Is it really only Wednesday?

I am not going to lie....this week has seemed like an eternity. Work, to be honest, sucks. Our department has gone from 8 to 3 (one of which is leaving in 2 weeks for maternity leave and the other who is temporarily in customer service training....leaving just me) it is horrible. and the worst part is, there is NOTHING for me today. Literally today I sat at my desk from 8-1 and stared at my computer screen... we are not supposed to be online much so i just sat there. For the next two hours I shredded papers...literally,thats all i did all day long. in my opinion if your work place has nothing for you to do, they should send you home with pay...not making you use your hard earned PTO, but just let you go- they would be paying you the same amount to go home and sit as they are paying you to sit there and take up electricity. Its so annoying. Frankly, i cannot handle much more of it. The whole time i am sitting there i am thinking of all the precious one on one time i could be having with sweet Vaughn-elise and its being wasted....for nothing. I wish I was a stay at home mom..or I had a job with an internal day care or something. I miss the sillies out of her when she is not there. Luckily- she has an outstanding sitter who texts and calls etc to check in and let me know how her day is going. I appreciate that so much.

Lately I have been in a slump. Every few months I just get sick of myself and want a change...well that time has hit. I need a make over, I need to go on a seriuos diet/workout regimine, id like to do something with my hair, start tanning again, get a pedicure, something to make me feel something other than fat, lazy, and gross. Ever have those days? Weeks? Months? Although my current weight is a good 15 less than when i got pregnant, my body is way different. I have not been thin for a long time, but i just feel blah and flabby and gross now. I hate that. I desperately need some new clothes for work but everytime i try somethign on it either looks like maternity wear to hide my belly or it looks gross. I hate this!

P.S. I was talking with a great friend who lives in Alaska. She said its rainy and in the 40's there. i am jealous! i am ready for the fall...though i do love these thunderstorms I just wish they would h.appen in the early evening so i could see them! I miss my sweet friend Laura.

Also, funny-embarrassing story. Today I had a physical therapy appointment. I am kind of into these fiber packets taht you put into your water. They taste great and definetly give me alot of fiber...problem is they make me crazy "gassy" and bloated. So- forgetting i had the PT apt, i drank three of them today. And I got the the apt, and he called me back and I laid down. Instantly I knew this was going to be bad as my stomach started to "bubble". The problem is I have to be totally relaxed for him to work on me. He's the sweetest most intuitive man i have ever met and he always says he is "listening to my body." So today, I wanted to talk alot as I did not want him to hear me gurgling. though I am sure he could feel me clenching up every few seconds trying to alleviate the "bubbles". So, I am praying the whole time that God just let me have a few gas free moments (though I am sure God was cracking up) so I couuld get this over with and go home...Normally I am totally relaxed and enjoying his massages and conversation. I really dont remember a thing we talked about today... but he does this therapy move where he puts one hand right on my butt...literally he has me lift my hips and puts his hand right under my butt, then he pushes, yes, pushes on my stomach and pelvis. GREAT. I am really praying hard now. He has to lower his head to do what he does and i can just see myself ripping major gas right next to his face and all over his hand.... Man, i was so tight. He kept telling me to relax. One time I even had to pretend my shoe was falling off so i could have him move and i could sit up and clench and try to internally pop the bubble all within a few split seconds. It was a good relief though. So i l aid back down and he did this move for another 15 minutes! i was miserable and by the time i had to walk out to leave I was scared to stand up or even take a step...i just talked alot in case some gas let go while he was walking me otu- hopefully he wouldnt hear it. Needless to say i was probably more tense when I left that PT apt than when I went in.... Moral of the story- dont drink fiber before someone is going to be "in that region."