Somedays...life is hard

Doesnt that about sum it all up?  Right there. Somedays....life is just plain stinking too hard. Whether its finding the $ to pay an overdue bill, deciding what to have for dinner or, as in my case tonight watching your child melt to the floor after sitting by the doorway for over an hour waiting for her daddy to come pick her up...only to discover he's not coming....again. The pain of that moment is scarred into me for a lifetime. The pain of the questions about "why did he say that if he didn't mean it?" or "why doesn't he want to see me anymore?" (its been more than 2 weeks with several of these moments. No one deserves that pain, let alone a child.  Disappointment has to be one of the worst pains we all feel. So many times our disappointments are small and daily and they add up into something subconsciously disappointing in the long run...but some...some are just too big and too painful to not immediately leave a scar. My failed marriage, the disappointment of my husband chosing another woman over me repeatedly, the lonliness of endless nights in bed alone the lonliness of not having someone to just call or spend time with and  never knowing if there will be an end to that or not, but the look on my daughters face, the tears down her cheek and the cry unlike her others was a disappointment felt so deep in my heart that it trumps all other disappointment I have ever seen or felt. Her precious, loving, trusting heart was broken tonight- truly  broken for the first time. That is a pain a mom never forgets. There she sat as the clock ticked away, in her sweet little shoes, holding her bag of stuff she wanted to take and her blanket, all ready. I kept saying "common now, lets read a book...." or "lets watch a show" or "help mommy fold clothes"....but she wanted to wait for her daddy....she was so excited. Before she went to bed tonight she went over to the bag of things she had prepared to take (her dolly, her elly, her lamby, and a picture she drew for him, of him) and she took the drawing out and tore it into pieces and then walked into bed with tears in her eyes. How does one's heart hold so much pain? How does it not seep from our pores? How do we survive the pains of the day- let alone lifetimes of resentment, regret, heartache, feelings of not good enough-never enough-too insecure-too fat-not pretty enough-not worthy enough-not enough to come pick me ups? How? when the pain is so bad you want to throw up, how do you pick up life and pack it away and put it on a shelf and learn how to swallow again?