and then I helped her find a Chrismtas dress and was able to FINISH the rest of the shopping I had to do. (except for VE and rudy's stocking...)
Today has been a very lazy day- rudy came over to play with Ve this morning, I baked some cookies, we have played, not alot going on. I am super anxious to start wrapping presents- thats my alltime favorite part! I need to get some pretty bows and ribbons and then I can get started! I like to have the wrapped so i can sort of forget what I bought everyone- its more fun when they open it that way, Im suprised too:)

Tomorrow I am ringing the salvation army bells....all alone:( I wanted to do it, and still do, but I will probably feel like a freezing idiot all alone out there. I will have to bundle as its supposed to be a FREEZING day. Starbucks you will be coming with me! It is only for 2 hours so I should manage okay. hopefully it will make me feel cheery and holiday like. who knows. aparently they have hardly anyone volunteering to do it this year so I am glad I signed up.

Let it snow...let it snow....let it snow!

SO, I hate driving in the snow, but I LOVE the snow. This morning I bundled VE up in tons of layers and scarves and hat and gloves and a big winter coat and snow boots and out we went to play in the snow. UNFORTUNATELY I left my camera at thanksgiving, but i did take my video camera...it was hillarious. And apparently Sadie dog thought VE was a giant pink salt block or something becuase she wouldnt stop jumping on her or licking her. VE didnt mind but it was annoying me cause i had to keep stopping the tape and yelling at sadie. it was fun! i am glad we got to go out...it was cold but nice to get outside again and play. We do have to work on figuring out how to move in all that get up! She was overjoyed and ate snow off her mittens, shoes (brand new, not dirty) and coat when we got in until it all melted. then she cried.

Nothing expected going on this week...just trying to stay busy with fun, new things...some crafts, probably a few trips to town, some wrapping. I am ready for Christmas and for VE to get some new toys because we are both getting tired of the ones she's been playing with for months. That might sound bad- but she's bored and im sick of the same songs....they need to be put up for a while and brought back out in a few months....

Happy snow man building to you all!

Today went fast!

Returned some impulse buys from my shopping extravaganza.

Picked up a few things I forgot

Went to the dollar store (we have a love hate relationship)

Played with VE

cleaned the bedroom and partial bathroom

Decorated the Christmas Tree

Played with VE

Watching along came polly.

Then going to bed.

tomorrow is dad's birthday...not sure what the plans are....

Shopping HIGH

So, Im "one of those crazy people" who took off at 3 am to hit the bargains. and I LOVED EVERY MINUTE OF IT. I went alone so I could go as fast/slow as I wanted and shop for everyone on my list. I started with Khols...(I now trully believe the craziest people are khols shoppers.), then to Old Navy (who sold out of their door busters within 9 minutes...lame) and then on to target (another group of crazy crazy people..including me) and then to breakfast with rudy and vaughn, then best buy, then home. Rudy gave me some cash and let me pick some of my own presents out- which I thought id hate, but honestly it was fun...i could see somehting i wanted and not feel bad buying for myself around the holidays! So, I dropped "my pressents" off at his place and brought the rest home. Im so excited for Christmas. What an ADRENELINE RUSH!!!!!!
Im all done now- except for my dad, cause he's the hardest person ever to shop for- so im still debating on him!

HAPPY SHOPPING

movie night? uhhh...yeah right

what WAS I thinking? did I forget that i am a mom now and of course cannot go to a movie and enjoy it? Rudy called today and said some of the people from his work were going to see 4 Christmases that opened in theaters today. he knew I was wanting to see it and asked if I wanted to go. I had intended on leaving VE home but my parents went to town tonight so i decided, what the heck- I'll take her. It cant be that bad right? She'll go to sleep ten minutes into it. YEAH RIGHT! She spilled pop, cried, rolled around, danced on the seat, screamed, ate some fruit snacks, spilled more pop (and was soaking wet because of it), climbed on some one else's lap, cried....you get the picture. Rudy took her out and I can just imagine everyone in the theater saying " WHY ON EARTH would you bring a baby to a movie?" I know I would have been saying that. But hte truth is, sometimes you NEED to get out and do things- but i wont ever do this adventure again...not for another 4 years. No way! I went out and relieved rudy and then missed the next 3/4 of the movie. SUCKY! I was disappointe and felt bad for her that she was so tired and wasnt able to fall asleep. Plus, I was wearing furry black tall boots and my feet were sweating soo bad because it was 10, 0000 degrees in there! Miserable. I am spent. Baby in bed, Mama pooped. Grrrr.....

I am THANKFUL for...

*good health!
*my sweet baby girl.
* a working car
*God has provided enough money for me to pay my bills while I am unemployed...
*my family and friends (cliche but true)
*cell phones.
*warm clothes
*careerbuilder and desmoineshelpwanted.com
*Rudy and his growing maturity and great relationship with VE
*my niece and nephew
*flannel sheets
*Target :)
* a house- I cannot imagine having no where to go on these cold nights.
*God's love and grace even when we least deserve it.
*the internet that allows us to keep in contact with distant family and friends.
*to be an American where our life is about choices
*turkey, sweet potatoes, pumpkin pie
*Vaughn's sweet laugh and goofy dance moves

HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE!!! Enjoy and eat up!

