Sick girl

Poor Vaughn-elise has an ear infection....again. It started friday night with her getting up several times and then saturday...NO SLEEP. Literally. My parents and i took shifts but I could hear her crying and was unable to get to sleep myself. It was miserable. I felt horrible for her. High fever, stuffy nose, pain in her ears.... i could have cried for her...She couldnt sleep- was uncomfortable. And the stupid doctor wouldnt give us meds because he wanted to see if it would go away on its own. Poor girl. If she wasnt acting better today I would have gone somewhere else. She is doing better, still stuffy but a completely different child. The doctor gave us numbing drops for her ears and sudafed for her cold which seem to be really helping. Not that I want to over medicate her, but I say if the girl is sick- let her get some relief. Hopefully things will continue to get better.

No more walking since this weekend but I am watching her right now walking around her crib, holding on and letting go with such consentration, moving her feet and then falling. She keeps getting up...my little trooper, im so proud of her!!!

I am fed up with myself lately- the way i look, the way I feel! Yuck- blah! I put on some capris this mornign and could barely button them- DISCOURAGING. I am really getting serious again about getting back in shape, losing weight, taking more time to physically take care of myself, do my hair more often, just do things that make me feel good. I just have to stick with it. Its no fun dieting or working out but i need to start realizing that if i dont change things I will just keep hating the way i look. Not fun.

Refreshing....

• Saturday I got a phone call from one of my best friends in High School...Scott....we stayed in touch the first year of college and then had not spoken since...(out of busy life schedules, not out of a falling out.) It was great to get to hear from him. He came over and we talked for hours and then met up with another one of my bff's shannon. It was great. I miss having friends just to talk to. My h-s friends often remind me of who I really am without all the stresses of life. i feel like they just "know me..." like they just get who i am and they love me for that and there is no explainations and no trying to prove things and no trying to act a certain way. Just goofy old, emotion, sappy, often a little bit nuts-o me is just fine for them. I love that. It was refreshing to see them, to catch up, to remember what its like to have a good heart to heart with someone who cares about you-and they genuinely want to know how you are- not just "hows work." I love that about friends. It took a load off my shoulders I forgot I was carrying.

FIRST STEPS!!!

I am soo thankful I was able to witness Vaughn-elise's first steps. How amazing!! I trully didnt think it would be such a big deal. But only two steps and I was the proudest mama in the entire world...I screamed for a minute, cried a few tears and did the happiest dance ever. My excitement scared her and she fell down but she was so proud of herself. She just beamed. She has been trying to do that for weeks now. She was standing by the bed and I was a few feet away holding her blanket...not even trying to get her to walk and she just looked at me, held her sweet little arms out and took two steps! She looked down like "Oh my goodness, what have I done?" and then just smiled and smiled. OHHH Im so excited. She hasnt done it since. I think she knew I needed to be the first to see it. I could have rented a plane to spell it across the sky I was so darn excited for her.

If my camera wasnt broken I would add pics of her standing so you all could see!

TGIF like never before`

Can we say ...longest week EVER? Man, I am so glad its friday. Had another PT apt today (much smoother thanks, I nixed the fiber drinks for now:)

I think VE is getting sick though, I am not sure if its her ears or her teeth bothering her but she's unnaturally irritable, not hungry and up a million times per night. Its wearing me out and I feel horrible for her. She seems fine during the days- no fussiness reported from her sitter though both her daddy and her sitter say she has been sleeping more than normal. I will see how the weekend goes and take her to the doctor monday if she still seems upset. She fell asleep at 7 on the dot like normal and I just now laid her down..up she shot and now she's staring at me smiling. My sweet baby.

I was thinking tonight as I held her and snugled that she trully is such a miracle. It makes me think about life in general and how it all starts as just two tiny cells....its so amazing. Its sometimes hard for me to realize that she was ever so tiny and inside my tummy. She is so precious and i just stare at her- I could look at her for hours and never bore of it. She is just perfection. So sweet. So innocent and impressionable. Thats something i worry about- I want her to have such a great out look on life and to have a great sense of humor and a strong sense of self and i have to evaluate myself and my thinking everyday to try to be a model of those things for her. I want her to be able to worry less and play more, stress less and laugh more, i want nice words and thoughts to overwhelm her, I want her to be compasionate and empathetic and I never want her to feel uneasy or unsafe or insecure. Though I know those things are natural feelings at some point. I want her to admire me and want to have my qualities....and so I am trying hard to be the person I want her to see in me....confident, passionate, enthusiastic, honest, encouraging....

