almost there...

its almost friday- Thank the great lord almighty for that. I am ready for a weekend home with my baby girl!! I am definetly feeling the laze of the end of the week. We are having friends over for the super bowl so I am trying to clean and get prepared for that. VAughn is getting herself into a night time routine (meaning we have never tried to do this- t hought about it, but never put it into action:) She is heading to bed around 7 and then waking up around 11 for a feeding. For her, this is good- for me, sad. I dont get enough time with her in a day. By the time i get her from daycare and we get home and settled in, we only have a few hours before she is out....I am so looking forward to summer when we can go for evening walks and go to the park and spend time outside. I am ready to get out of this apt. I am going stir crazy. I hate not having direct access to the outside. (although in this weather, who would want to, right?) I just feel trapped in here and cluttered and uneasy. I am ready to move out of the apt living lifestyle. Im ready for a change of some sort- good, please!

On a great note, i am having the most fun planning amanda's baby shower. For those of you who i havent spoken to yet, you are all invited and i will be getting out official invites soon hopefully. It is sunday the 17th at 1 pm... I am super excited. I know i cant do as amazing job as she did for me, but im trying darnnit!!

On a final note...what ever happened to global warming?

You asked, you got it...

Ms. Vaughn trying to climb over rudy in bed. Luckily, she didnt get far. :)

Little Budda baby:) in the bath.

Cool kid on the block with a very very very proud mama.

She just loves her exhersaucer (spelling???) She can spin around and get dizzy and she thinks its just fabulous:)

Well there you go, you asked for more pics, you got a ton! Enjoy!!

On a different note... is it friday yet?? This weather makes every day feel a thousand hours long!! The new job is going very well. Training is long and because we are a new addition to the company, they really have not gotten very organized about training- as they are still learning it all too. We spend alot of time on "breaks" while the trainers meet to figure out what to do next and its really starting to frustrate all of us. There are 5 of us training and our boss (who is also sort of training.) It is a really fun group of trainers (for the most part) and this week the group has really "opened up" and gotten out of the "shy slump" that all new people have. I think its going to be an awesome group of us and we all get along great and click very very well together. Except one girl..she's kinda annoying!

Its trully saddening every single day when i leave vaughn at home. Its the hardest thing to do to hand her off (even to rudy) and turn and walk out the door, even though i know i will see her later in the afternoon and i still cry daily on my way to work, but its getting a little bit easier. She is getting into such a great routine at Barb's and is taking really great naps there and is even learning to put herself to sleep. The mom in me thinks i will still rock her to sleep while she is home for as long as she will let me, but its nice to know that if needed (like last night when i just couldnt keep my eyes open any longer after her 4 am feeding) that i can lay her down and within a few mins she will be out. I knwo often, she likes to just lay down and stretch out - so its nice she's learning to relax enough to go to sleep. Everyday , i just cant drive fast enough to get to Barb's and get her, i watch the clock from about noon on, counting down til I can get out of there and go get her! She is changing so much and i just miss watching all the things she does.

She is in my sling right now, sleeping soundly on my chest and it makes my heart swell to feel her resting so warmly against my skin. She is such a blessing to me and i dont take that for granted. Daily, i thank God probably a hundred times for giving her to me. Everytime she smiles, makes a funny face, cries, looks peaceful, it just fills me with the greatest joy. I knew I would find happiness in her, but its beyond that. I feel so complete and satisfied with her in my world.

looking up...

Today was a day finally feeling better. Vaughn is still not up to her normal self, but much much much better. And I am feeling back to normal (althoug this weather is making me sick to my stomach, right? give me a break!!)

HURRY SPRING.

Definetly a monday...

Today has undoubtedly been a monday. Stereotypical, crappy monday. We are all home sick. After thowing up all night long and up with the fever sweats and chills, we (rudy and i ) decided to stay home with vaughn and let all three of us recover. VE and I are feeling much better, she is overly sleepy and i am still feeling the achy muscles etc, but overall- I feel tons better than last night. Rudy got it after we did so he's still struggilng. I have aj ewelry party tonight and back to work tomorrow. I hate monday's!!

My turn...

Okay, i really dont know whats up around our house. I have spent all night throwing up and in the bathroom. I have horrible stomach pains and i think I have a fever. If i dont feel better by morning, I will be staying home :( I dont want ve to spread anything around her daycare and i dont want to go sit at work if i am puking etc. Good Golly, I am ready for spring so we can open the windows and get these germs out of the apt!!!
Hopefully its just a small bug.

what a scare!

