Grandpa.

If I could do it over I would visit more, write more letters, cook for you more, sit and listen to your stories for longer time, I would study your face longer, I would ask about your memories of us, I would ask the private details of your life that only those closest know, I would ask about your biggest pride, your most joy. i would make you present for you family events, I would pray for you more.
If I lived in the world I wanted I would be able to take care of my family in their time of need, I would be in the position to leave and go stay, to pick up some pieces, to comfort and care, I would be more able.
If I had my questions answered I would want to know where you are, how you are, why goodbyes are never easy, I would want to know if you knew before it happened, if you were scared, if you prayed, if you cried. I would want to know why it hurts so bad to have you leave though I know your in a "better" place. I would want to know why a long life seems so short to those who love you.
If I had you hear for five more minutes I would tell you how much i love you, how strong and how hard of a worker you are. I would tell you you led a blessed life full of people who love you- I would memorize every part of your face, I would memorize you laugh. If I had you back for five minutes I would cry and rejoice and praise God for you. If I had you back for five minutes I would pray with you. I would fall on my face and I would pray for you.
I miss you, I miss you, I miss you. I cry, I regret, I am thankful, I remember, I mourn, I wonder.

FAST approaching!!

The wedding is now offically only 4 months away. (minus a couple days). EEK! SO much to do still! I have officially challenged Rudy to a 20 pounds weight loss challenge. EAch of us to lose 20 lbs before the wedding. Of course thats not my final goal, but its my 4 month goal. It would be pretty amazing if we could both meet that. Not that we will love each other any more but it would be nice to FEEL beautiful on my wedding day.

For those who are unaware....the wedding is Sept 5th. CANT WAIT. I haven't quite figured out all the details, but we're getting there. Bridesmaids have found their dresses (all of which I LOVE). THe hard part will be the guys. NONE of them live around here or around each other and the tuxs we want are at the same place as the brides stuff...in DSM. Hopefully they can get their measurements in here!

A friend is having a garage sale this weekend and i am going to be taking stuff to her place....if it doesnt sell i will try one more here in adel and then out it goes. I am so sick of having a bunch of stuff that we dont use. I say that about once per year. I know, but it doesnt take time for things to pile up! Thats for sure! Vaughn had some trauma tonight while going through some of her toys. she sure didnt want to get rid of anything. I said "we're just getting rid of the things you dont play with so someone else can." and little by little she took everything out and said "see mama, im playing with it, now we dont have to give it away!!" Poor thing.

SO, I am totally loving the rainy weather. I . love. it!

letter to Vaughn, mothers day 2010

Dearest Vaughn-elise, My third mothers day with you is more than I ever could have imagined. You have blessed my life beyond all measure, you have challenged my life, changed my life and given me life. You have made me a better person, a harder worker, more patient, more imaginative, more joyous. You my sweet dear, are my life. You are my heart, my thoughts and my truest of love. Thank you sweet girl for being such an amazing, wonderful, intuitive, precious child. You are growing into such a gem and I just hope you know every single day of your life how much I love being your mother and how much every single day I cherish you and praise our God for you! You are all I have ever wanted and very much more. My sunshine-I love you to the moon and back, Mommy

To all moms out there, HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!

What a weekend! Saturday, i met with 3 of my 4 bridesmaids (We missed you kendal) as the 4th has just moved to Philly. I started the day early with some garage saling and scored big at one...the rest were busts. Met my mom and the bridesmaids at 10 to look at dresses. I am soo excited about the ones that were chosen and we're still hunting for shannon. I have faith Kendal will pick something super fabulous. It feels like its starting to come together. I am having second thoughts about my dress....you only get one wedding dress (hopefully) and I am just nervous I should have picked something with more pazzaz. I do love the one I picked. Im just saying. Its a HUGE decision. We went to lunch after shopping and then I came home for abit, cleaned a little and then took V and went back in dsm with Shannon to try to find her dress (not a lot of success saturday morning for her.

Today is my brothers birthday, HAPPY BIRTHDAY MATT! WE had lunch at my parents and got to hang out and play outside. Gabi and Dre and Vaughnie have such a blast together and Dre and Vaughnie got to help papa load the bird feeders and take a ride on BOTH the golf cart and the tractor. TOO FUN.

Rudy threw his back out so he's resting and so is vaughn. (yes it IS 6:30:) SO they will be up late and Im bound to be out by 8:00 :).....hopefully i dont have to stay home and tend to rudy tomorrow but we'll see how he's feeling. Im TRYING to be a good helpful woman but sick/hurting men are soo annoying! Can I get an AMEN?