i am so excited to see the person she will become, the things she will say when she can talk, the way she will laugh when somehting is funny (though I am getting a glimpse of that with peek a boo). She is a very laid back baby...though fairly serious....she rarely belly laughs (but fake laughs alot when she thinks others are laughing.) She is so interested in everything around her and cannot concentrate because she's so curious about EVERYTHING. I swear sometimes she'll break her neck from trying to see around a corner. I love that about her...her inquisitive nature. She is such a busy body and always wants to be on the move....I cannot decide if its her personality or her body trying to learn new ways of moving...walking, standnign, dancing....


I love her to the moon and back and I hope she never for one second in her life doubts my deep crazy, passionate love that i have for her. She is the best thing thats ever happened in my life....Please, God....help me make her know that and feel that every day.

Is it really only Wednesday?

I am not going to lie....this week has seemed like an eternity. Work, to be honest, sucks. Our department has gone from 8 to 3 (one of which is leaving in 2 weeks for maternity leave and the other who is temporarily in customer service training....leaving just me) it is horrible. and the worst part is, there is NOTHING for me today. Literally today I sat at my desk from 8-1 and stared at my computer screen... we are not supposed to be online much so i just sat there. For the next two hours I shredded papers...literally,thats all i did all day long. in my opinion if your work place has nothing for you to do, they should send you home with pay...not making you use your hard earned PTO, but just let you go- they would be paying you the same amount to go home and sit as they are paying you to sit there and take up electricity. Its so annoying. Frankly, i cannot handle much more of it. The whole time i am sitting there i am thinking of all the precious one on one time i could be having with sweet Vaughn-elise and its being wasted....for nothing. I wish I was a stay at home mom..or I had a job with an internal day care or something. I miss the sillies out of her when she is not there. Luckily- she has an outstanding sitter who texts and calls etc to check in and let me know how her day is going. I appreciate that so much.

Lately I have been in a slump. Every few months I just get sick of myself and want a change...well that time has hit. I need a make over, I need to go on a seriuos diet/workout regimine, id like to do something with my hair, start tanning again, get a pedicure, something to make me feel something other than fat, lazy, and gross. Ever have those days? Weeks? Months? Although my current weight is a good 15 less than when i got pregnant, my body is way different. I have not been thin for a long time, but i just feel blah and flabby and gross now. I hate that. I desperately need some new clothes for work but everytime i try somethign on it either looks like maternity wear to hide my belly or it looks gross. I hate this!

P.S. I was talking with a great friend who lives in Alaska. She said its rainy and in the 40's there. i am jealous! i am ready for the fall...though i do love these thunderstorms I just wish they would h.appen in the early evening so i could see them! I miss my sweet friend Laura.

Also, funny-embarrassing story. Today I had a physical therapy appointment. I am kind of into these fiber packets taht you put into your water. They taste great and definetly give me alot of fiber...problem is they make me crazy "gassy" and bloated. So- forgetting i had the PT apt, i drank three of them today. And I got the the apt, and he called me back and I laid down. Instantly I knew this was going to be bad as my stomach started to "bubble". The problem is I have to be totally relaxed for him to work on me. He's the sweetest most intuitive man i have ever met and he always says he is "listening to my body." So today, I wanted to talk alot as I did not want him to hear me gurgling. though I am sure he could feel me clenching up every few seconds trying to alleviate the "bubbles". So, I am praying the whole time that God just let me have a few gas free moments (though I am sure God was cracking up) so I couuld get this over with and go home...Normally I am totally relaxed and enjoying his massages and conversation. I really dont remember a thing we talked about today... but he does this therapy move where he puts one hand right on my butt...literally he has me lift my hips and puts his hand right under my butt, then he pushes, yes, pushes on my stomach and pelvis. GREAT. I am really praying hard now. He has to lower his head to do what he does and i can just see myself ripping major gas right next to his face and all over his hand.... Man, i was so tight. He kept telling me to relax. One time I even had to pretend my shoe was falling off so i could have him move and i could sit up and clench and try to internally pop the bubble all within a few split seconds. It was a good relief though. So i l aid back down and he did this move for another 15 minutes! i was miserable and by the time i had to walk out to leave I was scared to stand up or even take a step...i just talked alot in case some gas let go while he was walking me otu- hopefully he wouldnt hear it. Needless to say i was probably more tense when I left that PT apt than when I went in.... Moral of the story- dont drink fiber before someone is going to be "in that region."

