This weekend (as you will see from previous post) started off difficult. Sunday was ok but V was with my parents most of the day and was really very well behaved when she got home up until last night when she took nearly 2 hours to fall asleep and screamed the whole 2 hours.
Today, today is worse than Saturday. I dont know if my A game is simply not on in the parenting department and I am unable to figure out whats wrong or how to fix it or if she's just that "off" from her normal self that even she doesnt know whats wrong. I am 100% positive that its due to the changes in our household dynamic and for that, my heart breaks. I try to offer love and condolence and then 2 minutes later she's at it again. My patience right now is wearing thin. Today I had a meeting with my teacher for some extra help and then promised we could play at the mall play area ONLY if she was good. She.was.not.good. The entire time we were in the teachers office she threw a fit, cried, kicked things, tried running away, threw tantrums, spit food....she was that "brat" that you see in the stores and say "can someone control that child??" But I cant. I cant calm her when she gets that way. We walked around grays lake and looked at the boats etc there and she was ok so I thought we'd try the mall. She was fine on the walk in and before we made it to the play area had several MONSTER tantrums... I dont get it. I dont know what sets her off. So on the way home I stopped at the bank and she would.not.leave. She hurled herself on the floor, kicked, hit me, SCREAMED at the top of her lungs...you get the picture. I had to carry her to the car kicking and screaming. Now, I have tried to put her down for a nap and again its been nearly an hour and she's freaking out. The thing is...I know she's tired. She isnt sleeping well at night- up several times with "bad dreams" and she's going to bed around 11 because she just wont fall asleep. It makes for long long long days. It makes me want to go back to work. I never thought I'd say that..but it makes me feel like someone else has to be able to do this better than I am. Because she's not sleeping, Im not sleeping. even after she goes to bed at 11 I have things to do, emails to return, hours of homework and editing to do and then she's up several times in the night (has been coming into my bed again which is no bueno for any of us.) and then is up at 6:30 ish. If you know me, you know I require at least 8 hours sleep...less than that, I am a bear. This 4 hour crap is NOT Cutting it.
On a different, but related note I have to say that I am SO blessed by all the help from my family and friends during the transition. I couldnt do it without them and I am so thankful that God has put such amazing stand up men in our lives so that Vaughn still feels she gets affection and love and time with men who WANT to spend time with her and who love on her and let her know she's special. Whether they are male friends, my dad, my brother- she loves it. I was worried about the long term affects of everything going on- and I still am, but it really does make me cry when I think of all the people who have helped clean up a mess caused by someone else. We are blessed.
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