I dont know what happened, or why the change in emotion but as of yesterday, I am okay. I am fine.....feels weird. I am sure I will break down again and have a melt down, I am sure I will still be hurt, sad, devestated even many times....but I realized that I WILL be fine. That THIS is my second chance...I keep saying "I am a believe and giver of 2nd chances and do overs." But I was offering uncountable second chances to someone who didnt want or deserve them....but it hit me that maybe someone is offering ME a second chance. Maybe this is supposed to be MY do over. MY chance for really feeling happy, empowered, selfish, excited, giddy...ME. That got me. When's the last time I felt EXCITED??!?!??!!! And maybe this is Rudy and I's chance to finally be on the same page....while we're not there yet....while what happened is still very traumatic and crappy....maybe THIS is the answer to the prayers I prayed for 8 years....
Its scary to think like that. Terrifying....but its also reassuring and helpful. I may not feel so "ok" in a couple hours but right now, I am feeling good and decided to tell the world! :) (or the 5 people who read this:)
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