What a busy weekend! the garage sale was a big success and we are all so thankful to have gotten rid of so much junk that we didnt need. I dont really know how we accumualate so much stuff that we dont care about but it seems to happen. I still have a hard time getting rid of some of vaughns things. I suppose that is to be expected...she's only 20 months!

On sunday we watched Phillippe and my dad sky dive. AWESOME. I really really want to go!! Part of me wonders why i would want to put my life in the hands of a plastic giant umbrella shoved into a bag but the other part says..what an adrenalin rush!

This week is equally busy. I did homework tonight and have to clean, then i must go to bed (cant function any longer on such little sleep) then tomorrow, i have more hoemwork, quizes and studying for the final, then wednesday i have my final and we leave town. in the midst of it all i have to get my car stuff figured out and get a loan and a car. My foot is KILLING me. the pain has moved to the toe area and its so swollen that today I walked to my car without my shoe on. I emailed my doctor today and he wants to see me on Monday if possible. My luck lately has been that anyone i need to speak with, get an apt with or ask a question to does not answer their phone. I called the bank more than 20 times today, never once did a person or an answering machine pick up. same goes with U of I scheduling...its rediculous.

also,. I got a ticket today. nice. First one in 3 years (aside from one of those sneaky no good stop light cameras tickets...which i refuse to pay because tickets follow the driver not the vehicle and they have no proof that I was driving. Irritating) so thats the story of my life.

Anyone have fun 4th of July plans? Id like to stay home, go to the pool, grill out, relax and get caught up on some much needed stuff....but we are going to the quad cities...for at least a while then we may make a trip to see my gma in illinios or to the iowa city jazz fest or the water park or something....not sure.

what a crazy couple days.

lately, I have felt like i am the victim of a sick practical joke....like someone far away is watching and laughing....or maybe...maybe my neighbors are watching and laughing. On monday, I left work feeling like a monday and on my way home my car broke down 11 TIMES. mind you, it was 115 heat index on monday and humid as a humidifier. Rediculous. Sometimes it would quit for 5 minutes, others it was more like 20....it just stopped in the middle of my driving, just shut down. the blazer was definetly showing signs of an early death. i was just praying it would putt out to the sitters and make it home without breaking down any more..wishful thinking? I believe so. I got out there...late of course and got vaughnie and on the way home it broke down 4 times. Once on dead mans curve..the worst spot EVER that it could have broken down...there i was half on the road half off crying and praying for dear life that we not be stranded there and die of the heat or lack of water or get hit by a car. Obviously i was tired and emotional because my sister could have been there in 5 minutes but dead mans curve is the one spot in adel that i dont get good phone service so i kept trying to call her and it was saying i was roaming and the call couldnt go through. So, we get home, ive been sweating and crying for 2 fricken hours by this point. I decide i am NOT turing on the oven in this heat so we'd grill. great idea. Vaughnie was playing and i walked two feet onto the back patio to put the fish on and SLAM, she shuts the door and locks me out...(she doesnt know how to lock or waht it is so this was an accident.) Keys, phone everything inside. The front door was locked because thats the first thing i do when i enter the house is lock the door. I was pleading with her to open the door and she started to panic, crying "I hold you mama, I sooweey" It was breaking my heart so Im crying and sweating to death and hoping my fish doesnt catch fire becuase lord knows all i need is a fire to liven things up. I am praying she doesnt go away from the door where I cannot see her. I had her go get her blanket from the chair and bring it to the door to comfort her and distract her and I finally ran next door, no bra, tank top and pajama pants looking as white trash as they come after having been sweating the last 3 hours by this point and begged to use their phone. tHey all come over like we're a freak show then vaughn gets even more scared! she's screaming "who dat mama?" at the top of her lungs and i am pleading still for her to open the door. My landlord wouldnt answer the phone and so my neighbor ran down to his house (thank God he knew my landlord and hwere he lived). Pretty soon my dad came and then the landlord....after being locked out for probably a half hour. I didnt want fish by that point...in fact, i wanted to lock us in my room and never come out.

I figured....okay,...horrible day, the rest of the week is gonna feel liike a breeze. WRONG. Trust me, you dont wanna be me this week. So I am driving my moms car (no 4 wheel drive) since my took its last breath and am at work on Tuesday, talking up about how much I hoped it stormed...i meant at night, when i was home...but NOOOO God thought he'd be hillarious again and make me look foolish. SO, on the way home I was stoping and taking pictures of the amazign clouds and thinking.."this is gonna be awesome." about the time i hit adel it started. Nope, not talking rain and wind I am talking mini Katrina. Think Jumangi if you will. by the time i got to josies i was convinced the worst was over. Nope. Got in the car to go home and I could feel us sinking in the dirt road....i at one point got out in my fliip flops, hail pelting my head and rain soaking mean and dug a tire out of the mud...thats how fast we were sinking. got onto pavement and couldnt even see the front of the car. i thought for sure we were in the middle of a tornado, small trees flying across the road...i tried pulling into a driveway but couldnt see the driveway and felt the tires sinking as soon as we left pavement....so 4 miles per hours i scooted along down the highway praying to God someone didnt come along and rearend me or come head on into my lane....and then we get to dead mans fricken curve again and BAM down comes a tree inches from my car. Two girls in their tiny bikinis (and too big to be wearing them) come out and try to drag the tree across the road. They succeeded, which was great. and then we head down the raod and start FLOATING because the roads were so flooded. I have never wanted my blazer so badly in all my life. I would have killed for 4 wheel drive at this point....I call my mom crying because i can swear we're gonna be swept away from chance court and into the nile. we finally get home and inside and much to my suprise the back tree is down. AGAIN. A HUGE tree looks as if it was struck by lightening and smashed in the back of hte neighbors house ...again. Mind you this just happened like a week ago and htey just got it all fixed. poor them. Secretly i laughded hoping it means they will paint the orange house or put new siding. But felt horrible because they have a baby and they were the ones who rescued me when vaughn was prisoned in our house. Needless to say, this week has been REDICULOUS.

