not to be a debbie downer

But...I am completely and totally, unmistakeably sick and tired of living in pain. These past few months have been the worst as far as pain goes that I can imagine. My bones- my bones feel like I am 95, pained by any change in temperature- even within the controlled temp in my house. I have had the heat up to 90 simply so I can sit by a register and get warm. My wrists, shoulders, every.single.bone in my back, my hips, knees and ankle (alll on my right side) hurt. bad. I can hardly type or hold a fork sometimes. And these add'l bones just started hurting- before it was just my hip and ribs.

I am not trying to complain but there has to be SOME relief somewhere, somehow. I WISH doctors would listen to me when I tell them that something is wrong. Its not just me being lazy and complaining. I can barely get out of bed most mornings I am so stiff and in so much pain. I am tired of living on pain pills, not being able to get on the floor to play with Vaughn, feeling too tired to read books, too exhuasted to even talk most of the time. My poor kiddo!!

Going to an apt tomorrow morning for my hip and we'll see what they say. My guess is nothing. since thats what always happens. I will be switching family doctors because all mine wants to do is throw perscriptions at me for pain pills and send me on my way. I HATE PAIN PILLS. i dont want to take them. I want to feel better! UGHHHH.

Just thought I'd share

For probably 3 years now, every location I have lived (which is a LOT) I have kept on my fridge a magazine insert that had family friendly ideas or resolutions on it. They are cute, fun, thought provoking and I have never taken the list down. I just re read it and thought I'd share some of the super fab ideas it offers. Hope you can take a couple. There are a hundred, I wont share that many!

• camp overnight in the living room, have a pillow fight.
• clean the garage. the goal? Broom hockey, tape up the floor, hand out brooms and a ball and go to town!
• have a family memory night where everyone rights down favorite and funniest memories and then they are read aloud during dinner.
• create your own family holiday to be done every year. Pick a random date, invite each family member to help with planning a unique celebration. (sounds super fun!)
• once a week leave an I Love You note in a random spot for one family member. (a shoe, coat pocket, a sticky on the laptop. etc)
• Eat your way through the alphabet over the course of 26 days. A is for aebleskiver, b is for baklaava, c is for calamarie, you get the picture).
• start a prayer jar. When something is needing prayed about, write it down-when its weighing on your heart or you are worried about a specific thing- put it in the prayer jar and at the end of the year, go back through and read them to remember God's faithfulness and how he has resolved these needs. (such a great idea!!!)
• When your child is sharing something with you, stop everythign you are doing- look them in the eye and ask a follow up question. Always.
• Chose someone from a news story in a foreign country and pray for them all year.
• fill a jar with fun local things to do and draw one out every week, two weeks, month- whatever.
• mac n cheese by candlelight. Have a low stress meal all done up with fancy clothes, candles, music.
• make a list of 12 parks in the area- visit a new one each month.
• create a family quote board. when someone says something funny or strange, post it on the board so everyone can see.
• research new years traditions from the country or your heritage and pass them along to your family as new traditions.
• leave small "kind word" notes or love letters under the pillows of your family members.
• once a month, invite a family over for dinner on the spur of the moment. The house will be messy, the food will be take out and the evening will be fantastic!
• Celebrate the little stuff. Hang banners for goal scorers, shoe typing experts etc and honor tooth losers by serving pudding for dessert.

Now, go love on your families!

Welcome, Welcome 2012!

So, I'm a day late and a dollar short. I haven't blogged about Vaughn's birthday, halloween, Thanksgiving or Christmas festivities. So much so much has happened. We did a 24 day advent calendar of activities leading up to Chrismtas which is a welcome new tradition and so much fun, we built our first gingerbread house and went ice skating! Vaughn got up every morning so excited to see what her bag had to hold for the day and see how many days were left til Christmas. I will post more on the above mentioned special occassions and its a resolution to be better about blogging. Truth be told, sometimes when I've been on the computer editing for hours the last thing I want to do is get BACK on it to blog. But I'll be better- I swear.

I was SO ready to kiss 2011 goodbye and welcome 2012 with open arms. 2011 was for me, one of the WORST years I have ever had. A year where I was broken, sad, confused, lost & desperate. My focus was on trying to fix everythign instead of TRUSTING THE PROCESS. (another resolution of mine this year. TRUST THE PROCESS). I dont know what that process is or is supposed to be but I have to trust that its all happening at whatever speed and however it should. I just need to bask in it.


The new year was spent at my grandma's house in Illinios. I had debated up until hours before the trip if I would be going or not. Its a long drive, for Vaughn and myself and I have not been feeling too good. On top of that I have mounds of editing I need to catch up on. But I went. Turns out it was just what I needed. I needed to be hours away from all distractions, miles away from the people who cause me confusion and the things I have on my mind. I got to wrap gifts and spend some time with grandma and we played Banana Grams to bring in the new year, in our jammies.

December 31st, night, barefoot, shorts. Insane!

The kids all went outside at some random time like 8:30 before bed and whooped and hollered under the lit up trees outside to bring in the new year. They had fun and felt like real party animals. We had fun and felt like anything but party animals. I was just thankful to be able to stay awake that long! Here are some pics.

I got a Ukelele for Christmas. SO EXCITED. I have learned several chords but still cannot play a darn thing. Vaughn however is getting a big kick out of waking me up in the mornings with my "Galalee." She's gonna be a star. of that I'm certain.

Oh the memories. These shall stay with her forever. I have vivid and fond fond memories being up in this tractor with my uncle and grandpa. Dusty, uncomfortable and beautiful. Makes me full of joy that she loves it too!

Ice skating. I am so blessed to have an ex husband who still see's the imporance in getting together with us to do these fun activities. He helped me get my ice skates on, pulled us both up to the ice and I put one foot on and decided not to go. :( too unstable and the last thing i needed was for my hip to break before the holidays. They had so much fun. they got around the rink 2 times in an hour. But the memories are well worth it.

New Years Eve at my grandmas. This is how she celebrated.

Now for the Resolutions!
Sometimes they seem stupid to do. No one follows through- but I do them anyways.

*2012 is a year of finding myself. Its a year to celebrate and get back to who I am , what I want and to shape our lives to be full of dignity, self expression and love.
*to actually do the things I see on pinterest and not just pin them. Recipes, crafts, the whole bit.
*try new restaurants, new drinks, travel to new places, meet new people and make new friends.
*blog more regularly
*learn the Ukelele
*Be more financially secure and keep chipping away at any debt.
*Trust the process!
*Grow my business and push myself further in creativity.
*