long long day

I havent had too many bad days yet at work...today was one. I was just done with it. So over it. I kept screwing things up, didnt know the answers when people called and it just felt like it was never going to end! I cannot wait to be past the learning part and into a routine! The "swine flu" girl is still there so i guess she's fine. Rudy, however, is obsessed with this darn swine flu. i havent even thought much about it, but EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. he calls thats the topic of convo. Pretty crazy. In fact, he wont even come visit until Friday because he is scared I am contaminated from the chic at work. Annoying and rediculous!
I am in great need of a vacation. on a beach. margarita in hand. nothing to do.

After a long annoying game of phone tag, we got V's surgery scheduled for Tuesday morning. Poor chica. she has been extra clingy lately and tired and I am hoping when she gets feeling better she will be her normal spunky self.

I definelty need to get on the potty training ball. I am so hot and cold with it....i know thats my fault and had i stuck to my guns I absolutly know we would be out of diapers by now. Gr. I annoy myself.

Cant wait to go to the farm over memorial day weekend. CAnt wait to go to the doctor in a couple weeks and cannot wait for the landlord to finish the siding which he started today. ...well he started ripping off a small section of siding.

so...not to be dramatic, but the girl that sits next to me at work just got back from a week trip to Mexico last night at midnight. today, she looked downright horrible. Half way through the day she kept saying she didn't feel good at all and thought she was "plane sick " still and said she felt bad since she was on the plane...we were all a little leary to get near her. Then she started sweating ALOT and then started puking. I am pretty sure she has pig flu. I am hoping she stays home from work tomorrow. We'll see.

On a sad/good note. Vaughn-elise went tot he specialist today for her ears. He took one look in them and said they were some of the worst he'd seen in some time. HE said he couldn't believe how bad they looked and that they didn't send her to him earlier. He was pretty put off that they would let her be on antibiotics that long that obviously were not working....and said it was a waste of our money to have been putting her on them because they didn't work. obviously. so, she has to have surgery. Both getting tubes put in AND getting her adenoids (spelling?) taken out. That part worries me. My friend becky got hers taken out and snored horrible and talked like she always had a headful of snot...they say thats whats cuasing the infection- that the adnoids are not allowing the sinus's to drain and thus effecting the ears? We are supposed to figure out tomorrow when the surgery will be. Im more than nervous and wondering if its necessary. The tubes yes, the other im not so sure....

Anyone k now anything about the adenoids?

bittersweet

Nothing beats a good storm...I love the sound of the thunder, the lightening in the sky, the piddle paddle of the rain....drip drip drop little april shower song going through my head all day...

that is until you need an umbrella and galoshes to go into your kitchen!!! Apparently the landlord never sealed the newly installed kitchen window. Idiot! Its april in Iowa. What do you think is going to happen. There are PUDDLES (not exagerating) in my kitchen and when i step on the rug is squirts through my toes. Two rolls of papertowels, a magazine, a box of kleanexes and some stuff under the sink is ruined and now in the trash, my good new bathtowels are soaking up the rain and i cannot get ahold of my landlord. I do not need a night like this!! The sink is not sealed to the counter either which is where a hole the outside is covered by plastic, thus the reason for the ants. Great. What a good start huh?? im annoyed, tired and really just wanting to watch a movie and catch up on some homework but instead Im playing "wipe the rain, change the towel, dry the towel...dont slip, swoop the standing water from the counter into the sink and rush to catch it as it runs under the sink, change the towel, dry the towels....grrr"
thanks to this they are going to have to repaint the kitchen becasue the paint is bubbling off the walls its so wet. Awesome. I also have standing water in my hard and patio and Im guessing before morning if it keeps raining it will flood in the slididng glass doors and soak my living room. im annoyed. Beyond. If you have a tenent in your home KEEP IT UP. FIX WHAT NEEDS FIXED. Make sure its liveable for crying out loud. i could scream. HE better come fix it fast!

settling in...finally

In our new entry way wearing mama's shoes!