What are you thankful for?

udder exhaustion

Thats me today....completely and udderly exhuasted. i dont know why. I feel like I have mono or something (though im sure i dont since I had it in college.) I am just pooped! Vaughn has been getting up alot in the night lately. last night was bad gas. she went to sleep at 6:35 last night, just fell asleep on my lap! and then was up all night off and on...i felt bad for her because i know that she must have been miserable - her poor tummy was rock hard. Anyone know a good home remedy for babies with gas? please pass it on if you do. I dont think she has had anything new lately so i dont know whats going on. this morning I took her to rudy's at 7:30 and let them play and run errands and I slept!!! It felt great but im still tired. Maybe its the cold weather playing a part. Who knows....im blaming it on the lack of solid sleep. i have ALWAYS been a sleeper- I need at least 8 hours of SOLID sleep or I am a walking emotional zombie.I know know how to be okay on less sleep or interupted sleep.

Grrr....
Well Im off to hunt for a new fun recipe for thanksgiving....not sure what to make!!

Back ache, paper cuts on every finger, hunchback, tired, stiff neck, sore tailbone. That is what will happen when you offer to do a envelope stuffing job for your mom! :) i think I need some serious physical therapy. After 25.5 hours of stuffing envelopes and putting address stickers on almost 4000 envelopes, I couldnt be more of a wreck. I must be aging quickly cause i am a mess! I was up til 1 am doing it and then again at 6:30 this morning, so needless to say im going on little sleep and sore fingers. But its money so Ill stop complaining now.

Thanksgiving is on Thursday- Mmmmm. I am trying to decide what to make. I get excited to see everyone but through the years the holidays have gotten sad as well as exciting. My dear sweet gma on my dads side cannot remember a thing, my gpa is always sick with something and in pain, my gpa and uncle dont talk, cousins who have lost touch....its always something. the food is always good and its always great to catch up, but the older I get the more i understand that its not always the happy go lucky get together that i remembered as a child. It is sad. But I am thankful beyond belief for my family- as crazy and disfunctional as we all may be. I am blessed to be able to have my grandparents around for the holidays and I will cherish the get togethers forever. What are you r holiday plans?

sleepy craziness

CRAZY. that defines today. Sweet VE is in a GREAT goofy mood and is into EVERYTHING. Its one of those days that I just want to kiss her and cry all in one. I have been trying to pick up the bedroom and get some laundry under control and cannot get one thing done, she's tearing up books, bills, destroying her diaper bin, taking trash out of the garbage, pullingpapers down, eating qtips, pulling wrapping paper off the roll....she's being a little stinker and i have been struggling to handle it today. There is no beneficial punishment for her at this age because she doesnt totally understand it. Normally she stops when I say no...not today. So frustrating. I had just gotten all the trash, papers etc put in a garabge bag in my room wih diapers etc, I turned around to grab somethign she was pulling off the dress and turn around and she had dumped the entire bag all over. Grr....
I am needing some time alone, to go get a coffee, run to the store by myself, just a few minutes alone. I love her to pieces but am needing a short break to rejuvinate myself and come back with a fresh mind. SIGH.

Brrr...

Its official "freaking cold" outside! I am going to have to pull out my mittens and scarves.

Last night was my birthday dinner- I requested meatloaf and cheezy broccoli. It was delicious and it was great getting together. We havent done gourmet night lately so it was nice doing dinner with everyone! Thanks guys for the gifts and great food!

Christmas season is in full swing much earlier than normal this year. Both for myself and everyone else apparently. We went to walmart today to get VE some food and diapers....it was the middle of the day on a thursday and the place was packed, people were pushy, blocking off isles with their carts and making everyone else wait for them to finish. Its getting plain nasty out there. Normally I love the hustle and bustle and "drama" of holiday shopping....I fight for parking spaces, and battle the crowds and feel somewhat jolly doing it...Not this year (and its not even thanksgiving yet!!!!) I think when you have a child who is screaming, wanting a "cacker", trying to find a restroom to change a dirty diaper in, a baby wanting out of the stroller/cart etc....the fun holly jolly holiday shopping becomes a terror and online shopping sounds much more realistic. So thats probably what I will do this year for the most part.

Happy (grouchy/pushy) holidays to everyone!

