Today was exactly how I anticipated. Heart wrenching. Today I could hardly say goodbye to Ve. I got her up early to spend time with her and she, I think, could sense something was different. Our morning routine was off. Let me back up and say i cried all night long, no sleep for me. So I woke with a headache from crying which sucked., Rudy got her about five minutes after i should have left so I was scrambling to explain everything to him about the sitter, what to take etc. I kissed ve a million times and was just sobbing. Poor girl was so confused! I left and Rudy said before I even pulled out she was screaming and crying and trying to open the garage door and get out. He said this went on for about 10 minutes and then he was able to distract her. that broke my heart that she was so upset! I am sure my crying didnt help her any. I cried the entire way into work and to make matter worse today was the boring training, reading mannuals etc so my mind was CONSTANTLY drifting to her, what she was doing, how she was handling it. I didnt have phone access or email access yet so i was not able to call and check on her. The bosses took us to lunch so I couldnt even call during lunch! That was devestating. Dont think I didnt cry often during the day. Whenever anyone asked me how my first day was I just cried and said "hard." They probably think im nuts! Mel, her sitter, sent me several text messages letting me know she was doing well and what activities they were doing. That was super sweet and did help alot. She said VE had a ton of fun and didnt fuss once all day...she took a great nap and played well with everyone! That was so nice to hear, she also wrote up a great note about her day. VE was so sweet and wrapped her arms around my neck when i got there and gave m e the biggest hug...that made me cry again! She was so good tonight and very lovey. I hope she missed me, but am glad she had fun at "Busy Bee's learning center." Its a cute little home daycare and she only has two other children...one of which is just a bit older than V.
it was hard to put her to bed because i wanted her to stay up and spend time with me, but she stayed up an hour later than normal and was pooped. Isnt it unreal the empty achy feeling you get when your away from your children? You would think a break would be a relief, but it never is. its just gut wrenching...thats the only way to explain it. Completely incomplete and sad! I am hoping that on Fridays (when Rudy has them off starting next week) they will be able to come meet me for lunch so that will help my day go faster!
Also, insurance is offically the most boring topic known to man. Zzzzzzz....sorry uncle greg but its just not my cup of tea....I kept glazing over and yawning...its going to make for long days and even longer weeks....
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