Trying to potty train...slowly....she thinks she's big stuff.

crazy hair sock hands....ahhh

lovin the ONE piece of furniture we have....we LOVE it. best thing ive ever purchased...and amanda bought the same one on the same day and we didnt even know it...too funny.

Dont think i have mentinod it...she is OBSESSED With things that involve hard motor skills...putting these little pegs into the holes in the board, she'll do this for EVER. She has also gotten into beading....i bought a bag of wooden beads with shoe strings at a garage sale and she does it several times a day, for along time....she just sits and strings beads on the shoe string.....a mechanic on our hands?? maybe so.

We have been staying in the new place for a week now and are finally settling in a bit. There is still so much I want to do...get things hung on the walls first and foremost but we have settled into a routine and are doing well. I finally have internet here after many complications with the stupid company, tv is hooked up (though not getting much use) and I am working now on V's bedroom. She is currently staying in her pack n play in my room at night (or in bed with me) because I cannot decide if I want to have rudy tear her crib down and bring it here, or if I am ready/she is ready for a toddler bed or a big girl bed. I just cannot decide but think the crib is just not right for her at this point. the pack n play has taller sides than the crib so she can climb out of it but doesnt often.

We have her specialist apt on Tuesday for the ears and hopefully he will FINALLY allow her to get tubes....dont get me wrong, I dont want her to have any unncessary procedures....but at 18 months old and I believe she's had 13 ear infections- that is ALOt of antibiotics for such a little squirt. The meds make her have yeast infections and diahreah and just in general dont work. I feel horrible for her, but she's such a trooper!!!

On my way to town to run errands today I stopped at a few lonely garage sales and found some great deals because no one was out in this nasty weather!!!

So, I think my foot is broken. Not being dramatic in the slightest! I have an apt set in IA CITY for the 18th with an entire days worth of bone tests scheduled. The doctor jumped when I said ouch and he got everything scheduled....hours upon hours upon hours of bone scans, CTs, X rays, Densidty tests etc. At first I thought I was getting artheritis. The pain is HORRIBLE (and I have a high pain tollerance) but its to the point that when V is in bed with me and she rolls over, it wakes me up in immense pain. The bridge of my foot near my heal started hurting about 2 months ago....then my knee was killing me...literally felt like my knee cap was tearing off of my knee...and then my ankle started up...and is now HUGE and looks like I have put a small orange under the skin its so swollen. Last night I got out of bed, in tears and laid on the floor and propped my foot on the bed to ease the rediculous throbbing. rudy doesnt think its broken because its not bruised, but something is wrong and its been hurting for around 2 and half months so i know its just just "twisted" and it doesnt feel like that anyways. It is intense. Iw ould have gone to the doctor right away, but...no insurance til May 1st. I may try to bump my apt up sooner if I can.....
Anyways, enough complaining.

I love the stormy weather!!! Posting a few pics but will post more as the rooms get finished.

almost....

my parents helped me move some stuff in tonight. Not all there yet but closer. I put some of my kitchen stuff together and got some of the bathroom stuff together, I am excited to go garage saling with Maria this weekend and see what good deals i can find as far as bookshelves, bar stools etc goes. im excited to start making it a home. really excited. i am going to try to keep as little stuff as possible so its easy to keep clean and organized! Vaughn loves it...runs all over. (so im gonna need some gates for the stairs.) but it even smells new! Ive NEVER lived in a place that smelled new....let alone actually was brand new. everything. the landlord put little signs in the kitchen and bat that said. " Welcome home." It was cute. I got my keys but he hasnt asked for rent yet?! Hopefully tomorrow night we can stay the night there. EXCITING. and probably a little lonely...and boring. I dont get TV or internet until next week. EEK.