I am exhausted today. It was a very very long night and today I feel defeated, restless, discontent, and uneasy. I hate this feeling. I hate feeling like how i feel and what I want is not validated. Sweet Vaughn-elise is sleeping. She's such a precious sweet joy to me....and even when i feel rundown and in a rut, she always never ceases to amaze me and make me feel blessed. Regardless of what anyone else says, she is THE BEST thing I have ever done in my life. I cannot fathom life without her and I work daily to make sure she feels loved and empowered. She lightens my world. She was chatting with an old lady at a store today and that lady just kept saying how sweet she is...and she is! The lady was talking to her about a computer and vaughn just chatted like she new so much about it! :)

I am ready for he holidays, ready to decorate, music, the whole bit. I am ringing the salvation army bells next saturday at a KMART here in dsm. Its the first year I have done it so I only agreed to do it for 2 hours but i am excited to see how it goes.

I just had an interview at a Chiropractor's office in Waukee...it went great. Lets pray it goes through. He has more interveiws but he hours would be great....I would still get to spend alot of time with VE so that would make going back to work much easier.

Spent some quality time with friends this weekend and went do dinner wtih matt and maria last night...overall a good weekend. Not alot planned this week...just hanging out with the girly- hoping to get some more christmas shopping done.

well....im 25!

Old...yup, thats me! Soon, I will fart cobwebs....

Today was fun. Rudy took VE and myself to Machine shed for breakfast. Mmmm...too much food, but we enjoyed it. Came home, took a nap and then played for a few hours. I met amanda in des moines at the mall and we let the kiddos play around the play area. (small tangent...big kids should NOT be allowed in the play area. they are bullies and selfish about the toys). VE wanted to enterct and play with all the kids and they kept ignorning her. It broke my heart!

We walked around and did some window shopping....and then VE was EXHAUSTED so we went home. I ate dinner at DQ with dad and now we're home watching super manny (a new one wiht a guy nanny.) Im pooped and ready for bed. Big day tomorrow with friends...lunch, shopping, dinner...BIRTHDAY GIRL TIME! I miss my friends and love when I can hang with them for a day...every women needs that. I cant wait.

I am getting really sick of being inside all day! So is Vaughn-elise. I was going to bundle her up today and take her down to the park for a bit to let her get out and to give us both some fresh air...and then it started raining. Yuck. While I am home we are going to have to find some other things to do- the mall play area at the mall- the science center (dont know if she's too young for this) -jumpin' jacks...something! I know how bored I am, I cannot imagine how tired of her toys and this area of the house she must be! i feel horrible for her and need to be much better about mixing things up. She painted today which was a fun adventure for her- until she ate the paint, then we had to stop. Baths are fun but then she starts getting cold. Im just frustrated. I know she is too.
Any ideas of some things we can do?
I know we could move out of this one area of the house- but its simply too dangerous-I dont want to have to constantly tell her "No, dont touch that, vaughn, no...stop...thats breakable....no no...." so i have babyproofed this room as much as possible. If we go to the living room, she wont stay in there and there's nothing in there that she can play with anyways- she j ust wants to get into the pottery, the breakables on the floor, bang on the glass etc...if we go downstairs she is into the boxes of papers laying around, pullling on all the plants, tearing apart the book shelf....she is sick on the bedroom.
I am excited, anxious, and cant wait for her to be able to have a PLAY ROOM some day! She wont know what to do if she is free to roam and play with whatever she wants. I tried switching out her toys some today, putting the ones on top into a separate basket and letting her get into the ones she doesnt usually play with, we played with some in the hall...sigh...

tomorrow is my birthday- 25!?!?!? I am a quarter of a century old...halfway to fifty....im having a quarter life crisis I think...I feel blah, uncomfortable in my own skin, unsatisfied with where my life is right now, in need of a makeover-mentally, physically and spiritually....
I have gotten an obsession with traveling to antartica lately...i dont know why- i just imagine the breath of that fresh, untainted air would trully cleanse you. I just cannot imagine the beauty of the animals, the glaciers....i have looked it up for a possible long time from now vacation cruise adventure...its CRAZY EXPENSIVE! I looked up volunteer excursions....none. Oh well. maybe someday.

Anyways, nothing big planned for my birthday, my mom is going out with some of her friends and rud works late. I think he and I will go out to eat probably since i got a free birthday burger from red robin and thats what we did for his brithday too. I am hoping to get Vaughn out and do somehting new and fun....Dinner with a friend on saturday....man, Im old! No parties, no weekend getaways...just another day. But i get to spend it with my sweet gorgeous daughter who brightens my world. What more can i ask?!?

Ahhhh....sleep

FINALLY! Last night was a VERY restfull night. VE went to bed at 7:30 when we got home and she slept til around 6 when I gave her a bottle and she fell back asleep til 8:15!!!!!! GOD DOES ANSWER PRAYERS!!!! She is in a great active mood so far this morning. She did just get back on her milk from after being sick...could being off milk cause that much distruption in a baby or is there still something else wrong? I guess time will tell...

Last night was sweet Gabi's 3rd birthday. It was at jumpin Jacks ( a playhouse) in des moines and we had a blast. VE loved the bounce house....its some place we will have to take her again. And I cannot believe little gabs is 3 already!!!

i think we are on the uphill side of things...vaughn is doing better- though her nights are still rough and sleepless and i battled it all yesterday and am feeling better today. YAY. We will be attending the birthday girl's party tonight and enjoying the festivities! HOORAY!

