Hearts, Pink, Love and Mushy Stuff

Another one bites the dust. I have a love/hate relationship with Valentines Day. I think, for children, its a sweet day full of opportunity to talk about love and show them how its nice to SHOW others how you feel. Its fun for crafts, pink food and holiday parties at school. V was very into Valentines Day this year and 3 weeks ago wanted to make a Vday box to keep on the stand in between our rooms so we could exchange love letters everyday. It was fun. All of mine had her name and my name and girl with a bow in her hair drawn on it. It was cute. She's a sweetie.

As for adults go, I think the holiday is totally CHEESY. I mean, I think its fun to celebrate wtih someone but its also sort of a lame day. I dont want to be show that you care on the same day that every.other.person in the world/america (not sure who all celebrates) is being shown. I think as adults we should be capable of finding unique and fun ways to show people we care all year. I know its idealistic to say- but really....Ok, off my soap box now.

We did have a fun day. As a child I have SO ANY fond memories of Valentines day. I have said it a million times but my mom was excellent about making holidays fun and memorable for us. It was always a special day! We woke up every year to a valentines day fairy treat (usually our favorite- cherry jub jells and a small stuffed animal, coloring book or some other fun goodie and chocolate.) It was sweet. I have followed the tradition with V but she knows its just me....The Valentines Day fairy brought balloons while she was at preschool and a small paddle/ball toy. She thought she hit the jackpot with that Dollar Tree toy until it broke about 10 paddles in. And honestly dont know what I was thinking with the balloons. If you EVER need balloons hit up your dollar tree. They are all $1 for huge mylar balloons...forget the $10 from other stores! I loathe balloons. They are noisy, in the way and as soon as they start to deflate I really cant stand them. She carried them around everywhere with her yesterday. Everywhere. Including the bathroom, put them at the bottom of her bed during nap, at dinner holding onto them. Cute. Alot of my memories also revolve around Sunday School for some reason (I have very few memories of school parties- but a couple) Singing I have the Joy Joy Joy Joy Down in My Heart, squatting down with each "down" and screaming the word "where?" While holding onto a box of candy hearts (Idk but this is one of my most vivid memories) while standing next to Johnny Swarthout, his mom leading music time and my sister standing in back with her "too cool to sing this song puppetteers." Ha, I love that memory.

ready to hit the oven! I forgot an after shot so
imagine the buttery goodness a golden shade of brown;)

We colored and read valentines day books and gave lots of hugs and kisses and then started in on Homemade Chicken Pot Pie.  Because following a recipe would nearly kill me, I of course changed it up by adding honey when cooking the chicken, used almond milk and chicken broth for the sauce (was a little thin, should have added more flour), seasoned with thyme, ground mustard, fresh garlic, a bay leaf and a pinch of nutmeg, salt and pepper.) I nearly doubled the chicken and used cressent rolls instead of phyllo dough because we all know our tiny little grocery store doesnt carry phyllo dough. They were yummy! I still have some perfecting to do but they were pretty tasty.

Hope everyone had a fantastic Valentine's Day.
What's your favorite memory? Do you celebrate/
get into the day? One of my favorite parts is that now its on to St Patricks Day which is really
MY Holiday!  Time to get our green on and start speaking like an Irishmen.

Hearts, Pink, Love and Mushy Stuff

TGIF

My Many faces this week. Cleaning lady, working gal, mad mama (bottom right)

This was at goodwill for $5. It has turned into an incredible rewards system for V. Thus far, she is in love with this and playing it together has helped her listen. Best $5 spent ever. Seemed like a silly purchase as I wasnt sure it would work but glad I got it. Its small...fits ontop of the coffee table. Perfect size for her.

The day of the snow storm V went out on the porch to play in the snow. She thought this was the most amazing thing ever- her snowball. cute.

Our street after the snow fall. It was GORGEOUS. And I hate snow. But this was a pretty one.

She loves to play this game with Charlie brown where we act out a "wedding" And everytime, Charlie says "no" to the question "Do you take my mom to be your bride." and the I have to over react and stomp off and act upset and she whispers to him how thats not nice. I somehow feel its like therapy for her. And then we laugh and do it over and over again "hoping" each time he will say yes. She's funny. I hate this game. But she loves it. No one wants to be told "no" to that question---even if it is just Charlie Stinkin Brown.