update

Yup, still at my parents. Man, I cannot tell you how Pee'd off I am! Seriously! Today he told me he could probably "make room" for some of my stuff. So when I got there, there was still no lock on the door and tools etc EVERYWHERE downstairs. he said I couldnt stay there tongiht because he bought the wrong size stove and needed to get it replaced early in the morning. He was trying to fix the screen door and the garage was locked because it still had the ex tenants things in it. The mattress was delivered and the inside is really nice. I am going to really like it. He said as soon as I get moved in they will start on the siding and then when the weather is nicer theyw ill fix the yard and fence it. IDK, seems like alot of work if you ask me when its taken this long to fix the inside. He said he bought the wooden venitian blinds for every window whcih would have been nice of him to communicate when I have been buying blinds. He said I could move in everything upstairs because it was done (and looked great I might add) but my parents had made other plans and my brother didnt want to help and rudy left for chicago so I was on my own wiht vaughn and couldnt do anything. I was really upset about it becasue i had been asking people to help for like 3 weeks and then the day off no one is willing. I think I may take a few tubs over now since I ended up falling alseep when i put vaughn down. I was so bumbed I didnt want to do anything so I just laid with her and dozed. I am more than anxious to get moved in and more than dissappointed that I had my hopes up for today and nothing was able to be done. I have the keys and he said as of tomorrow I should be able to stay in there. I better. I have stuff I want to do this weekend and want to get settled and let V get aquainted to the new place and not be rushed all weekend to get stuff moved in. Its irritating. Now that Im done writing this I cannot decide if I want to take another load over or not. GRRRRRR.....

nothing like waitin til the last possible moment...

So, I am supposed to be moving tomorrow and fingers crossed I still will. I called the landlord today just to confirm that I could get my key when I got off work etc. I told him I am having my new bed delivered around 5:30 and he acted slightly hesitant....long story short....the front door is still not on, the door is borded up because its being repainted and he "hopes " it will be done by tomorrow at 5...he still has not purchased (as of noon) or installed the dishwasher, washer and dryer, fridge, stove or medicine cabinet (but he didnt think that would be difficult to get done...ha. He also needed to scrub the bathroom and said he hoped i didnt need the garage til after this weekend because the tenents who moved out 4 months ago still have all their crap in there. He is hoping it will be out this weekend. GRRRR, talk about poppin my bubble! He seemed to think that it would be fine and dandy and just had those "last minute details" (a fridge, a detail?) to take care of. Im a littler nervous it wont be live in ready.... fingers crossed it will be. I am not going to be devestated if I cant stay the night there yet but I do want to be able to move the furniture in and at least spend the next couple days over there getting stuff unpacked and organized. Im just annoyed. Will let you know how it turns out.

Ive got a monkey on my hands

So...at the sitter today she told me that V got out of her pack n play at nap time while they were all downstairs watching a movie. She said she found her up there sitting and reading books she had pulled off the shelf. I thought it was funny, but scary. So tonight, I tuck her into bed and she is asleep so I think and Im sitting in the next room doing homework. Next thing I know her bedroom door opens and out runs ms Vaughnie looking so proud. Scared me to death. She had climbed out of her crib, all by herself and she thought she was big stuff. I put her back in there and said show mommy what you did. and sure enough, she through one leg over and climbed down. WHAT? So I had to lay in there until i thought she was out and as soon as I opened the door to leave she snuck up and tried climbing out. I watched for about ten minutes and she tried to climb out about 20 times. She would wait til she thought i wasnt watching and then "wake up" and start to climb out. SCARY. Some times she had it under control,others she was about to fall on her head. What am I going to do? I really think those crib tents are horrible and like cages and very invasive and claustraphobic but im not sure that she is ready for a big girl bed yet....she'll just climb out of that too. Any suggestions? Plus we will be moving wednesday and we'll be upstairs. I am going to get baby gates for the stairs but if she can scale a crib she can surely climb a baby gate. The worry has begun. Yup, the easy days are done!

Our Easter..in pictures...reverse order.

More interested in putting her shoes into the basket than the eggs. :)

Vaughn's loot.

It was pretty chilly, she looks ready to go inside.

Taking in the scene of chaos...adults AND children running everywhere.

Daddy looks tired after chasing Vaughn. She always takes a mad dash toward the park. Poor thing just wants to swing.