What started out as a normal day- soon turned to quite the scary night. We had gone to my parents house for lunch and all was well. We had a good time and although vaughn was acting a little more tired than normal- she was in good spirits. We got home and took a nap. VE took an unusually long nap for herself, but woke up smiling and cheery.
As we were all sitting in bed, hanging out- vaughn quickly went downhill fast.
she started throwing up violently, covering half of the bed and myself. she was gagging and choking and couldnt get air. I stepped out o the room once she was ok to get her new clothes and a towel and it happened again. nearly twenty times in the next three hours. After a while, it was just snot and flem, then just bile. She has had a really stuffy nose and I figured, at first, that she was just gagging on the snot since she had been laying flat for so long. We tried giving her very very watered down bottle but as she was swallowing it- it was coming right back up.
She started acting really sleepy and soon was unresponsive. She wouldnt wake up, she would be gagging and choking and pass out in my hand or the towel that was full of snot and throw up. I called my mom to make sure that i wasnt overreacting and that i shold in fact take her in- i wasnt sure if this is normal when kids are very stuffed up. ( deep down, i knew it wasnt normal-i was just too scared to think something was really wrong with her. ) So, I called mercy nurse to see if i should give her some pedialite and to see where the walk in clinics are. She sugested just going straight to the ER. We left immidiately and on the way there, vaughn really faded. She wouldnt respond to me at all and was like a limp rag. She wouldnt open her eyes and had no muscle tone at all. I called 911 to see if they could tell the ER that we were on our way and to be ready for us and they told us to pull over asap and that an ambulance wuold be there. I was terrified. I hurt for her and just wanted to make her respond to me.... we were all a mess. We pulled over in the caseys lot and the ambulance was right there. Vaughn and i rode in the ambulance all the way to mercy and rudy met us there. In the ambulance, she started coming around and even was smiling- although still not her normal self. After many tests in the ER, they decided she just must have bad acid reflux and gave us a list of suggestions. Her white cells are elevated, but he said that can sometimes just happen due to stress on the body or it can be an infection (which he didnt think to be the case as she had no fever.) It was the scariest night of my life. I was so glad to finally see her looking at me and smiling and being herself agian. it was trully the scariest moment i have ever had in my entire life. She still seems sort of out of it today- but far far better than she was. As a mother, i cant imagine ever having something serious happen to my child, but last night, was a glimpse far too close for me. Inside I felt like a complete wreck, but on the outside, you just keep it together- I dont know how- you just do.

Please say some prayers for vaughn and that the doctor was correct, that this is only acid reflux and she will grow out of it. (whats up with the kinney babies having acid reflux? Ive never heard of such a thing.)

Day two...

and still a challenge. I started my new job yesterday. it was very much as hard as i anticipated...if not more so. I cried the whole way to work. i then pulled my self together, just long enough to walk in the room and have the first person ask me "hows that new baby of yours..." then i lost it. I cried the first 15 min. of training, but luckily- alot of them have kids and totally understood. They just passed around kleanex's. we got off early so i was so thrilled to see my sweet angel. I had anticipated coming home over lunch to see her, but they ordered in (as rudy had warned me they might.) so they day drug on... but i was glad she got to go to barbs and play for a bit. Today was just as hard. I cried when i left the house, i cried when i dropped her off at barbs at noon over my lunch and i cried the whole way back to work. its crazy how you can miss someone so tiny and feel such an absense when they arent there. it will take alot of getting used to. thats for sure. i think about her the whole time i am there. counting down the minutes til i get to go pick her up. I hope she doesnt forget me during the day, while im gone. thats my biggest fear. i am crying now just thinking about it.!! Gosh, im a dork and far more emotional now that i was after i had her....grrr...

the job itself is going well. its very interesting and i am learning alot- very quickly. i cant wait to get moved into my office in a couple weeks and be able to put up pictures of my girl.

i hate this weather, i really really really do. i am beyond ready for spring. poor vaughn has never breathed fresh outside air or even seen the outdoors as she has been covered in blankets since she was born. poor thing!!

being a mother has made me the happiest i have been in my entire life. nothing holds a glimpse of how i feel compared to this. everyday is exciting, new adventures, faces, noises, I am forever amazed at how hearts dont litterally stop from all the love-when i look at her, it feels as though it should. what a gift, what a miraculous gift.

