uncomfortable

Lately I have been struggling alot with the fact that we are comfortable. We dont have alot of money to spare, but the bills get paid and there is an entire closet stuffed full of holiday gifts....our fridge is not full, but we have food to eat at every meal, I dont have a brand new car but my car has luxury features and runs great and still...i find reason to complain. I desperately wish I was at a point in my life where I could leave it all and go help others, I find myself, as i have mentioned before just stuck, feeling like i am living in a world where nobody really "gets it" or wants to help others or give up what they have to help someone else. I complain that my house is 70 degrees and I am cold at night and i forget that there are hundreds of thousands if not millions who are homeless, in the freezing (literally) cold weather and have not eaten today, would give anything for a warm blanket or a hot cup of tea. and I complain. Really? I just dont know whats wrong with me. I dont know why I cant shut my mouth sometimes. I am thankful beyond measure for the things i have, the loved ones i have. I was reading somewhere that said that someone in your neighborhood, or town, will try to take their life this season because they are lonely and sad. that breaks my heart. But what can I do? I guess thats where i struggle, what can measly old me DO? how can we heal the hearts of the broken?? As I have been struggling with this while sitting in my cubicle day in day out feeling like i have chosen a job where I am confined to a cube and unable to reach out to those i think about throughout the day. i came home tonight and checked in on a blog I have not read in a few weeks. I have posted links to her blog before but this one really got me. Tore my heart out and served it to me on a platter sort of got to me. PLEASE read it. Its important. Its worth your time. Its what i was feeling and unable to describe. Read Katie's Blog here . I wonder often, had I not been so wrapped up in my own life in college, having a child and living the life I WANTED, would I have ever had the guts to run off and devote my life to helping others? I would like to say yes, thats exactly where I would be. But i guess I dont know. Either way, I am desturbed that I feel as though i dont know how to help.

I decided to give up food day at work for my birhtday and instead have my department bring items that could be used to help a family. We started with one family, one basket and within 2 days, we had enough food to feed 3 families.....and not just for thanksgiving, but for a week....families of 6 for a week. I was SHOCKED. I think people want to help- they just dont know how and when given the venue, they jump. One of the families called in the other day and let us know how blessed she felt to recieve that and how it changed their holiday and they could celebrate (when origionally they thought they couldnt. ) and they had food and didnt have to worry and they even invited some friends over. It made my day! I was so glad we decided to do that.

I have no problems with exchanging gifts on Christmas. Its fun. Its tradition. What I DO Have a problem with is that I cannot stop thinking of all the thousands of kids who will wake up christmas morning and expecting Santa to have come and find here is not one present for them. Whatever reason, parents too poor, parents not around, no one cares, etc....and i cant sleep at night becuase of that. I want to so badly show those children that they are loved and i want to make their holidays special. how do you reach those children? How do you know who those children are? it eats at me. Not just about Christmas but that there are kids who are cold, or who's parents dont come home at night, or are drunk or just in general, dont know what it feels like to be cherished.

I could go on for days, but its just something i am struggling with. I wish I could adopt all of those children, elderly, unloved persons out there and just shwoer them with love. Mine and Gods.
breaks my heart.