Finding her first egg ever! YAY. How precious

My sweet grandparents got to come to Easter as well. Its a long trip for them to make alone but we were very glad to have them here. They get such a kick out of watching the kiddos and we get a kick out of seeing them so joyous. (though they dont look so joyful in this picture.:)

Vaughn-elise doesnt get to see her aunt mimi much so when she does she likes to get her snuggles in. Several times she went up to her and just wanted to sit and relax. Too sweet, how come she never wants to do that with me?

Me and Matt being weird.

Vaughnie enjoying some easter basket treats.

Marshmallows. How did the Easter bunny know they were her favorite?

Finding her basket. It was soo sweet. She yanked her new bride dolly out of there and was content with just that. She was so excited about it.

Waiting patiently before church...

Her sitter Mel was very brave and dyed easter eggs with the kiddos. This is the one V did by herself. ( notice its caved in....tiny hands and fragile eggs....equals cracked eggs.) Sweet and I wish I could have kept them forever, but unfortunatly they started to stink.

This is the egg Mel helped her make. Look at those precious itty bity fingers.


Hope you all had a glorious, beautiful Easter and that you remember that even though the traditions are fun and exciting....no bunny ever died for our sins....Hallelujah that Jesus did!

HAPPY EASTER EVERYBUNNY!

a butt kickin

Last night rudy and I decided to go to anytime and work out. I have been all cocky and saying I could work out so much longer than him becuase in college, I did. I worked out twice a day for about 3 hours per day and could do advanced spin classes and was in pretty good shape. Nope. Not anymore. Not one stinking bit. Oh my goodness. Rudy was very sweet and kept saying "well, you've been out of it for a while and it takes some time to work back into it." under two miles on the eliptical and I was HURTING. There was a bigger girl next to me running her heart out and barely even breathing heavy. I was sweatin from head to toe and couldnt catch my breath. I was going two miles an hour faster than her but give me a break! RUdy more than doubled my workout and I realized, I have GOT to start going to the gym more. My crazy dancing with Vaughn doesnt exactly count as cardio. Oops. I am sore today. Pretty Pathetic!

The countdown

the countdown is on....5 more days til I move into my own place. Wait, 6...but still. It will go fast, this weekend will be busy and I still havent really packed much. I am waiting for the weather to make up its mind so I can only pack on season right now...but....its iowa and it will probably snow again in a few weeks.

So, Im feeling huge. I NEED to go to the gym. I am so sick and tired of being fat and unhappy with the way I look. SICK of it. Im just soft, there isnt a hard spot on my body...but my head. I miss the way I used to look in college...size 4, in shape, worked out twice a day, ate well....
Now, I havent worked out in way too long, I HATE my size and feel gross, i eat whatever I can grab on the run and i just feel nasty. Its time, past time, to get back in gear and take care of my body.

I have decided that I am going to do it. It might be a slow process b ut I have no one to blame for the way I look but myself. and I CANNOT believe I let myself get this heavy. Its rediculous. I worked so hard to get small in college and then I let myself balloon up. i want Vaughn to be raised seeing a good example of someone who lives a healthy lifestyle and takes care of herself and makes her body a priority. Not a fat, lazy, eat junk food kinda mom. Thats just gross. Sitting for 8 hours per day I am going to have to really pay much more attention to waht im doing and what im eating. Grrr. I hate getting old. Barf.


anyways, its bed time. sorry to be a debby downer.

strange

Its very hard to pull in the driveway and not have sadie there to greet you. Sometimes you dont realize what a big place your pets have in your life until they are gone. I bought some flowers last night and we burried her with some and have another bundle to put on top of the dirt tonight. Matt and dad worked so hard on making her old house into a nice resting place for her. She was burried with her rugs and matthew put some of her favorite chew toys in there with her. its just so sad, my heart is breaking. Especially for my sweet brother. I havent seen him so torn up in a very long time but he has wept for a solid two days. He just laid with her on the garage floor and cried and he put her in her resting spot with such struggle. He took much pride in sadie. He had taken her to the vet two weeks ago because she was acting strange. I will never forget his concern. I called the doctor yesterday to see if he missed somehting or if the tests lead to any concern or gave him any clue as to what could have happened. He was very sad about Sadie and said he saw nothing that could have hinted toward this.
Death is so difficult. Matthew broke down yesterday and said "how can anyone say pets dont have souls. What a horrible thing to say! I know Sades is in heaven." it gave me goosebumps. He started work today and hopefully that will help take his mind off of it. Though it hasnt for the rest of us.