Yup- she's still sick. She threw up saturday night and twice last night.... still has nasty diapers and cries all the time. Last night she woke up and screamed and screamed and nothing I could do would make her feel better...tried bottle, tried rocking, bouncing, singing, everything...she was just miserable. My parents woke up and took her for a few minutes so I could get some relief and she could get a change and she ended up falling asleep with my dad in the chair so he slept there with her all night. I fell asleep and feel horrible that I didnt even wake up and go give my dad a break. I guess I am able to sleep as long as I know she's being take care of. I still feel that if she is sick, i shouldnt be able to sleep well either...which until that small stretch last night- I havent. She has slept for most of the day today and when she's not sleeping she is crying. I think its more than the flu, its either her teeth (she just got two new ones and is working on 6 more that are almost in...) or an ear thing. Not sure- but I want her better! i miss my sweetie! Gabi's party is tomorrow and i want her to feel great for it. Or at least better. Rudy has it now too....am i next?!
We are taking her to the doctors at 2:30 to see whats up...poor thing.

Not the FLU!!!

Yup- its hit....
Little sweet VE has the flu. Last night she threw up 15 times. She did not fall asleep until 4 am and then slept for 2 hours. Poor thing. I feel horrible for her, she looked so scared and terrified....every blanket and every tshirt in the house was covered and until an hour or so ago this place reaked of throw up. She was doing good, having a fun day...though sleeping lots...until tonight, she was getting tylonol and threw up everywhere. She is sleeping now...poor girl. I hope she has a good night and gets some rest. So much for the flu shot eh? Who's next!?!?

SNOW?!?!?

YAY! Its nice to see, though I will miss the fall terribly when the snow decides to stick to the ground. Last night was L O N G! Vaughn was up about 6 times just screaming and crying and it took sooo long to get her to calm down...idk what was wrong with her or if its her teeth or if she had a tummy ache but it was horrible. I felt sooo bad for her and i was just pooped....luckily my mom came and took her for a bit this moning so I could catch up on my zzzzs. Her day is running about 2 hours ahead now....early naps, early lunch etc.....we'll see how tonight goes. the parents are out of town so Im on my own....hopefully she sleeps well.

Mr. (future) President Obama

I feel very blessed to live in this country- to live in a country where we can choose to change the path, the horrible path that America has been led down for such a long time now. I am excited to see the changes in the future-- though I am not naive and understand all may not be good ones...it has to be better than the way we are at this point. America has so many enemies and I cannot imagine those bonds could be more worse of than they are at this point. I know not everyone (obviously) is in support of this president but I have to say i am proud that America has made such strides, that the race barrier is no longer an issue for those who have always struggled with that and that we can finally get fresh eyes in office. I hope this country is able to come together and have EVERYONE, even those who wish mccain would have won, support Obama and bring this country back to a group of people instead of millions of individuals. I know people are sayign we need less govnt not more...I agree to an extent, but look at where that has gotten us. Not only that, but the govnt has greatly interfered in our lives by allowing this nation to be flushed down the toilet, by creating wars to fight other peoples battles instead of focusing our undying attention on the country that burtally attacked our own great country. THAT was a war I approved of!

I will stop....and I hope all of the McCain supporters can find it in them to stop as well. Obama is ALL of our president, for good or bad...just as Bush was...for good or for bad. I will continue to pray for him and for our country and he, like any president, will do the best job he knows how to do...

ELECTION DAY!!!! WHOOP WHOOP

How exciting! We are all making history. I do hope everyone voted. I did. My first voting ever and I feel like it couldnt be more important than right now. obama had my vote today and I was proud to be able to go in and vote and feel like I had educated myself and paid attention and was voting with confidence. It was kind of a nerverackign, emotional day...which i didnt expect! Its just so relieving that we are actually going to get (pardon me) this IDIOT out of the white house and really start seeing some changes. Since I have been personally effected by the economy in the loss of my job i cannot wait for things to start looking up. I will be glued to the TV all night and am so excited to see the results. I didnt get a sticker though- I was bummed about that.

GO VOTE!

A weekend recap...

Rudy and his nephew both have birthdays on Halloween so they had a big dinner and cake...mmmm
Vaughn-elise

Getting her candy from Janet:)

Grouchy Vaughn, pre trick or treating...

She hid in the closet most of the time before we went out....

reading..