Vaughnie taking her turn at pool ...she is suprisignly a champ. She did great. better than me. Embarrassing.

Emeril Lagase's Bagels. Why not?

I should start by saying I am leary. I am not a big bread fan at.all. Other than my mothers homemade rolls and Texas Road House bits of yummy goodness, I could pass on bread. I never order sandwhiches when out and if I eat sandwhiches I always end up throwing the bread away. Its just not my thing. Panera bagels however, Oh.My.Glory to God in the highest. I eat the heck outta those babies. So, I decided to try to make some. Baking, for me, is like therapy. The process soothes me and often- the longer the process the better.....depending on my stress level- Cooking, I'd prefer to be short and sweet but baking, I just adore. So....Bagels. I dont know why, I saw a picture of one on pinterest and decided it was the only way to spend my Thursday afternoon. I have failed miserably at bread making in the past, I'm just no good at the rising thing. But these babies rose beautifully.

Here is the link to the recipe:: http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/emeril-lagasse/homemade-bagels-recipe/index.html  and I tweaked by using half bread flour half APF.

I did half in sesame and half with cinn/brown sugar (leaving the coating off of half in fear that it would burn). and I gave them an egg bath before adding the goodness to the top. Plain ones also got a bath of egg mixed with a spoonfull of sweetened condensed milk just for a little sweetness. I dont think the recipe says it but I also put sugar in the water bath as most bagel recipes I found recommend this, and who am I to disagree...I'm a newbie.

I can smell them now cooking away and oh man alive. I want to dive in NOW.

Cinnimon Sugar "panera style"...YUM

Plain and Sesame. My favs.

I forgot to take a picture of the boiling process so here is the oven process

rising- look at those beauts. Could almost eat them raw. Ew. No I couldnt. But they are fun to look at!

Tried High Protien Bread Flour and seemed to work great. The bagels are chewy and delicious . From now on, I will be using this along with fast rising yeast to make all my pastries and breads (I am impatient.)

Parenting is hard stuff

Writing here, just becuase if I dont get it all out I am going to pop....much like a 2 liter, shaken too many times- my lid will come off and I will spray all around me within a 10 mile radius. Today has been, for the record, the longest day in the past 4 years. Probably. It seems like it anyways. We have encountered ridiculous meltdown after ridiculous meltdown ranging in spans from 1 minute to almost 2 hours. I am emotionally, physically, spiritually and wilfully drained. I have slid my body down the wall into a puddle on the floor, hands on head and cried uncountable times today, I have fought, begged, pleaded, prayed, counted to 10, counted to 50, removed myself from the room, removed her from the situation, redirected, loved on, punished, taken things away, swore to take other things away, offered bribery...nothing.has.worked. I have been reminded by a few close friends in the breakdown phone calls of "something- give me any suggestion you have" that I am the mother of a very willful, very emotional and very smart 4 year old girl. I am not failing as a mother, she is succeeding as a 4 year old child. And just to breathe. Breathe? I think i held my breathe allll day long. or so it feels like it now. And the truth is that today- I simply didnt feel like a good mother. I know my child, I know how she pushes me and today, no matter what i tried there was nothign that could get her out of her funk. Or me. We got out of the house at one point and she did fine. Not an outburst at all. The moment we walked in the door (pulled in the driveway actually) she started making up more reasons why she was angry at the world (aka, me) from the fact that her pants itched, her shoe was too tight, the sun was too bright, the snow was too white, the banana was not brown enough, the food was not what she wanted, the asaparagus tasted different, the pasta was not hot enough, the corn was too wet, the fruit was too sour, the sheets were too warm, the book was boring, the carpet felt funny, the couch was not comfortable, and the list could go on and on and on and on. These were not mere observations....they were complete long meltdowns. Every.Single.One. My dad came tonight to hang some curtains in our living room (good thing, the neighbors probably wonder what the heck moved in across the street from them.) and he listened to a 20 minute battle (short in comparison to the rest of the day) and saw my exhuastion and offered to step in. Bless him. It was no success and as soon as he walked out the door it started again. its 10:47 at night and she is still nto asleep. I have listened to her scream that she doesnt love me anymore and wants to be with her dad (Dont get me started on what I WANTED to say here, of course I said nothing)   listened to her throw thigns against the wall for 40 minutes, pull everything out of her closet, off her shelves and out of her toyboxes and scream at the top of her lungs since 8 pm. I am doing all I can to stay awake longer than her. I went to the basement to try to give my ears a rest and while I was down there I had a revelation. I am sure I sound much like that to God most days. Whining, unhappy, nothing is right, everything is bothersome, the plans he has are not the plans I want, I want more, better, different all the time. Nothing is enough. I am sure I sound annoying, relentless and whiny in my prayers. I am sure at times he wants to duct tape my mouth shut and scream at me to shut my mouth for 2 minutes, I am sure there are times he wants to lock me in my room until his plan is in effect. I am sure at times, I sound much like a whiny 4 year old on little sleep. And when I got back upstairs Vaughnie was singing Worship music at the top of her lungs. A complete 180 from her screaming and throwing. And then I busted into tears becuase in the midst of the maddness and chaos, HIS LOVE for us is louder than the maddness and chaos. His voice can come through a 4 year olds tired mouth and the joy in which she sings.

