...long day, feeling defeated and exhausted. i love my time home with Vaughna but being a single parent is emotionally and physically exhausting. sometimes I just want to sit and not have to chase her around and pick up one mess as she's getting into something else. When i am about ready to cry, I want to be able to hand her to her dad and say "i need five minutes to breathe." I am ready to have my own place where I can put non baby items away and out of reach instead of having to repaeatedly tell her no...and yet leaving them in her site and arms reach. I want to not have to tell her no for being a normal curious almost one year old. I want her to be able to explore and play on her own and have everything safe and unbreakable.
....its sunday night already...already? oh how i wish i had a job that paied more moeny and that i enjoyed going to....haha, doesnt everyone!
....I am looking forward to the weather getting cooler from this week on. i am ready for the string of holidays to come...ve's birthday, rudy's birthday/halloween,gabi's birthday, my birthday, thanksgiving, dads birthday, christmas, new years, andres's brithday....
...I looked at an apt on saturday. I really like it..its small in Adel but is enough for VE and myself...i cant afford it. i cannot afford anything...this makes me sick. i have to afford something...sometime soon...i have to. I want to feel confident again in my ability to support my daughter, to be on our own. If i could find a pt job to do at home for some added cash, i would take it in a heartbeat.
...lets hope this week is better than last week.....
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