What a busy weekend we had! Friday, halloween was fun and stressful. The day went well, we went to eat with rudy for his brithday and ran a few errands. Vaughn is getting 6 teeth in so that made her in a pretty edgy mood. i was so excited for her to go trick or treating...she was much less excited about it. She cried the first hour she was in her costume so we hung around home and let her cry it out....tired, in pain...not a good combo. She snapped out of it though and we took her to 4 people's houses that we know. She was so cute- walked right up and put her hand out for the candy....too cute. Came back and then rudy and I got ready for our friends costume party. Rudy was a make shift raisin, myself- a peacock. It was fun but Im not used to being up past 10 so I was exhausted. Then saturday morning we took off for the Quad Cities. I was tired and hesitant to go especialy with Vaughn's crankiness but she did great and it was nice for her to have a change of scenery and some new faces to entertain her. She was pooped too by the end of the weekend and slept most of sunday. Poor girl- all tuckered out!

now its back to the daily grind...job hunting (waiting to hear about an interview that was last week....cross your fingers)...organizing stuff..selling stuff (good ole craigslist)....trying to entertain the little one....

Have a great week everyone!

Lots to do today....
Trying to figure out if/what I am going to dress up as for my friends halloween party...
Getting rudy's birthday presents...
I need to clean very badly and organize so I picked up some rubbermaid containers at the store and will be organizing and selling whatever I dont want/need.
Rudy and I are selling lots of ours stuff on Craigslist so today there are somethings that are supposed to be picked up but so far, no one has called....hope they come because im tired of waiting! THats the stinky thing about craigslist...you get 15 people who say they want to buy what your selling and then, no one follows through. He is selling his yucky old couch and chair and we've had like 4 people say they were going to come over and get it and then never show...someone's supposed to come today (but call before they come) and so far, nothing...grr...iritating..

Tomorrow's halloween....Yay, I helped my brother put together his costume...80's chick. Its cute..he looks hilarious. That kinda got me in the spirit....I think its great when adults can get into the fun too....costume parties...whatever....

I love fall!!!

Breathe it in....Sigh....perfection...

I have been having a hard time getting into halloween this year...I am excited for Vaughn but as far as the things I normally cant wait for (Haunted houses, dressing up, halloween parties, decorating, carving pumpkins...) I just cant seem to get into it. i dont know if its because this is the first halloween in a VERY long time that I am not living on my own- so I dont have my own place to decorate, my own place to put my pumpkins or what it is...in college halloween was HUGE, probably because its Rudy's birthday so we always did it up big...dramatic costumes, lots of paries, preparing for weeks and weeks for it....this year i was hesitant to plan anything because i wanted to make sure i was home wiht Vaughn -elise and had plenty of time to get her stuff together...I dont know, I ve just been in a slump.

my friend Kendal is having a huge all night halloween party from like 9 pm until 5 am. rudy has wanted to go to that from the start- and its not that i didnt, i just wasnt feeling it...but he has convinced me. As long as my parents are okay watching Vaughn, I think we will go...We are headed to the quad cities this weekend for Rudy's birhtday celebration with his family. I really dont want to travel again this weekend...its just alot of preparing and alot of being out of the routine for Vaughn. i feel bad when seh has to spend all that time in the car. But, rudy really wants us to go and its his birthday, so we will.

We came home and played outside. She loved playing in the leaves and Sadie loved playing with her. i love going outside, playing in the crisp (not too cold) fall air...too fun!

Happy Early Birthday to me!!!

This has been most of my day....

She LOVES her babies...

beautiful baby

YAY!! Today a package came for me from UPS....what was it? A NEW CAMERA!!! Hooray!!! I have been needing one of these for so long now so Rudy got me one for my birthday!!! Thanks Rudy! He wanted me to have it before halloween so now i can put lots of pictures on my blog! hooray!!! It made my day. I've never used Kodak before but had been looking at this specific camera because it seems great...we'll see how it turns out. I am still getting used to it.

Vaughn is getting 6 teeth in all at the same time. 4 on top and 2 on bottom...she's especially cranky and uncomfortable today. I feel bad for her. She just comes up and lays on me. She is scared of everything- cars going by, sadie barking...everything...yikes. long day.

This weekend went very well. We got alot of "family time" in with Vaughn-elise, Rudy and myself. Rudy called friday night and said he had "absolutely nothing planned" for saturday and so..we made plans. Origionally we wanted to get up early and take Vaughn to the pumpkin patch, home for a nap and then to night eyes with my sister and their family...we instead ran alot of errands, stopped at the mall just for fun and "pretend shopped" in some jewelry stores. We then went back to the apt and let vaughnie sleep and then went to the pumpkin patch. Amanda and Phillippe decided they werent going to night eyes and vaughn was awfully cranky so we also skipped it and instead took our time at the pumpkin patch. I gotta say, I was highly disappointed in Patch's Pumpkins. It was very much talked up to be some great thing...not so much. Searching for the perfect pumpkins was fun, but the rest of it was dirty and kinda lame. Maybe if Vaughn was a little older she would have liked it but we just couldnt believe how dirty it was. We let her get in the bounce house by herself for a few minutes and she did like that. We ended up getting two pumpkins and were going to carve them (rudy has never carved a pumpkin before..??? what kind of childhood is that?!?!?) but have not yet done that...maybe some morning this week we can do that. They are little petite ones so we weren't sure if we should just set them out (I think they last longer that way). It was fun though and I am glad we went...

