random babbles

Funny V.e. story...

Last night, I gave her the ever longed after treat of an oreo. she left it on the floor and i thought she was done so i move it. She started looking around the living room and looking very worried and then i hear her sweet little voice calling out my mantra "Chocket....choecket....where go chocket? What doin chocket? Chooooocket?" She was looking everywhere for that little hunk of chocolate. too sweet. i let her look for a while while my heart melted and then gave her back her chocket.

My migraines continue. i know people are sick of hearing about them but i am more sick of getting them. I dont know that i have ever had a headache that did not turn into a migraine in the past 7 ish months. It worries me. I am going to see a neurologist in September but until then, im pretty much hurting. I got a prescription for a super strong migraine medicine and she said most people it will last several months. HA. There are only 9 pills, i have had the prescription just at a week and am half way done with the package. Gr. i dont like taking them becuase its like a heavy pain killer and within about 15 minutes I am passed out and my body is all loopy etc.

My Sisters Keeper....what a sad sad movie. Man! i saw it with my sister and maria and that was such a mistake. what a mess we were. As many people know, i do not remember being sick. It is a part of my life that my mind has somehow gotten rid of. I just dont remember. I hate that. I want to remember details...it is my life afterall. Even watching this movie it wasnt quite real to me that I was her, I had cancer, i was that sick....it doesnt feel like it ever happened to me. I am very non empathetic when people get cancer. I think thats why...becuase i dont remember how bad it was....but i hate that. I wish and have wished for years that everyone I know...from my parents and siblings to the doctors, aunts, uncles, grandparents would all write in great details their experience. I feel like maybe then I would start to remember, or at least have a false memory of it. my grandma sometimes tell me a story here and there and everytime I cry becuase people went through pain because of me and i cannot even remember it. While I feel its probably a big part of who i am and why i am the way I am, I equally feel like it has nothing to do with me...as if it wasnt me. I would love to have a collection of the stories that were part of me. I want them to be raw, real, honest not protecting me, not sugar coating or making worse than was....just how it was.

I am exhausted. I fell asleep at 6:30 with Vaughn becuase aparently were both exhusted.....its taken me 3 hours to write this blog becuase i keep falling asleep and waking up...so i am giving in, going to bed for good.

night all