almost there...

its almost friday- Thank the great lord almighty for that. I am ready for a weekend home with my baby girl!! I am definetly feeling the laze of the end of the week. We are having friends over for the super bowl so I am trying to clean and get prepared for that. VAughn is getting herself into a night time routine (meaning we have never tried to do this- t hought about it, but never put it into action:) She is heading to bed around 7 and then waking up around 11 for a feeding. For her, this is good- for me, sad. I dont get enough time with her in a day. By the time i get her from daycare and we get home and settled in, we only have a few hours before she is out....I am so looking forward to summer when we can go for evening walks and go to the park and spend time outside. I am ready to get out of this apt. I am going stir crazy. I hate not having direct access to the outside. (although in this weather, who would want to, right?) I just feel trapped in here and cluttered and uneasy. I am ready to move out of the apt living lifestyle. Im ready for a change of some sort- good, please!

On a great note, i am having the most fun planning amanda's baby shower. For those of you who i havent spoken to yet, you are all invited and i will be getting out official invites soon hopefully. It is sunday the 17th at 1 pm... I am super excited. I know i cant do as amazing job as she did for me, but im trying darnnit!!

On a final note...what ever happened to global warming?

You asked, you got it...

Ms. Vaughn trying to climb over rudy in bed. Luckily, she didnt get far. :)

Little Budda baby:) in the bath.

Cool kid on the block with a very very very proud mama.

She just loves her exhersaucer (spelling???) She can spin around and get dizzy and she thinks its just fabulous:)

Well there you go, you asked for more pics, you got a ton! Enjoy!!

On a different note... is it friday yet?? This weather makes every day feel a thousand hours long!! The new job is going very well. Training is long and because we are a new addition to the company, they really have not gotten very organized about training- as they are still learning it all too. We spend alot of time on "breaks" while the trainers meet to figure out what to do next and its really starting to frustrate all of us. There are 5 of us training and our boss (who is also sort of training.) It is a really fun group of trainers (for the most part) and this week the group has really "opened up" and gotten out of the "shy slump" that all new people have. I think its going to be an awesome group of us and we all get along great and click very very well together. Except one girl..she's kinda annoying!

Its trully saddening every single day when i leave vaughn at home. Its the hardest thing to do to hand her off (even to rudy) and turn and walk out the door, even though i know i will see her later in the afternoon and i still cry daily on my way to work, but its getting a little bit easier. She is getting into such a great routine at Barb's and is taking really great naps there and is even learning to put herself to sleep. The mom in me thinks i will still rock her to sleep while she is home for as long as she will let me, but its nice to know that if needed (like last night when i just couldnt keep my eyes open any longer after her 4 am feeding) that i can lay her down and within a few mins she will be out. I knwo often, she likes to just lay down and stretch out - so its nice she's learning to relax enough to go to sleep. Everyday , i just cant drive fast enough to get to Barb's and get her, i watch the clock from about noon on, counting down til I can get out of there and go get her! She is changing so much and i just miss watching all the things she does.

She is in my sling right now, sleeping soundly on my chest and it makes my heart swell to feel her resting so warmly against my skin. She is such a blessing to me and i dont take that for granted. Daily, i thank God probably a hundred times for giving her to me. Everytime she smiles, makes a funny face, cries, looks peaceful, it just fills me with the greatest joy. I knew I would find happiness in her, but its beyond that. I feel so complete and satisfied with her in my world.

looking up...

Today was a day finally feeling better. Vaughn is still not up to her normal self, but much much much better. And I am feeling back to normal (althoug this weather is making me sick to my stomach, right? give me a break!!)

HURRY SPRING.

Definetly a monday...

Today has undoubtedly been a monday. Stereotypical, crappy monday. We are all home sick. After thowing up all night long and up with the fever sweats and chills, we (rudy and i ) decided to stay home with vaughn and let all three of us recover. VE and I are feeling much better, she is overly sleepy and i am still feeling the achy muscles etc, but overall- I feel tons better than last night. Rudy got it after we did so he's still struggilng. I have aj ewelry party tonight and back to work tomorrow. I hate monday's!!

My turn...

Okay, i really dont know whats up around our house. I have spent all night throwing up and in the bathroom. I have horrible stomach pains and i think I have a fever. If i dont feel better by morning, I will be staying home :( I dont want ve to spread anything around her daycare and i dont want to go sit at work if i am puking etc. Good Golly, I am ready for spring so we can open the windows and get these germs out of the apt!!!
Hopefully its just a small bug.

what a scare!