Time flies...

Its the weekend and the past three months have flown past!! This day has flown past- I wish i could stop time. Just for moments. Like when vaughn is asleep in my arms, i am laughing with friends, spending time with family. catching the perfect smile, the perfect moment of clarity or calm. I always try to take mental photographs of moments in my head, but the mind fails us all and these memories or photographs fade, become distorted and details are lost. When i start working on monday, i knwo that the times will go faster, vaughn will change quicker without me seeing every moment of her life, missing things she does, she will be changing and i will be missing it. I wish it was, in america, like it is in peru. Mandatory one year paid maternity leave. That sounds amazing. The love in my heart is causing it to burst.

This weather is ungodly. I hate it.

I cant believe i am in the tail end of my last week as a stay at home mom. I am mourning , yet becoming more comfortable with it. The longer her naps are in the afternoon, the more comfortable I am.
In this blasted cold weather, i become so thankful that i have a place to be. My heart breaks and breaks for those people who by choice or circumstance are out on the streets. I cant bear the thought of small children, babies even being cold, shivering and hungry. Where I show discontent when my feet feel a little too cold from the floor- i catch myself and am ashamed. For one night, I couldnt handle their lives. I wonder, if asked to switch places with someone on the streets for just one night- one single night, could i do it? And I selfishly want to say I could, but just as selfishly, I dont believe I would. That deeply saddens me about myself.

on a lighter note, I just took down my Christmas tree- It only took 15 minutes but I have been dreading doing it. I just love all the holiday decorations that i always think i will be sad when they are down. Truth is, its a huge relief!

I am spending the rest of the day cuddling and playing and hopefully getting the finishing things done for the jewelry/pampered chef party on saturday.

lada dida

Its wednesday- hump day. And thats what it feels like...nothing much going on today (although Dre and Amanda coming home from the hospital is pretty big news.) WE are hanging out at home- out of the blizzardly coldness outside. We are feeling much much better and are hoping that by tomorrow, we will feel 100%. I am hoping to go either tomorrow or friday and take vaughn to Barbs to meet the kids and get her aquainted before monday. I am slowly becoming more okay with it. I just keep praying for peace with going back to work, nto that I will love it, or would ever want to leave her, but that i am at peace with what i have to do for the moment and that if i am supposed to be home with her- that God will make that possible when its time.

She is becoming so much fun- she has really taken an interest in her toys in the last week or so. its the new challenge for her to pull off all her link-a-doos from the play mat, and then she smiles and looks so proud. Its the cutest thing ive ever seen! Her afternoon naps have lengthened quite a bit, but she is only taking one real nap during the day- so i suppose that is normal. She's now sleeping around 4 hours, which lets me get somethings done. Not alwyas in one stretch, sometimes she wakes up and is hungry, but a little milk and she's back to sleep. She really has such a huge personality- it is a joy to watch it develope.

Play time!

We're still recovering from our colds, and still sleeping most of the day (vaughn-elise,anyways) but this evening, i thought it would be fun to pull back out her play mat. We tried this about a month ago and it scared her, alot! So i thought we would try it again as she is really paying attention to things and she loves it! She likes to lay on her stomach and look at the design on the mat or look up at her "link-a-doos". She has found it fun to grab ahold and pull until they fall down. Im scared it will whack her in the face, but she seems to be enjoying it! Its so fun watching her pay attention to things and really enjoy the things she's doing!!

We are missing Andre and seeing him change. I am hoping we feel better soon so i can get my aunt meg time in!!!

sad day...

We are all sick- vaughn hasnt hardly woken up all day, we cant breathe, the cough..it stinks. I missed seeing andre today but also didnt want to risk getting him sick. I am hoping we all feel better VERY soon.... :(

What a BIG day!!

The day started off a little sleepy- vaughn didnt sleep well, therefore, neither did I. I was ready to go to church and have get a little break. We got all dressed up and when we got to church I thought it was strange that my parents werent there. I got our seats and got vaughn out of her carseat and then Janet Hircock came up to me and said " congratulations auntie." And i just smiled and said " not for two more days!" And she said " what?? No one called you?? Amanda had her baby last night!!!" I was in complete disbelief , but rushed as fast as i could to the hospital and there he was, the most gorgeous, sweet, beautiful little latino baby boy I had ever seen with his big lips and beautiful complection. I fell in love!! he is trully adorable. I could just look at him all day! I will post more pictures tomorrow when i get some better ones of his face.