Vaughn has ANOTHER ear infection and a bad yeast infection. if these meds dont work I am demanding something be done.

Rest in Peace sweet Sadie Dog

Today has been the saddest day since my Grandpa died. Sadie past away this morning. We are not sure what happened but my mom found her this morning. It was the most horrible thing. We have had a very sad emotional day around here. We had a ceremony for her tonight. Not a dry eye around this house. The strangest thing is that Vaughn-elise was awake from 12-4 am screaming and crying and saying "sadie outside." "Sadie ouchie" and was relentless. She was terrified, screaming those two things over and over. I walked to the kitchen to get her a bottle and pointed to the garage and said sadie is sleeping vaughn and she cried and pointed to the kitchen window and said Sadie outside, sadie ouchy. Sadie was found right outside the kitchen window. its strange. I think children must have some sort of sense about things that adults dont have. Even though she doesnt understand death, i know she realizes sadie is gone. This morning when we were pulling out of the driveway she said very somberly "bye bye sadie. Nigh nigh sadie." It was the saddest thing.

We will miss you sweet sadie hawkins. You were a good good doggie. Vaughnie thought you were the sun and we all loved you lots and lots.

Happy Birthday

This morning Vaughn elise woke me up (at 8:20!!! Atta Sleeper!) saying "Happy Birday, Mama!" Happy Birday MAMA. IT was the sweetest thing ever. Its no where near my brithday but...it was cute nonetheless. Dont ask where she learned it because it hasnt been anyones birthday around here for a very long time. It was adorable. off and on se ttold me that through out the day.

Hope you all had a "happy birday" kinda weekend!

big mistake

So, last night rudy and I decided it was date night time....great idea! My parents gave us a gift card to the movie theater back at Christmas and we had yet to use it so we decided it was time. I don't watch a lot of TV and thus don't see a lot of movie trailers but Rudy really wanted to go see this one called "knowing" with Nicholas cage. (what movie is bad that has Nicholas cage in it right?) Plus my parents had seen it and thought it was awesome. For a little back story I have HUGE anxiety about death, the end of the world and my own dying. I have a very strong feeling that I will die young/soon and that I will have to say goodbye to vaughn etc. I mean HUGE anxiety about it. Sometimes I don't want to leave the house, want to call into work etc because i get such a strong feeling I will die that day if I leave the house. Probably not many of you know this but Rudy is well aware of this issue. Not something I like to talk about to anyone and just thinking of it gives me huge anxiety. So WHY IN THE WORLD did he suggest this movie?? I had the WORST anxiety attack of my life in the theater. Luckily it was close to empty. It was the worst 2 hours of my life. i wanted to leave, come home. I was a WRECK. poor rudy. I could not stop crying and was shaking so badly i kept knocking the popcorn over. Seriously, i thought I was going to pass out. I have never had anxiety attacks that seriously but it was ridiculous. I did not know what was happening to me. He felt HORRIBLE and followed me home and sat with me until I was calm but I didn't sleep ALL NIGHT. Some of you are probably thinking I am crazy, but it was seriously the most scary thing I have ever been through. WORD OF ADVICE....DON'T watch this movie if these kinds of things bother you...at all! It was the saddest, scariest, most mentally tormenting movie i have ever seen. I didn't think i was going to make it home and just watching the movie made me feel like i was never going to see Vaughn again. You can imagine that I ran in the door and back to the room and picked her up and slept with her all night in my bed. I cannot even explain how I felt.....it was miserable. The most intense movie I have EVER seen...and I love intense movies. SO needless to say date night turned into a horrible, scary, emotionally painful night for me...and probably Rudy too. I hope I NEVER feel like that again.