labor day

Hot, muggy, uncomfortable. I woke this morning, restless, miserable. Intending to sleep-in failed miserably and sleeping seems to be an exhuasting unattainable task these days. I dont know exactly how much i slept or how little, just that everytime i had to roll over, i woke up, had to rearrange the pillows- too hot, too cold- not propped up enough, thirsty. I feel like a toddler having to take water to bed, getting up to pee. Its quite annoying. Mom and I went into town today, got some more things for the baby, shopped around some. It was a blast and Im blessed to have her to help me do these things. I wish i could afford to take her out and do things like that sometimes. Someday- I will- I am sure of that, though it doesnt always feel that way.

FALL!

I am beyond ready for fall. A leaf fell onto my windshield the other day while i was driving under a tree. You would think i had never seen a leaf fall the way i got so excited. Fall! i screamed... Unfortunatly a few more days or weeks of heat before relief will be here! This fall will bring many changes aside from the colors of leaves and temperatures of air an the spirits of people....i am overwhelmed by these changes, unsure of how i will manage. I have never done well with change.

Saturday should cool down just in time for our trip to the Living History Farms Apple Festival. It will, at least, get me in more of a fall mindset. I am ready for soups and blankets, sweatshirts and stocking hats. I am ready to be freed by the winds and warmed by the bonfires that light up the area. While hay rides and haunted houses will be out this year- the thought of them makes me smile. Rudy always says...there is no putting you in a bad mood when its fall outside. He is wise to know this:) Give me a cinnimon candle and open windows and my spirit sings songs of joy.

It will be a hard time of year without my grandpa wayne. I missed the Illinois Color Drive fall festivals last year as i was away in NC. But this year, his joyful spirit will be greatly missed. He was the heart of the festivals and so proud to have all his family gathered around. We were introduced to half the town by the end of the night. His hayrides and weeny roast are the excitement we look forward to all year- it will be hard. There is a fine line between which traditions to keep going in his memory and which ones would be easier to let pass as his absense is too loud and painful.

Traditions, what our family lives for, what makes us who we are.

Quotes on Change

"Life is a process of becoming, a combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death."- Anais Nin

"To exist is to change, to change is to mature, to mature is to go on creating oneself endlessly."- Henri Bergson

"It's not so much that we're afraid of change or so in love with the old ways, but it's that place in between that we fear . . . . It's like being between trapezes. It's Linus when his blanket is in the dryer. There's nothing to hold on to."- Marilyn Ferguson

"For nothing is fixed, forever and forever and forever, it is not fixed; the earth is always shifting, the light is always changing, the sea does not cease to grind down rock. Generations do not cease to be born, and we are responsible to them because we are the only witnesses they have. The sea rises, the light fails, lovers cling to each other, and children cling to us. The moment we cease to hold each other, the sea engulfs us and the light goes out."- James Baldwin