This life is always beautiful: 1st Day of Preschool!!

Today was the first day of preschool for Vaughn. Wow. I have been thinking about THIS day since I was pregnant with her. When Vaughnie was born I had this hovering feeling that I was never going to get to see her grow up. Morbid I know, but I just had this deep lingering feeling that something was going to happen to me and I would never see these moments. I have thought about THESE Moments ALOT throughout the course of her growing up. She'll be 4 in a month and started PRESCHOOL today. Where is the time going?!?!? Last night, in the shower she cried. She was just nervous and she'd cry and then laugh a bit ( I think she felt silly) and then she'd cry....it was sad....and a long shower while we just stood and chatted. Today, she got up bright and EARLY and hugged me for (not exaggerating) probably at least 10 minutes. She had a nervous look on her face and kept saying "Do you think all those other kiddos are going to be hugging their moms and telling them how much they are going to miss them just like I am?" and I said "probably....but its okay to miss me because I am going to miss you too...but I will be there in just a couple hours to come get you before lunch." She was okay with that. My friend wanted to take V out to celebrate at the Machine Shed tonight (her favorite place to eat) because him and I were both pretty sure that daddy would have no part in today's events. He said we could go celebrate her first day and she thought that was pretty special, so that made her excited too. I dropped her off and she did GREAT! No crying. They did tell her she could not have her blanket though, and this upset her. She choked down the tears, pulled blanket out of her bag, stuck it in her ear one last time (thats what she does with it to comfort herself) and hung the bag back on the wall. Big Girl!! However, that very moment, when they said no blanket in the classroom....It hit me WAY harder than I expected. I barely made it to my car before I broke down. I just wanted to say to them "she has had that blanket every moment since birth-and if it makes today easier (for mom) then she can have that blanket with her every second if she wants." but...I just smiled and let her be big.....until I got to the car. I bawled my eyes out the entire way home. I called my mom and just cried. I called my sister (her lil man is in Vaughn's preschool class) to see how she was holding up and to see if she had checked on V when she dropped off Dre. V was fine. Amanda was fine. I was a mess. Ugh. I am still crying about it tonight. I am feeling blessed that I am here to see her in these moments and that the dreaded feelings of not being around for this stuff have proven untrue....but I am so sad that our time is slipping too quickly. She is GROWING UP! And even more than the blanket incident, my heart broke into millions of pieces today that her dad was no part of todays events. He did not call last night, this morning or tonight to check in and see how her day was. I texted him at one point to let him know I had dropped her off and he asked how she did. That was it. He never called to check on her day or talk to her. I want to know what she thinks of it all...does it break her heart as much as it breaks mine or is this so normal for her that she doesn't even think about him during these big events?? It literally crushes my heart. I imagined us taking her together, crying together, missing her together. Not this. He missed her running and jumping into my arms as she came out the preschool door and hollering loudly "OH MAMA, I MISSED YOU!!!" He misses it all.....but does he miss it? I have said a million times how THANKFUL I am for all the men in her life who show her love and excitement and who DO call and check on her and who DO want to take her out to celebrate. These men are cherished.

I asked V how it went after I picked her up and she said (sounding VERY surprised) "Nobody HIT ME!" funny girl, she must have been worried about this more than I knew.

These are out of order....but enjoy!