I think I am the only person in Dallas county who slept through the storms last night, but i sure did. Slept like a baby. With the fan on high and the soundspa on loud- i dont hear much of anything. Aparently my parents went out to save the gazebo and almost blew off the deck. Wish i could have seen that!

Sweet Vaughn-elise is standing now- all by herself for long periods of time. She has this look in her eyes like she's ready to take off at any time. Its hillarious. I really hope I am the first to see her walk...and if not, I hope no body tells me that she did it! that way i can at least think I am the first to see it! My camera is broke and i am super bummed...im going to have to find another one shortly as i am missing many picture ops!

You have to be kidding...

This cannot trully be sunday night?!!! That means tomorrow is monday and the work week begins again. BARF. I am so ready for a long vacation. i say that like i have one planned....which i dont. It was a good weekend with Vaughn- she is growing so fast that any and all time i get with her is time i trully cherish. I tell you- I envy stay at home moms. She's passed out in her crib and looks so darn cute, i could look at that tiny face all day everyday and never bore of it.

No new knews to report. We had the kinney fam. potluck last night which is always a blast. Matthew's girlfriend maria brought her brother. it was good having them here. He is thinking about moving to wilmington, NC.. (where i used to live) and it was nice to be able to reminisc and talk about it with him. I miss that place SO much...it was a stressful point in my life financially (when isnt really) but i just felt very free there...it was a great changing point in my life that i will remember forever. But i do hope Vaughnna never decides to move that far away from me!

On a thankful note- that storm last night was phenomenol, no? The lighting was brilliant. Cant wait for more storms this week!
Well, Im bored outta my mind, i think ill watch a movie. Enjoy the end of your weekend everyone!

Crazy mixed up sort of day!

Today....stressful....good....annoyed....smiley.

Its one of those days. It started out rotten, yet perfect. I teach art classes to a small group of young children on Saturday mornings at a park in des moines. Today, apparently everyone forgot to email me that they wouldnt be at class. Luckily i had taken vaughn along this time which i have never done before. I went and had a feeling i shouldnt set up so i just took my things up to the shelter and didnt set anythign up. in the meantime Vaughn and I got to play on the swings (which she just loves), go down slides, play with the machanical thing, teeter totter, crawl on the play area...it was great... we got so into playing and having fun that when i looked at the clock, class was over and no one had ever showed up...good thing i didnt set everything up. i was really annoyed by them not emailing- but glad no one showed up so i could get some good ole play time in!

Hit a couple garage sales- nothing amazing but found a few "future preparing" outfits for Vaughn for the fall/winter and a few things for gabs and dre.

Vaughn elise didnt nap today- which was stressful as she was so tired when we got home from the park but just couldnt get to sleep...we rocked, fed, changed diaper, rocked some more, layed down with her, left the room so she could be alone...tried it all- no napping. Normally, this wouldnt bother me... I would just get her otu and let her play until she was ready to sleep. But today of all days we had to plan her 9 month pictures. I thought I would try target this time since portrait innovations was good, but pricey and sort of a stressful mess. so I got there...early- i apprently wrote the time down wrong. So we wasted time in target (always fun, but slightly less with a tired child.) the picture session was a disaster. the girl who took them was super nice- but one of those loud, high pitched, loud clapping, squeeling, tickling kind of girls that scared the CRAP out of Vaughn. So, she cried...and cried...and cried. All the pictures are either with me (which needless to say I was NOT prepared for) or with big alligator tears in her eyes. There were a few good ones but I ended up just getting one pose (in a package) and figure after she napped i would be better able to look at them online and pick what i liked...or just get them retaken. There are a few I would love to have (a crying one, so cute, on with me, some close ups etc.) but not htat i want more than one of....stressful.
oh well, Vaughn crashed on the way home and is still asleep. Poor thing, she is the best little girl and does so well even when she is tired, but i just feel badly that i cannot let her lay down and sleep when we are running errands....its hard to always time things around those nappies.