Later that night Matt and Maria came over to Rudy's and we watched three movies, ate pizza and had a really really good time. So the movie picks werent that amazing but it was fun.

Sunday we attempted church...vaughn however was exhausted and gets very chatty when she's tired, so we left and I brought her home where she instantly crashed. poor thing.

We spent the day with rudy and then he came over this evening for a bit too. It was really nice getting to spend the weekend with him. Things are going great and we've been getting along perfectly (knock on wood).

This weekend is his birthday (on Halloween) and I am still debating what to get him...i have some ideas but just havent narrowed it down yet. I am so excited for Vaughn's first halloween where she can really dress up and have fun. I know she wont really get it get it but she loves to wear her costume so I am very excited for her.

She's been so mischeivious lately and its really wearing me out!!! Poor thing gets so frustrated hearing no all the time and being removed from situations that sometimes she just breaks down and cries... I wanna do the same thing after hours of trying to distract her from things....

Rudy and I were talking today about what a strong personality she already has....hope thats a good thing...:) Well for now i am exhausted...I must go to bed!

Life IS always beautiful...i just have to keep telling myself this. There is alot weighing on me right now with my relationship with rudy. At this point, we have decided to date again and the more serious we get about making a lifetime commitment to each other the more scared I get. I am ready and excited to be settled down (if he decides this is what he wants) and I am ready to move past dating and to really have a life wiht someone and have a family for VE. Most of the time I want this with him, others I am concerned that things would go back to the way they were, that our long term goals are still very different, I dont want to be "just half the rent payment" to him and I dont want him to want to be with me for this reason. He is very unreadable most of the time. Its scary. We did go look at a condo today that we both love and rudy thinks its something we should go forward with. Who knows what will happen. I do miss him though.

Vaughn-elise is having a rough day....tired I think. Her sleep schedule has been so off...somenights she falls asleep at 6, others its 8:30. Some mornigns she sleeps til 6 and others its 8:00. Somedays she has two naps, others just one. I thought being at home it would be easier to mandate a better schedule wtih her but since she's growing so much, her needs are different and i have a hard time reading it.

I feel we have been very busy lately but with nothign in particular. I am still looking for a job and that stresses me out. good news though, I takled with united healthcare today and I can get individual insurance for 89 per month when it would cost me 350 for cobra. Thats a good thing...at least i know if i am unemployed for a while longer i can still have affordable healthcare that is comparable to my previous plan.

I am exhausted running around trying to keep vaughn out of everything, the plants, the cookbooks, the stairs, the tv cords, the magazines, the books, the mail, the breakable pottery all close to the ground, the decorative things, the CDS, DVDs, its exhausting. I am so ready to have my own place that I can baby proof and keep things up and out of her reach. It would be different if we were not hear all day but she gets bored and then she gets into everything.
Today I put the gate up to keep her with her toys in the kitchen and RAN down the hall to grab my phone and ran back to see her standing on the botton step saying "uh oh!" she had escaped and gone down the stairs in a matter of 30 seconds. Sigh. She is awake....must go tend to her...

new pics...

what can I say? She loves to break into dance whenever she gets the feelin..

my girl has some rhythm, she gets it from her daddy!

doing her booty dance.

This is a MAJOR problem...we now have chairs and boxes lining the entire fireplace....she is obsessed with it!

Birthday girl!!!

On the hayride in Illinios

Bright sun...bad picture, but its of the two of us so I thought id post it..plus i have to show off her cute outfit:)

On daddy's shoulders..

Happy birthday baby girl! This was hilarious, she would hardly even touch it...finally she picked it up and pulled off tiny pieces...very dainty. Cute!

This is how she normally eats! haha

catching up....

I havent posted in a long time as its been very busy. We went to the color drive this weekend and spent some time at the family farm. Its my favorite place ever...even thought I always, without fail feel like crap when i am there. not sure if its something in the house or what but it doesnt take away from the feeling I have when I am there....
its harder now to go there, missing my grandpa, everytime I pull in I still expect him to come up and give me a big ole hug...smelling of a hard days work and old flannel shirts. i loved how he smelled. Its strange and sad to see my grandma's frail body walk to the door without him there. It has yet to get easier. The farm holds so many memories for us all. We had a great time shopping around, Vaughn-elise did great (though she learned to be an escape artist from her stroller!!! eeek) and then that night we had a bonfire and hayride. it was alot of fun.

It was sad to have to leave but its always nice to curl up in your own bed too.

We stopped sunday night in bettendorf to spend some quality time with "daddy". it was really nice. It seems rare that I get to spend un interupted time with him. Its usually me dropping off VAughn or him coming over before work for a few hours. I miss him alot. We have been discussing alot lately about what we want to do and where we will go from here. As much as i fight it sometimes, I just dont picture myself without him. Sigh...we will see i suppose.