It was also Maria's birthday so we had dinner (sagga aka lasagna) and cake with "frinkles" in gabs language and a good time was had all around. I am on carb overload from the past two days of pasta, but we have had some delicious food so I cant complain. Happy birthday Maria. Matthew says he is now dating " An older women." (since she is 20 and he wont be til may.)

Here is vaughn in her pretty new dress she got for Christmas. She looks like a beauty queen, and she is.

Gabriela- just being silly, sleep deprived gabs:) what a doll.

Vaughn-elise's cousin who was born the day after her is in the hospital with some problems and we went to see them (they are just on the other side of the hospital from amanda.) Poor guy! I cant imagine vaughn being in there, with all those tubes hooked up to her.. Its so sad to see him in there. They should get to go home tomorrow after some tests. We will keep him in our prayers. and will check on him tomorrow when we go in to see how much andre has grown. The third muskateer has arrived!!!

Girls Night Out..

Last night was quite the treat for me and vaughnie. My best friend Shannon and I agreed that we were in much need of some girl time. Her fiance works as a chef for Granite City so we (me, vaughn and shannon) went in and hung out. There were a few crazy people talking about kidnapping my girlie and taking her home with them so we had to keep a close eye on the little beauty. People from all over the restaurant kept coming up and saying how cute she was, how much they loved her hair, how they wanted to steal her. It was funny- and scary!! Shannon was going to get names just in case she ever shows up missing. Afterwards we killed some time at walmart and hit up the dollar rack and scored some pretty cute clothes. I always have such a blast when i hang out with Shannon and it refreshes me and always brings me back to who i want to be...she just has that effect on people. You cant not have a great time when your with her, Vaughn and i are so glad we have reconnected. She is so great with Vaughn too, already knowing her ticks and cues and exactly how to calm her. Its a nice break-without taking a break.

Tonight is family time...the first night of our new kinney family traditions....we have all picked out yummy recipes and will meet at mom and dads to cook them and then mow down. i am super excited!!!

Sunday is Maria's birthday and we are doing a big birthday dinner for her after church since her family is so far away. We love having her around. Its going to be a great weekend overall. I cant wait!

Can you find the baby??

My little girl decide this morning that she was a big girl and didnt want to be held or put to sleep by me holding her or rocking her. It broke my heart a little but once I laid her down, she pulled her "buddy" (aka her favorite blanket) over her face and was out like a light. SO much for all my hard work! The poor girl just wanted to stretch out and be left alone! I gotta say, I know the feeling. :)

cabin fever...

I am ready for spring...big time. I a, ready to accessorize and decorate with bright fun colors and i am ready to be outside. This morning we had some major cabin fever. Rudy had a root canal and by the time he got home , both vaughn and myself were pretty grouchy. I either wanted to go back to bed or get the heck outta the apartment. SO, we did. We went and visited my mom and dad at their offices and then did some target runarounds. I think vaughn had her fair share of in and out of the carseat, being passed around, asleep then awake-ness. By the time we got to target she was pretty mad. But I did the amazing push the cart with my stomach manueaver while i held her until she fell asleep. She pulled the blanket over her head and was out. Sometimes i wonder what babies think of all the touching by strangers and poking at them and trying to get them to smile when they're mad. I cant imagine how anyone who could talk would ever let that happen...so i feel badly for her sometimes. I feel like she just thinks.."what right do you strange people have pulling my blanket off my face, poking my stomach and telling me Im fat...one of these days- Ill get you back!!"

Tomorrow we are visiting ms barbs house to see how vaughn (and i) will do. then its hanging with amanda and gabs while she still feels up to our company. hurry dre, your cousin and aunt meg cant wait any longer to meet you!

old mcdonnald had a farm....

E-I-E-I-O...

spending time...

I have been spending every second i can with my lil baby girl before i start my new job. I start on the 21st and just excepted the position today. I tell ya, it has to be the hardest thing a mommy has to do to leave her baby girl- with anyone, even someone you trust 100%. I am worried she will get scared and i wont be there to comfort her, or she will do something new for the first time and i wont see it, or she will think i am choosing to not be with her. It breaks me and i have to say i have had a very emotional time with it. Before, i think i was pretending iwould never go back to work, but I know i have to. If anyone hears of any jobs opening up at a school- as an associate or whatever, please please please let me know!! The hours at a school would be perfect and i would have the summers to spend with her- sigh. I will miss her dearly and will probably spend most of the first few weeks crying in the bathroom all day!