ANYWAYS, enough details about my day- tonight is kinney family potluck night. Always exciting, always great food....Delish.

9 month check up

Today is a busy busy day. Vaughn-elise had her nine month check up. She is perfect! She is really slimming down and back into most of her 9-12 month clothes instead of 12-18 month so i was excited to see what she weighed. She was 21 pounds...only gained a pound in a half in 3 months and she is 29.5 inches long!! Thats a 3 inch growth in 3 months. Aunt mimi is right, she is tall and thin. She has hit all of the elements they had hoped for by this point. She said her digestive track still seems slightly lacking in comparison to others her age but she was not worried. She said the only difference will be that we will have to keep her on baby food longer and she will not be able to switch to soy milk at a year like the rest of the kids...once she gets her swallowing technique better she will be able to slowly increase her solids and decrease her liquids. She is still eating roughly half of the solid foods she sh ould be and twice as much bottles...but the doctor said there is a wide range of normal at this age and she is just fine. She said to take our time, which is what i am doing. It was strange that before I left she wished Vaughn-elise a happy 1 year early as she will not see her until a few days after her 1 year apt. That was so strange to me! She is almost a year old!!!

I am home with her today as I could not get ahold of Rudy when I went to drop her off so I had to call in to work. Thats always a bummer to use unneccessary PTO time but its nice to be home with her.She is naping now and I have another apt with the physical therapist this afternoon and then an apt with a financial planner (hopefully he's not too rough on me!) so she will be going to Deena's again this afternoon for a few hours. I am so thankful that we have her to watch Vaughn-elise. It is nice that she is able to have the one on one attention and has another sweet baby girl close to her age to grow with. Deena got a new mini weiner that Vaughn just loves! She is so great with her...no worries when she is there....what a relief for a mother!

Today does not seem like a friday....it seems like a Wednesday. I have so many things to do and no time to get them done so i best be getting some of those things marked off while Vaughn is asleep.

More pictures from a while back...

I cannot look at this picture without nearly wetting myself. She looks like....a mad old farm women who just found out her cows ran away again....haha...so stinking funny.

andre at his first garage sale....enjoying it as you can see.

Vaughn-elise at her first garage sale...practicing her cheerleading kicks.

Didnt feel like cutting the grass today, i guess?

Mama and her baby kisses

Picture of the Farm on the 4th

Papa and Vaughna at the farm...checkin on the goat... It was scorching hot but dad had bad poison Ivy so the blanket was a must!

This is a perfect picture! Vaughn has this obsession with trying to rip peoples lips off. she has literally pulled skin from the inside of my lip and here she decides uncle matt doesnt need his mouth anymore either. he just puts up with it. Good uncle matt.

Vaughnna being beautiful in her 4th of July outfit!

Her first trip the farm, first 4th of July and first pancakes...quite the morning for her!

My sweet sweet grandma and Vaughn-elise.

I am in love with my physical therapist....

I know- quite the confession for a blog- but its true. He is the most amazing man...for real. I am so excited to get to have him fix my completely disastrous body! No no, I am not in love with him in an oh i want to marry you sort of way (though Im sure he would always be up for backrubs...hmmm...on second thought...) He could tell everything that was wrong with me, where i hurt, where i didnt, what my personality was like...that im moody everything all from gently touching my muscles. And insurance covers this??? FANTASTIC. i am excited to start feeling better. Twice a week for the rest of the year may get overwhelming but hey, if he can fix me...ill show up.

Vaughn-elise...my sweet nine month old. It amazes me how she changes daily. Her three teeth, trying to walk, she is so attentive and really getting into books. She says MAMA NOW!!!! What was i worried about? A little practice and hearing it a million times a day did the trick! What a proud mama i am!!!!

