Kindergarten....already?

Dear sweet Vaughn-elise,
I am sitting here on the couch and just put you to bed, told you bedtime stories and said our prayers. And you bawled. Your sweet sensitive heart makes me anxious for you to start tomorrow and I know you will knock em dead. I am so proud of you and how smart you are and how you just go in and take over with your personality. We've packed your lunch, played games and hung out today. You keep asking me about what happened when I was in kindergarten, what my classroom looked like and and what my day was like. I tell you but I remind you your day might be much different and that's okay. You are nervous about all the routines, new people and the bathrooms. You have a thing with bathrooms.

I cannot believe how quickly the years, days, moments have gone. I cannot believe how much you've changed, grown, shown me. I cherish you. So incredibly much. You are my whole heart, and I am so excited to see the things you do and what you learn and  how you grow and the friends you make and the moments you find funny and to hear the stories you tell and all the fun things you will be doing.

Oh kiddo, my heart hurts that in the morning I'll send you off to be a big girl and I wont get to come out during the day and check on your or eat with you, or have you be my funny side kick. I'm gonna miss you kiddo.

good luck to you sweet Kindergartener!!!

Mommy is so so proud of you! You are going to be amazing!!!

I love you to moon and back a million times.


Mommy

60 ways to bullet proof your marriage

I was reading on facebook today, the below list of ways to make your marriage rock. Seems an obvious list but a good reminder regardless. Take a few, at on them and fall madly in love all over again. Trust me, its a rockin feeling.

1. PRAY TOGETHER ALWAYS
2. READ THE SCRIPTURES TOGETHER ALWAYS
3. Go on regular date nights
... 4. Hide notes in secret places
5. Go to bed at the same time
6. Listen to music together-share ear-buds
7. Buy him gifts he will love
8. Revitalize the romance with intimate dates
9. Wear shirts that tell the world you love your spouse
10. Praise your spouse to other people
11. Read a marriage devotional
12. Sleep in his t-shirts
13. Renew your vows privately with whispers and memories
14. Renew them publicly with cake and bubbly
15. Go away together at least once a year


For Women Only
16. Hang pictures of the two of you around your house
17. Make his favorite dessert
18. Make sex a priority
19. Spend time apart occasionally
20. Learn to enjoy something he loves
21. Surprise each other
22. Meet him at the door
23. Text each other from across the room
24. Set reminders on your phone to remember him/her throughout the week
25. Call him right now and tell him you appreciate him

For Men Only
26. Leave work on time and come home early
27. Engage every day in meaningful conversation
28. Compliment each other
29. Take one day a month to make your spouse your total focus
30. Argue fair: avoid these words “you always” and “you never”
31. Kiss every day
32. Find tangible ways to serve your mate without complaining
33. Forgive quickly
34. Be honest.
35. Get on the same page: plan your budget together
36. Look your best as often as you can
37. Guard your marriage
38. Laugh together
39. When you are together-BE TOGETHER (take a break from phones, technology, etc)
40. Tell her she’s pretty, especially when she’s not feeling it

Both
41. Make each other breakfast in bed
42. Do her chores for her
44. Get a couple’s massage or host your own privately
44. Dance together-soft music (both of you alone) or rocking music with the kids
45. Exercise together- hikes, bike riding, etc
46. Choose not to be annoyed by an irritating behavior/disappointment from your spouse
47. Thank your spouse often even for the least reason or gesture
48. Lay in bed together and stare into each other eyes, without talking
49. Learn something new together-take an art class, cooking lessons, etc
50. Leave a sweet comment on the Facebook wall
51. Support each other’s goals
52. Bring her flowers/gifts (even when she says they are too expensive)
53. Wear something your spouse loves
54. Share furniture-sit in his lap
55. Fight for your marriage
56. Make a point to eat dinner together most days of the week.
57. Never let your spouse feel like they come second place to your career or any other thing.
58. Talk about your dreams and aspirations. Be supportive of each other and dream big together!
59. Maintain a united front as your motto: Meaning- “Me and you against the world.
60. Speak well of your spouse.