She really is changing so fast, teething already we think, nearly sitting up, and smiling at everything. She has yet to belly laugh and i cant wait to hear that. I am already looking forward to our trip to Arizona to spend all of my time with her. That is so far away though- so for now i am enjoying every single moment i have with her....

less than one week until baby andre comes and i am SO excited. It is going to be weird not to just have Gabs as a niece, but dre as a nephew. it just hit me today in the shower that he isnt just my sisters baby, but my NEPHEW! CRAZY- but i LOVE IT.

I am ready for spring. I am ready to open the windows and get some fresh air. I am ready to go for walks with vaughn and show her the outside world, no blankets covering her face. She has never been outside with no blanket over her... i cant wait to show her that.

I bought these sunglasses for her for our trip to Arizona since its an outside wedding and all:) We tried them on and she thoguht it was pretty funny to see the world in blue... she really looked around like she noticed the difference. What a doll!

breathe in...breathe out....

Its been a stressful past few days/weeks etc and i have not been faithful at blogging. Im sorry about that.

It has been off again on again with a job...yes i have one, no i dont, wait...wait..yes i do, oh- gotcha, no i dont. so that has REALLY stressed me out. Im hoping the current job offer will go through- however, the hours i was hired on are now being switched to night hours (which i obviously cant and dont want to do.) So i am hoping we can work something out.

Things with my past job at LA have been a mess- no communication, everything there is complete disaster which makes switching over insuance etc a real challenge.

My sweet sweet gorgeous little baby girl has been getting her ngihts and days mixed up (although she did A+ last night, only getting up once. She is changing so rapidly i think it confuses her on everything- how much her body needs to sleep, how much and how often she needs to eat. .... just when she gets a good schedule, her body demands changes. She is doing great thouhg. Learning to sit up (already?? I know!!) She doesnt want to sit in her swing because she is constantly trying to push herself into an upright sitting position...she loves to stand on her legs with us holding onto her hands...she is SO strong. I fear she will be walking by six months at this rate. Its so much fun to watch her grow though- i really am loving every single second of being a mommy.

Baby Dre Comes in just a week and a few days... ICANT WAIT. I told rudy this morning taht i feel like i cant show on the outside how excited i am on the inside and its frustrating me. I just want to jump up and down. I tell complete strangers when they ask how i am...." Good, and my sister is having a baby in a week." They look at me like..girl, get some friends!! But i just trully cant wait to love on him. Gabriela is such a great cousin, i cant wait to see her in the big sister roll! Its all so exciting. They will be the three muskateers!!!

I had a jewelry show tonight that was a complete bust! I love doing them but when i dont even sell enough to enter it in for a show, its dissappointing, frustrating and alot of work for nothing. oh well, im home now and waiting for chicken manicotti to come out of the oven. Im starving...

P.S. Who didnt love the glimpse of spring we had today..it was gorgeous, i even went to the carwash!!!

A New Year- How refreshing...

New years is always so refreshing for me...a new beginning-(and a great time to make a HUGE to do list...my fav.) Even though it was a bum night spent alone with my baby girl (we didnt even make it til midnight.) I was thankful to be home with her, out of the cold and snuggling on the couch.

The last job I thought i was going to get was a complete disaster...a communication firm who hightly lacks communication skills... bad news..

But, i have another interview tomorrow- so wish me luck. Hopefully something wonderful will come up quickly. :)

I always wonder how the year will go. What goals will I reach, will it be a good year for everyone I love? So far, things look great...baby andre will be here in no time at all. I cant wait for this! I cant stop thinking about him- about everydetail of him....I am so glad that vaughn-elise will have someone so close in age to her to grow up with. We will have the three muskateers- how much fun is that?? We are making a trip to Arizona the first of April for my cousins wedding and we are all so excited for that!

My new years resolution is to "go green" in 5-10 different areas...we will see how well i do. Im thinking of convincing my dad to plant a small orchard in the back yard (just a few fruit trees and berry bushes.) but its quite possible i should start smaller- like switching out my lightbulbs, maybe.

I hope this year holds more time with the ones we love and less stress all around.

PS...Little ms Vaughn-elise has learned..wait, mastered..sucking her thumb. Im so proud!! She has been working and working on this since she was born and is now using it to comfort herself!!! Hopefully before long- we can toss those binks!