Its been a busy few days so I will try to recap...this weekend we were supposed to suprise my dad and phillippe with sky diving...drove there, suprised them, and then it was too cloudy to jump. Dangit. I wish I could jump, id love it i think....oh well.I have some pictures of htem in training....will get more on the 28th when *weather permitting* they will jump.
Its just been a busy week but not alot going on really....I am including some pictures of Vaughns room in progres....we're almost done with it...just need a headboard and a rug and maybe a pink chair for the corner. She loves it and so do I....I've done it all myself and picked it all out so Im pretty proud of her chic little room. The painting her and I did together, the wall quote says "with butterfly kisses and ladybug hugs sleep tight little one like a bug in a rug." I always tell her this so it was cute to see it in a quote...she loves it and always points to it and wants me to "tay it mama" we painted the dresser and the mirrors above the wall I found on craigslist. I made the curtains too...since I dont sew, they are no sew but do the trick....and I am in love with her bedding...hard to see from the photos. I am currently working on a craft table thats just her size for the play room and then I will post some photos of that.


oh yes, I forgot that Rudy and I went through the ever so bonding experience of putting together our first complicated thing together...the grill...took 3 hours and burgers at 11:30 pm just dont taste as good. But its done and Ive used it everyday. I was impressed at how well he could read the no direction directions....only pictures where everything looked the same, but he was able to decifer somehow which screw out of hte 10 different ones was screw c or d or f etc so that was helpful, otherwise it would have taken days.

This week I am getting ready for our garage sale. We are having it at an awesome friends house in Waukee (thanks Barb, your awesome and we so very muchly appreciate you giving up your garage for a few days). I have SO MUCH STUFF that I dont know what to do....totes and totes of clothes, mine and vaughn. An ENTIRE overflowing large garbage tote full of knick knacks, kitchen stuff etc, boxes of books, boxes of toys, shoes galore, purses....just tons of stuff. I had told my sister I didnt have enough to have my own garage sale....until i started looking. then WHAM....it hit me how much crap I have. Yikes! Wish me luck. Pricing is the hardest. You want it cheap enough to go quickly but pricey enough that you get a little money for it and its so hard because things have memories and you want to price them 20 for a little shirt that has a great memorie of your baby attatched to it....but its only worth maybe a quarter....I am keeping some of her baby clothes but its still hard to pick and choose.

a farting story...

So, ya'll know about how much I hate hate hate public bathrooms and have strong belief that you should not ever poop in one.....especially a work one. Target or something is maybe slightly more exceptable...but work. Thats just wrong. If you HAVE to go, you should find the least bussiest bathroom and wait til its empty and then hurry up and curtisy flush. So today, I am in the bathroom which is full except one stall...trying to get my shy bladder to pee....and in walks a lady in my department and into the stall next to me. as soon as she sits down she starts farting loud manly long smelly farts....not pooping that I could hear, just farting and it was the hardest thing ive ever had to do not to laugh out loud. How awkward. Im sitting there trying to think of the saddest thing I could and had to shove my shirt in my mouth to try not to laugh. It was so awkward no one could even pee. We all just sat on our pots while this very large women acted like she was the only one in there. they sounded sharp and like she was farting bricks and i just couldnt decide if it was hillarious or highly disturbing....then to make matters worse, we washed hands in sinks right next to each other...and to make it even worse...she asked me how i was doing...all i wanted to do was give her a speech on bathroom etiquite. Rule number one. Dont fart like your in your living room. Number two. Never make conversation after you have just blown up the toilet in someone else's presense. Eeehhh! People!

