Good News

Well....good news... I GOT THE TOWNHOME. WHHOOOP. Exciting!!

Its bitter sweet, I have enjoyed being here and it will be sad to leave since this is where we have been the last year. Vaughn-elise has had almost all of her firsts so far here. That is hard for me to leave those memories...not that i am going far, just down the street, but its just a sentimental thing. I have shared a room with her for a year and will now be in seperate rooms...which is a good thing. just a sad thing for me. I am ready to start making a home for us...a life on our own with our own activities and time together in a "non communal" living sort of way. She will miss my parents and seeing my brother everyday. I just feel there are so many transitions for her. Her sitter is going back to work the end of may so she will be going to her FOURTH sitter in under two years. That breaks my heart for her. Just when she gets comfortable....bam, she gets ripped away and has to resettle. I am not sure where she will go next. I have a couple in homes to look into of people I know and there are some centers around my work..which i hate hate hate the thought of her in a center. I HATE that. But it might be best at this point. You know they arent going anywhere, but you miss out on so much by being in a center I believe. SIGH. I have always SUCKED at changes so no matter how small they are always difficult for me. I am very excited though and have been picking up things all year for "sometime when i move out" and its excited to start think about where I will put things and how I want to decorate etc. I have a whole list of things I still need to get and it will be fun because V will have not only her own room/nursery but also her own toy room. the townhome is three bedroom and 1.5 bath so she will be able to have a room just for sleeping (a STRONG belief of mine....no TVS or distractions in the bedroom...it should be a place for relaxing and sleeping.) and then a seperate room for all her toys. I want it to be a super fun room for her. I picked up a baby blue pot and pan at TJMAX and have a color theme in mind for the kitchen. I have my fears and worries of living alone...what if something happens and i get scared, what if I ihave nightmares like i do several times a week and i KNOW im there alone, what If I fall and V is alone, what if someone breaks in, what if what if what if.....but I am trying my best to focus on the fact that this is a fresh new start for us...and Im doing it on my own. I am intentionally choosing how i want our life to be and how want to raise her and I want her to see that I will do whatever I have to to make the best life for her and I, I want her to know that her mother is strong and that I love her more than she will ever ever be able to comprehend. I want her to feel safe with me and I want to show her that we CAN do it just the two of us if we have to.

I will keep you posted as to the move in but at this point it looks like april 15th...possibly sooner. I am excited to see it finished since when i went it was cement floors and bare dry wall. It will be fun to be in a brand spanking new place.