We took VE to her 1 year appointment this morning. she had to get 4 shots :( I hate that for her. she just cried and looked at me like "moma make them stop!" It broke my heart! She has handled them well today though. I have given her tylonol and she is doing great. She is growing just great. 23 pounds and almost 31 inches long. They say she is still in the 90th percentile for weight and 97th for height. I feel like she is getting skinnier but maybe not. They also told us to try switching her to lactose free milk instead of her formula...SAD! My baby is growing up. This wont be a smooth transition though, I picked some up today and she HATES it, she wont even let me put it in her mouth and if she gets any she spits it out at me and cries. Poor thing! I'll keep working on it and if she wont take it I guess we'll have to go to soy milk....thats okay, its cheaper anyways. I guess we'll just transition slowly and do formula at night for a while. I still cannot beleive she is a year old!!!! Thats just crazy!

Tomorrow is supposed to be cold and rainy so i think we'll stay home and inside. i need to start organizing my things, selling things and taking inventory of what i will need to have packed for when I find my own place. I find that the longer I stay here the less independent I feel and the more I feel like a teenage mother instead of an adult with a child. Thats not good for me, for vaughn or for my parents. Now if only I could find a job!

Seriously?!?

Watching the debate....I am disgusted from what I see....

McCain is being arrogant, self rightous, caniving, lying, deciebtful, sarcatic, interuptive, obnoxious and finger pointing. I have to say that I can hardly stand listening to him anymore. He is too busy falsly quoting, telling everyone what obama is or is not going to do instead of answering his own questions....if he does answer, its beat around the bush and interwined around "what obama is going to do..." GRR...shut up already. Im so annoyed with him.


Everyone knows that I have not been completely sold on Obama either, but recently I have been impressed highly with his debates and his outlining of what he will do. I think he has done well at holding back when I am sure he wanted to do the "McCain, stupid annoyed smirk fake laugh." or say something about what McCain is or is not going to do (which he has done occasionally, but rarely) and instead he answers the questions directed at him and then lets McCain take the floor. I am impressed that he gives credit where credit is due (such as commeorating Palin on her accomplishments etc.) and that he does not feel the need to interupt or butt in just to be defensive whenever McCain is being degrading. The more I hear McCain the harder it is for me to sit through what he is saying.

I am not going to get into any more politics since I see the upheaval it has caused in my sweet sisters blog. I am independent, i do not vote based on party, but rather on the candidate and their proposed plans. No candidate does what they say, and I like many have struggled with this election. I was not against McCain in the beginning...in fact, I was leaning to him but as the debates progressed and the mud slinging commercials continued and i hear him getting meaner and blatently rude- I just cannot vote for such an immature person to be the president of the United States. I just cannot.

Happy Birthday Vaughn-elise!!!

I cannot believe it. I have said that all day, a million times. My sweet, precious tiny baby is ONE YEAR OLD! its exciting and sad all in one! I have been reminiscing all day and looking at pictures. She has changed so much. I am sooo blessed by her and her sweet crazy nature. She is the most amazing thing that has ever ever happened in my life and I just want her to always know how much I adore her, I want to be blessed with patience with her and as she grows I want her to always want to be close to me.

Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, Happy birthday to Vana, happy birthday to you!!! I love you to the moon and back a million times!!!!

I am SO excited for this weekend. We are going to Illinois for the annual color drive. Its beautiful and we have such a great time. There will be an absense this year as this was my grandpa's favorite..having all of his kids there, grandkids, the bonfire, the laguhter, the hayride. We miss him terribly. I was unable to go to the color drive last year as vaughn was just a teeny tiny little one. So i am extra excited this year. Great food, lots of family time, fun crafts, great weather, bonfires, hayrides...I cannot wait.

Vaughn will be one on Wednesday, this is a hard week for me...everytime I look at her I think "these are the last days of her being "not quite one" Its sad and exciting all in one. She's so much fun...I hope she does well on the ride to illinios. it is a long long drive and I am thinking of traveling solo this year with her. I am to the point where riding in the back of my parents car for 6 hours is the last thing I want to do and with all vaughn's travel things (stroller, pack n play, food stuff, toys, both our suitcases, etc.) it is alot to add into one small car with 4 peoples things. also, traveling around for the color drive would be better if we could spread out in my blazer vs. cramming in a small car. My hip just cannot do it anymore. Sitting in the car causes it to lock and ache....getting in and out is a major chore, especially if its in the backseat. So, the blazer has been a blessing on my hip but I do wish it wasnt such a gas guzzler.

I love this weather. The cold rainy days...we had the windows open all day and were bundled in comfy warm clothes...there's nothing like fall!!!

Happy Party Vaughn-elise

Today was Vaughn-elise's party. Its alot like Christmas, you plan and plan and plan and are so excited and in a few short hours its all over. I think it went very well and Vaughn had alot of fun playing and interacting with everyone. She was short on sleep but did very well. I was so proud of her. She was up alot tonight, pretty wired. Possibly from the cake? Who knows. She did not get to eat very much of it as I did not want her to have a belly ache but she did so good with it, she was very dainty about it and just picked things off and ate them. No smashing the cake in for Vaughn :) The video turned out AWESOME. I am so excited about it. I am thankful that Phillippe and Amanda are able to do such an awesome job at those so that in the years or days to come we can all look back and reflect on the memories. I want to be able to show Vaughn-elise that video and let her see how much we loved her and what songs reminded us of her. Thanks guys, for doing such a beautiful job with that!