Today was exceptionally stressful. I'm only partly sure why and the rest of it i think was maybe just a bad day. Rudy got on me about my summer hours and how much they put everyone else in an unfair place having to take vaughn everyday and it hurt my feelings and made me feel like I was doing a bad job as a mom. I took this hour change not becuase I enjoy waking up at 5:30 am but because it brings me home by 4 to spend extra time with vaughn...time that i adore! so that made me cry at work becuase I just felt like i was making the wrong choices all over the place and it just started my day off bad. Then I had the stomach mess at work and spent most of my time in the basement bathroom and it just went from there. When I got home Vaughn was the best mood lifter:) She's just so sweet and always wants to hug and kiss and hold me and read and sing and she's just my hero. she was very giggly tonight and as I watch her this past week or two i am realizing how big she is getting. she's a real toddler and it makes me both smile and tear up. She's my BABY. she always will be but it makes me sad to see her baby stage go. She is now asking "why you doin dat mama?" and "who dat?" its bittersweet but a journey I never thought I would live. I am soo thankful every single moment for her. I wish my life was different in the sense that I could spend more time with her, work part time, take part in the adventures that I wish we could but my goal right now is to get stuff paid off, in order and start saving so that eventually maybe I would be able to do more of that....but right now, this is our life and I am doing my best to make it a great time.

full time mom, full time student, full time work......im exhausted. laundry calls....

Okay, so I have lots of pics to post. Was home sick again with a Migraine so I gave in and went to the chiropractor who is a friend of my sisters. Its a start but he showed me my spinal exam and nerve readings and said the very top bone on my spine is twisted and choking a blood vessel that leads to the right side of my brain....yup, where my headaches always are. I was feeling much better by the end of the day so we went to the ICubs game for about an hour. While standing in line for tickets, a season ticket holder handed us two free ones, right behind home plate to sit with him and his family....row 8 i think behind home plate. it was pretty neat! Vaughn takes after her dad in her excitement for the sport. she was cheering and clapping the whole time....and flirting with the guy behind us, weird.


Last night was VERY scary at my place. We were putting V to bed and looked out the window because the rain really picked up and the wind was howling....all of a sudden, with all three of our faces smashed against the window a HUGE branch came flying at the window....a few seconds later just as rudy pulled V from the window crying, another one....smack.
We came down stairs and this continued. It finally slowed down so I was super freaked and decided we needed to go to my parents and while we were outside leaving the HUGE tree in the backyard FELL ON THE HOUSE. luckily most of it hit the house next to us and took out the roof and back of the house.....but you can see the pictures. It was not fun.


Also you will see apic of V's first ice cream cone ever..she's doing great with dairy now!!! HORRAY. Just in time for summer:)

I have been having migraines at least 4 or 5 a week for about 4 months....meds have been taking the edge off but not really working. I feel like Im wasting my life away in pain....and not being the best mom always being sensitive to noise and just wanting to hide in a closet and fall asleep....

the last 4 months havent prepared me for this morning. Worst. Migraine. of. My. Life....puking the whole shabang. I am soo sick of them....Poor Vaughn, i was in the worst mood and just wanted silence. Finally on my second round of meds and about the time I thought I was going to have to call in the troops to take her and go in to the doctors it started to ease up and I am feeling 70% better now. Praise God! Nothing rings sweetness like the relief of a migraine. For any of you who have not had it, you feel like your about to have a brain annurism and die....head explosion.....daggers in your eyes and temples....the worst pain ever. Id rather have just about anything than a migraine. Lord have mercy!

I finally gave in and made an apt on thursday with Amanda's friend from HS who is a Chiropracter in Waukee. I feel like its due to my neck always hurting so I am hoping he can snap me back in working order....hopefully.

This morning, me in my greasy hair, no makeup, sweats and a bleach spot tshirt on, grouching around the house.... my sweet girl came up and put her hands on my cheek and said "awww, so pretty mama!" ....can you ask for anything better? Now THATS unconditional love I tell ya. You dont think she was being sarcastic, right?

memory

I visit this place daily. I drive through the abandoned town, down the streets where I am sure I once walked. I imagine the laughing that I once took part in, I imagine that I once wept on the shoulders of those who's faces I cannot recall and who's names ring bells but do not connect. I drive to the same place, everyday in the town which has not been touched in years, or weeks, or days or moments. In the old abandoned, once bustling library, in the cold, dusty basement, in the room behind the staircase, alone along a wall is the card catalog that I thumb through everyday. Sure to find the books that tell my life, the stories, memories and people I long to remember. I furiously go through every alphebetical grouping what I know I once felt; awe, bitter, calm, danger, excite, fear, goodbyes, humbling, intimidated, jealous, kept, lonely....I search behind the cards eager to find just one title, one book, one page of what I so desperately long to recall but behind each card are a hundred blank cards, visible is only a remnant of a word, a brush of a hand, a scent of memory. I find myself in front of the empty rows after rows of shelves holding books I know are there and cannot see. Books that hold my life, my memories, my pain.... they are not to be found. The wind blows strong and then scent I remember but cannot recall is absorbed by my every cell and I quicken my search to remember all I have forgotten. Last week, last month, the most precious moments, unforgettable faces, unforgettable laughter, unforgettable powerful emotions happen and dissappear in my mind quicker than I can recall and I cannot hang on nor can I retrieve anything that makes me who I am. I do not remember why you make me sad or why I love that place or why I cry at that song. I cannot remember what I loved or did or mastered or failed. I just remember white. I remember space. I remember nothing. And as I drive out of town down the same road I travel daily in my journey for peace for one second I get a glimps of what I have forgotten and as surely as it appears it passes and I will come back to this spot, this dark and unappealing place until I find my peace, until I read my stories, until I memorize my mind.