Disclaimer (not that I should have to on my own blog.:)) I am speaking my heart, rambling through some lost thoughts and putting things down in effort to sort them out. I don't feel this is an offensive post but some may- bare with me while I talk it out).
I am in the middle of reading 2 incredibly challenging, insightful, mind boggling books. Crazy Love by Francis Chan and The Gospel According to Jesus Christ. I have been working my way through Crazy Love for a long time now- its a lot to take in. A Very POWERFUL read and exactly where my heart has been at struggle for YEARS. The Gospel According to Jesus Christ is a new read, and along the same lines- that the modern day church is completely and udderly missing the entire point of Christianity. Living within a comfortable confines of the lukewarm Christian lifestyle, fussing over the size and comfort level of the church instead of the hurting, needing, Jesus missing and lost people around them. I struggle in writing this because I have struggled for YEARS. I have always felt that something was missing...I have always felt like by calling myself a Christian, it meant I was supposed to be good, pretty, tithe and go to church. That if I made my parents & the church look good by not swearing, not drinking, having an appropriate relationship etc etc etc that "people" see you as a Christian. When in my heart, I know that this concept, these people who want you to look good are the exact reason why people hate Christianity. Because if we really LOVE this JESUS that we say we do- we're not living like it, loving like it, standing like it or BEING it at all. Loving Jesus doesn't mean having a big comfy church with nice chairs and looking pretty on Sunday and singing loudly and giving your 10% and being "good". It means that its sometimes dirty, that your sometimes radical, that you give everything.you.have and that blessing the lives of others is more important than where you attend, how often you attend or how big your church is.
Both books spend time on the lukewarm-that God spits us out and doesn't want a lukewarm anything. He wants hot or cold. He wants us to love on the filthy, the crazy, the messed up, the pained, the broke, the sad, the druggies, the prostitutes, the misfits, the imprisoned, the brokenhearted, EVERYONE to share his love.
I understand that "not everyone's heart is the same" and not everyone has a mission minded heart. But then are we really who we say we are? If this is what God COMMANDS of us, then does it matter if we're comfortable with it? Do you think he really CARES if our heart is a mission minded heart? If it's a Jesus Minded heart then it does these things. Right? I have struggled, openly, about the fact that my heart is very mission minded. I would rather be serving- in the slums, in this country or others, doing the dirty work than being in a service any day. That is my heart. And I know that not everyone feels that way. And I do feel that often I struggle to "find the opportunity to do these things" and thats a lame lame excuse. The truth is that there is pain, suffering, hurting, nasty lives, people missing the point, craving love, craving Jesus all.over.the.place. I say "well I have Vaughn so I cant just go do stuff." That's crap. She has the same sort of heart as I do. She hurts for the hurting, prays for the tornado victims with an outpouring of passion, wants to give her things to those without- she's a passionate loving child and I WANT and FEEL RIGHT to raise her to be selfless....why not take her along? Let her start young at really being the hands and feet of Jesus.
I am praying my way through these books- that I am convicted to the core and that I don't allow modern day lukewarm Christianity to take hold of my heart, that I don't fall into the "way I should look" to others and that I can teach my child (and myself) that maybe being radical is the only way to be. Dropping ALL judgement, Loving ALL People worshiping my God with my whole heart and not "for" anyone else. Does that make sense?
My sweet friend Molly and I have been having coffee dates almost weekly for over 4 years. Sometimes we miss a month here and there but always pick back up. We've seen each other through a lot of crap. WE have had a lot of hard talks and this one in particular keeps coming up. So nice to have a like minded friend that we can talk it out about this stuff.
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