Praying hard for a restful night for the weary (me) and a peace in the morning.  Cause without a little rest and a little peace, folks, Imma fall apart.

My little artist.

the other day Vaughnie walked in and handed me this drawing. In shock, I asked what it was. She said "its a giraffe mom, duh."    Duh. It's a giraffe. Clearly.

Well I've been lacking in my blogging---new years resolution-kaput.

Today I had an interview. The ONLY reason I took this interview is becuase I need it even though I loathe the idea of another job- I am doing EXACTLY what I love and want to do- I'm just not getting paid enough to be able to OnlY do that. SPring-Fall is amazing, busy, wonderful, fine. Winter? You suck winter. No one wants their photos taken when its cold and gross looking outside. I feast in the summer and I famine in the winter. So, I'm working on it.

Let me say.....WORST most commical interview I have EVER Had. I laughed several times DURING the interview at the ridiculousness of it. First, I was given a list of 200 words and asked to mark ALL that have been used to EVER describe me by ANYONE in ANY situation in my ENTIRE life. Really? I marked every single one. let me further explain by saying these direction of these words ranged anywhere from "hot" to "fussy" and "audacious" "lackluster" and "non conformist." Seriously?
Then I was handed another paper, same words, and asked to mark the ones I thought actually were me. I checked about half. Stupid. Stupid. Who cares if I have ever been called "hot". I mean, look at me! I'm gorg. :)

Then, every following question from the interviewer in a hooded sweatshirt who rallied her liking for the vikings before even introducing herself, was a "on a scale of 1-10" question. I HATE those questions. BE more specific. Example She asked me "on a scale of 1-10 how creative are you." First, your interviewing for a desk job of keying in numbers.....does this job require even an ounce of creativity? Who the heck cares? And, are we talking about from a dog to Picaso or are you comparing me to my peers or what? I mean, thats not even a worthy question. For the record I gave myself a 7. 

The real kicker question for me was "How accurate would you say you are?" I stared at her blankly and then asked for more direction. "You mean, like, with typing, or keying or filing or what?" and she said......wait for it....."In life." I gave her a thoughful answer of "93% accurate." ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!?!?!?

After this painful experience she proceded to tell me "we are not even sure if we are going to hire or not, we've had 5 interviews and everyone 'seems nice' but we're not sure if we can do the job without hiring someone else or if we decide to hire whether it will be next week or in April or later than that."
I'm sorry....do you want me to invoice you for my gas money for the trip in here this morning cause I thought you INTERVIEWED PEOPLE BECAUSE YOU WERE LOOKING TO HIRE?!?!?!?! I cant believe I even got out of bed for this woman.

On top of the job situation I need prayers for a messy messy, unfair, issue I am having with my ex husband. I know I will triumph in this area because I have the only legal right to the issue but its going to be messy. I just need prayers for patience and direction cause frankly, I'd prefer to hit him with a baseball bat, slash his tires or burn his house down than speak another kind word to him for as long as we both shall live.