Sometimes, Like today....

I feel like I am in a constant work/mommy mindset that I forget that I want to be pretty and feel beautiful. I know all women struggle with this on ocassion. Visualize: waking up far earlier than my body would prefer (not a morning person in the slightest.) staggering to the coffee pot while throwing my hair into a high knot, throwing some breakfast down for Vaughn and heading into my home office, in my pajamas, working my 9-5 and editing on my 15 minute breaks to keep up with the photo business, fixing a lunch thats nothing gourmet and entertaining V over my lunch hour. On occassion I run frantic errands over lunch to try to make it back before my hour is up and then as I run in the house, stumbling over the living room mess, thinking of the 7000 loads of laundry and the dishes piling up and sit at the desk for another 5 hours. I clock out just in time to make dinner, pick up what I can pick up while dinner is cooking, run a load of laundry that will sit in the dryer and get wrinkly for the next two days before I realize I havent taken it out. Evenings are full of photo editing, errands, bath time, etc etc etc. At 10 pm I look at myself in the mirror, hair still in a high knot,  no make up, hot pink exercise shorts and a big baggy sweater and I.hate.what.I.see.

I vaguely remember a time when I got up early enough to do my hair, make up and even (gasp) shower. When breakfast was hot and homemade and I had heals and a cute outfit on and didnt leave the house looking like a complete wreck.  When anyone could stop by (especially the boyfriend) at any given point (swoon) and I'd feel beautiful and prepared and lovely. now, when he calls and says "surprise-Im coming to see you. miss you. be there in ten minutes" I literally go  into frantic mode, throwing all messes into a rubbermaid container to deal with later, vaccuum quickly, jump in the shower, fastest blow dry of my life and throw on some mascara, still to look a hot frantic mess when he knocks at the door.

How. On. Earth.Did. I. Get. Here.

Now when I look at my closet I see clothes that are too small, too  big, frumpy, dont fit my lifestyle, dont fit my style (style? whats that?). I see a woman who has lost herself in the midst of life and who I desperately miss.

Ugh. One step at a time. Out with the old, in with the new. Garage sale season is here. Anything and everything I dont love is hitting the tables.

Starting fresh.