What started out as a normal day- soon turned to quite the scary night. We had gone to my parents house for lunch and all was well. We had a good time and although vaughn was acting a little more tired than normal- she was in good spirits. We got home and took a nap. VE took an unusually long nap for herself, but woke up smiling and cheery.
As we were all sitting in bed, hanging out- vaughn quickly went downhill fast.
she started throwing up violently, covering half of the bed and myself. she was gagging and choking and couldnt get air. I stepped out o the room once she was ok to get her new clothes and a towel and it happened again. nearly twenty times in the next three hours. After a while, it was just snot and flem, then just bile. She has had a really stuffy nose and I figured, at first, that she was just gagging on the snot since she had been laying flat for so long. We tried giving her very very watered down bottle but as she was swallowing it- it was coming right back up.
She started acting really sleepy and soon was unresponsive. She wouldnt wake up, she would be gagging and choking and pass out in my hand or the towel that was full of snot and throw up. I called my mom to make sure that i wasnt overreacting and that i shold in fact take her in- i wasnt sure if this is normal when kids are very stuffed up. ( deep down, i knew it wasnt normal-i was just too scared to think something was really wrong with her. ) So, I called mercy nurse to see if i should give her some pedialite and to see where the walk in clinics are. She sugested just going straight to the ER. We left immidiately and on the way there, vaughn really faded. She wouldnt respond to me at all and was like a limp rag. She wouldnt open her eyes and had no muscle tone at all. I called 911 to see if they could tell the ER that we were on our way and to be ready for us and they told us to pull over asap and that an ambulance wuold be there. I was terrified. I hurt for her and just wanted to make her respond to me.... we were all a mess. We pulled over in the caseys lot and the ambulance was right there. Vaughn and i rode in the ambulance all the way to mercy and rudy met us there. In the ambulance, she started coming around and even was smiling- although still not her normal self. After many tests in the ER, they decided she just must have bad acid reflux and gave us a list of suggestions. Her white cells are elevated, but he said that can sometimes just happen due to stress on the body or it can be an infection (which he didnt think to be the case as she had no fever.) It was the scariest night of my life. I was so glad to finally see her looking at me and smiling and being herself agian. it was trully the scariest moment i have ever had in my entire life. She still seems sort of out of it today- but far far better than she was. As a mother, i cant imagine ever having something serious happen to my child, but last night, was a glimpse far too close for me. Inside I felt like a complete wreck, but on the outside, you just keep it together- I dont know how- you just do.

Please say some prayers for vaughn and that the doctor was correct, that this is only acid reflux and she will grow out of it. (whats up with the kinney babies having acid reflux? Ive never heard of such a thing.)

Day two...

and still a challenge. I started my new job yesterday. it was very much as hard as i anticipated...if not more so. I cried the whole way to work. i then pulled my self together, just long enough to walk in the room and have the first person ask me "hows that new baby of yours..." then i lost it. I cried the first 15 min. of training, but luckily- alot of them have kids and totally understood. They just passed around kleanex's. we got off early so i was so thrilled to see my sweet angel. I had anticipated coming home over lunch to see her, but they ordered in (as rudy had warned me they might.) so they day drug on... but i was glad she got to go to barbs and play for a bit. Today was just as hard. I cried when i left the house, i cried when i dropped her off at barbs at noon over my lunch and i cried the whole way back to work. its crazy how you can miss someone so tiny and feel such an absense when they arent there. it will take alot of getting used to. thats for sure. i think about her the whole time i am there. counting down the minutes til i get to go pick her up. I hope she doesnt forget me during the day, while im gone. thats my biggest fear. i am crying now just thinking about it.!! Gosh, im a dork and far more emotional now that i was after i had her....grrr...

the job itself is going well. its very interesting and i am learning alot- very quickly. i cant wait to get moved into my office in a couple weeks and be able to put up pictures of my girl.

i hate this weather, i really really really do. i am beyond ready for spring. poor vaughn has never breathed fresh outside air or even seen the outdoors as she has been covered in blankets since she was born. poor thing!!

being a mother has made me the happiest i have been in my entire life. nothing holds a glimpse of how i feel compared to this. everyday is exciting, new adventures, faces, noises, I am forever amazed at how hearts dont litterally stop from all the love-when i look at her, it feels as though it should. what a gift, what a miraculous gift.