Last night at the dinner table we were debating what she is and is not old enough to try to eat. She has this choking problem....like something in her airway doesnt close correctly or something and several times a day she chokes. Usually she is fine and can get it out on her own but i have several times had to turn her upside down and gently hit her back to get it out...we've even had to stick fingers in her mouth to fetch it out. Part of this is her finding everything to put in her mouth....if there is nothing on the floor she will pull carpet out of the floor and put it in her mouth. Not joking at all there! Anyways, the point of that is that i have struggled with what to give her. She eats puffs and some of the gerber snacks...bitter biscuits...nutrigrain bar things and does fine. Ocassionally she will choke some but usually she does great...
SO, i decided to try the gerber transition foods. I bought some of those nasty turkey wieners and some diced peaches, apples, pears etc. I tried them tonight and aside from gagging on the taste of the weiners, she did great. She was hillarious. She would smell the spoon with the diced wiener on it and then stick her tongue out and start gagging. she is so dramatic...she rolls her eyes back and sticks her tongue out and she did that the whole time she was eating them....but then she'd act like she wanted more. She only ate one wiener and kept it down all night. She loved the apples- though they were a little slippery and kept shooting from the back of her gum to the front lip and then she'd throw her hands up to catch it....
Oh, she's a riot.

Going too fast....

This weekend that is. I just feel like they are never long enough to get done what I have intended to get done. This one epsecially, I have been exhausted. i cannot seem to wake up. I have been taking every oppurtunity for naps and for sleeping when Vaughn-elise sleeps. I think lately my mind has not settled down at night and i stay up thinking, planning etc and its catchign up with me!
After church today we went to my sisters for lunch. Its so nice to be able to go over there and enjoy the company and let Vaughn-elise have some time with her cousins and her aunt and uncle. i am so excited for the to grow together and be best friends. She is napping now. I need to clean and then I am going to nap too!

We may try to catch a baseball game this afternoon- though I am undecided on that.

Ready to start over.

This seems to be the theme of my life lately. In every aspect. I am just ready to start over. Due to the lack in blogging ( I have cooled off and am ready to start up again.) I alot has happened but I do find it overwhelming to start from the beginning and write about it. So I will pick up one day at a time. I am learing I do best this way anyways. Vaughn-elise is almost 9 months old. That breaks my heart- I cannot believe this past year has gone so fast. I want to do it all over again...slower...I want to spend more time on the floor playing, less time at work, more time reading, less time running errands, more time snuggling, less time on everything else. She is growing so fast. She has three teeth now and is really starting to slim down some. I just adore her to pieces. She has mastered crawling and it into EVERYTHING. She has fallen down the three kitchen stares, propelled off the edge of the bed, gotten bumps and bruises and she still keeps smiling that hilarious goofy grin. She's a trooper. ( No, i dont ignore her or leave her to herself....I am always right there when she gets hurt which makes it worse...she's just too fast!) She is my sunshine through and through.

We took her to the fair tonight. The dallas county fair. It always is funny to me how much enjoyment Rudy and I get out of taking her places for the first time or showing her things for the first time- when really, she could give a darn. We took her through the animals. A pig sniffed her foot and she just looked at me like...get me out of this smelly place. Though, she does love animals, farm animals seem to be less her thing than cats and dogs and zebras. We went to the Demo Derby. Rudy and I had a good time and she did great. The noise didn't bother her abit- though the dirt clods flying at her head were worrysom... good thing Rudy was on top of the "take cover pose". Fireworks followed and wouldnt you know it- she slept through the whole show. oh well, they were kind of a bust anyways- but her first fireworks nonetheless. We will have to count next year as her first and make sure she's awake for them:)

Things with work are hectic- there have been alot of lay offs and my best friends there are no longer working there..none of them. Our department has gone from 8 really close people to three (one who is leaving on maternity leave for two months). Its quiet and the days are long. I got a small raise which always helps but regardless- the people I worked with were the reason I loved my job...now, not so much.

Things in the relationship field are unresolved and in limbo so i will leave that topic alone.

oh yes, one more thing....Vaughn-elise seems to get this surge of energy around 10 pm everynight. She could be asleep and all of a sudden she's up jumpin in her crib. Yes Yes she has learned to jump in her crib...her feet literally come off the mattress and her legs often go flying in different directs only for her to land on her knees. Its hilarrious and she loves it. Then she stands up, lays her head on the railing, thumb in mouth and she falls asleep...then falls over. Its the funniest thing- but i pretend i am not watching or she just stays up longer. She's quite the show off. i think walking is fast approaching. She is able to stand on her own...not holding onto anythign or anyone for about 5 seconds now.

PS. She still only says Dada...is this strange. She's almost nine months...should she be saying more by this point? I am concerned....no mama yet! SAD. She does say MMMMmmmm though when she eats...too funny.