She had family here from the Quad Cities that she had not seen in a long time. They could not believe how much she had grown. :) Not alot of her family Its amazing to look around that room and know that all these people love that girl to pieces. She is very blessed to have so many people in her life who adore her!

She got lots of fun gifts and we are going to stay busy writting thank you letters! Thanks to all of you who made her first birthday party very very special. It is a day i will never forget. I am cherishing these last few days of her being "not quite one". Next wednesday I wont be able to say that anymore!!! I love her to pieces. She is my world, my reason, my thoughts, my prayers, my love, my passion, my every tiny itty bitty little thing.

I love you Vaughn-elise and I hope you felt special today, even if you do not understand birthdays I do hope you felt the love in the room for you. My sweet sweet baby girl.

Reflection....

While Vaughn-elise is not yet one...her party is tomorrow and i am feeling the sadness and excitement of having a one year old. I do miss the baby days but i love love love who she is now. I can watch her or stare at her all day and just feel in complete awe that I am a mommy to a beautiful amazing, funny little girl. She is sick today, stuffies....wanting to snuggle all day. I hate that she is sick and love her wanting to snuggle. i am so lucky to get these days home with her! I realize she does not know its her party or that htis big day that we've been plannign for months is for her, but i want her to feel special, i want her to feel warm and loved and that its not just a normal day. I really hope people are not "fighting for her attention" and instead focus on giving her their attention. This day is about her and often when people dont see kiddos for a long time they tend to make the day about them instead. I hate that. She has lots and lots of people who love her. She's alucky lady to have them all want to be there and share the day with her. Her gift finally came in and i am going to wait and give it to her on her birthday. I want to do something special with her that day. Though i am nto sure what I will come up with on a non existant budget:) My sister and phillippe are working on her birthday video. I am so excited to see it but am pretty sure I will bawl. I am so lucky to have a baby with such a strong personality, she's so girly and loving and sensitive and I just love her to pieces. Everynight I pray that God only allows me to speak kind words to her, that he helps me to be cautious of how i respond to her and how I react to her...I beg him to give me patience with her when I feel I am out and I thank him every minute for her. I never want her to feel hurt, shame, saddness or pain and while i cannot keep her from ever feeling these thigns, I hopefulyl can prevent her from feeling them because of me. ....

Anyways, thanks to all of you who will be there. We are so lucky to have you celebrate such a memorable special day with our daughter.

sick birthday girl:)

Today has been nuts. Vaughn-elise is sick. Not throwing up, just really really runny nose and VERY cranky. She was up from 3-8 and has slept off and on all day...but only if i am holding her. i sure hope she feels better by her party tomorrow!!! Poor girl. SHe wont have any fun if she feels like this! i have a Lia Sophia show tonight for a friend and no one to watch my sick girl so she will be going with me, we'll see how that goes.

good witch or bad witch

The candy lover!

We've been reading books about pumpkins a hundred times a day so she was very interested in them....more so in throwing them.

This witch knows how to shake it!

Mom! Look what I have!!! Can you believe it!!??

Vaughn elise did sooo great today at her pictures. i could not have been more proud of her. She even went without a nap and still did great. They were only her halloween pictures and I will schedule her actual one year's for next wednesday on her actual birthday. WE took along a pumpkin bucket with some candy (all wrapped and she got to eat none of it) but i think she could "taste/smell" it through the wrapper and she was in heaven. There was a series of maybe 10 pictures where she was sucking on this thing of M&Ms and she was in this complete daze. It was hillarious. Rudy said "yeah yeah, chocolate will do that to a women." Too funny. We ended up buying WAY more than intended. they have this package deal at portrait innovations that is like 10 bucks and you get a ton of pictures, but only one pose....impossible. Especially for a picture lover. WE always spend 10-15 times that amount but those are priceless pictures in my opinion. (though we always have a TON left over.) I still havent passed around her nine month pictures! oops...its so hard to choose though. Rudy always says "I dont know, your the photo major- just choose." But you cant. When its your child they are all good. off center, weird look on their face, crazy hair, it doesnt matter....you love them all...and buy most of them! I will post one here so you all can get a feel. too cute.

We met aunt mimi , gabs and Andre (which she now says...annn-de) at the park and got some energy out. There were lots of bees though, and it was muddy so we ended up coming back up to the house and playing together instead.

I ordered VE's birthday present 6 days ago. I paid for 2 day shipping and its STILL not here!! GRRRRR.... oh well, maybe I will just give it to her on her actual birthday instead of Saturday.

Getting excited about her party!! WHOOP WHOOP.