Being away from Vaughn 40 plus hours a week has not gotten any easier. With wedding season upon us I am now not only working full time during the week and spending evenings editing, my weekends are full of weddings and family shoots. I remember now, why 2 years ago, we made the decision for me to just cut it down to one job. My body, heart and mind dont keep up well with this schedule. Sunday, I laid in bed and cried. I had to get up for another shoot and my body hurt so bad from the non-stop-moving for the past month that I just wanted to give up. I know it sounds like I am whiny. I m not . Im just feeling defeated. I come home to a beautiful little face who is so excited to have her mama home, we are back to co sleeping and frankly, I'm fine with it. I like having her next to me since we spend so much time apart. Judge. I dont care. I miss her.

But for some reason when I am not home, I start to get more aggravated when I am home. The unfinished bathroom never bothered me when I was home and now I get so upset every morning trying to work around it. The undecorated walls never bothered me and now I want stuff hung. The "gotta be creative with what food we have" challenge was fun and now I hate it and loathe coming home to an empty fridge with no time to grocery shop. I feel like I stink at this. It makes me restless. It makes me sad. I miss Vaughnie. I so badly wish I had the days off to take her to the beach, the library, the movies, to sidewalk chalk, blow bubbles, play kickball, picnics and outdoor reading time, to take her to the park, the science center or on play dates. :( I need a better routine. I think I will have to completely cut back on photography at this point. Maybe one weekend a month.

I am going on a girls weekend camping trip this year with my girlfriends this weekend. This has been planned for months (long before I was thinking seriously about a job) and I am sooo excited about going. Sad that it will be a long week without V, a weekend away from her, another long week away from her and a weekend that follows full of shoots and a wedding.....but then July is free....I'm hoping to take her camping, take advantage of the free weeekends, hit the farmers market, garage sales and just have some good ole fashioned summer fun.

I thought financially  I would be able to pick up great with a job but its taking me a couple paychecks to get caught up. I'll get there. I'm ready to be able to not worry about all that crap. All the money stuff and just have enough to pay the bills and have a little fun. Keep us in your prayers during this time....neither V nor myself are doing real well with it.