Sometimes, Like today....

I feel like I am in a constant work/mommy mindset that I forget that I want to be pretty and feel beautiful. I know all women struggle with this on ocassion. Visualize: waking up far earlier than my body would prefer (not a morning person in the slightest.) staggering to the coffee pot while throwing my hair into a high knot, throwing some breakfast down for Vaughn and heading into my home office, in my pajamas, working my 9-5 and editing on my 15 minute breaks to keep up with the photo business, fixing a lunch thats nothing gourmet and entertaining V over my lunch hour. On occassion I run frantic errands over lunch to try to make it back before my hour is up and then as I run in the house, stumbling over the living room mess, thinking of the 7000 loads of laundry and the dishes piling up and sit at the desk for another 5 hours. I clock out just in time to make dinner, pick up what I can pick up while dinner is cooking, run a load of laundry that will sit in the dryer and get wrinkly for the next two days before I realize I havent taken it out. Evenings are full of photo editing, errands, bath time, etc etc etc. At 10 pm I look at myself in the mirror, hair still in a high knot,  no make up, hot pink exercise shorts and a big baggy sweater and I.hate.what.I.see.

I vaguely remember a time when I got up early enough to do my hair, make up and even (gasp) shower. When breakfast was hot and homemade and I had heals and a cute outfit on and didnt leave the house looking like a complete wreck.  When anyone could stop by (especially the boyfriend) at any given point (swoon) and I'd feel beautiful and prepared and lovely. now, when he calls and says "surprise-Im coming to see you. miss you. be there in ten minutes" I literally go  into frantic mode, throwing all messes into a rubbermaid container to deal with later, vaccuum quickly, jump in the shower, fastest blow dry of my life and throw on some mascara, still to look a hot frantic mess when he knocks at the door.

How. On. Earth.Did. I. Get. Here.

Now when I look at my closet I see clothes that are too small, too  big, frumpy, dont fit my lifestyle, dont fit my style (style? whats that?). I see a woman who has lost herself in the midst of life and who I desperately miss.

Ugh. One step at a time. Out with the old, in with the new. Garage sale season is here. Anything and everything I dont love is hitting the tables.

Starting fresh.

Planning our "first" Vacation!!! WHOOP

I have been wanting, dreaming, researching, planning our first trip to LEAF (Lake Eden Art Festival) in the mountains of NC for almost 2 years. They have a bi annual festival full of music, art, families of hippies and a vast array of family activiites from workshops, yoga, art classes, boating, kids only activities, you name it....they nailed it. One of them, in May and one in October (the same weekend as the annual Illinois color drive.) So this year, WE ARE GOING!!!!! I could not be more excited about anything, ever, possibly, no way. Origionally my intent was to fly as tickets are fairly cheap and the festival is Thursday-Sunday....but then along came Mr Wonderful and he has his sister and brother and law and nephew just on the other side of the mountain in TN. So, we've decided to make it a long trip. We'll be going for 11 days, stopping to see my grandma in Illinios along the way and making our way south through Nashville and then on to Knoxville to see his sister before the trip.

We are attempting to make this a very cost effective trip. We are driving all 15 hours both ways, with a 5 year old, camping stuff and regular stuff. (We have to camp all 4 days of the festival). Vaughn has never been in a car for more than 7 hours. So I need all the tips I can get on packing light, creating a FUN memorable road trip with as little hiccups as possible. how do you entertain a 5 year old for 15 hours in the car? Granted, we'll be stopping and doing things along the way but thats a whole heck of a lot of driving!!! Any and all tips would be amazing! 

Here is where we are going....imagine...breathe...ahhhhhh.......cant wait!

Wow, its been so long!!!

Its been 8 months since I have blogged. 8.months. Yipes! I needed the break and now, I can try my best to keep it up again. Try. I am already forgetting things and I hate that. Vaughn, I am so sorry I have not kept this up. So many great things have happened over the last 8 months. I wont go back and try to write about them all, but some of the greatness we have had is.... You started your second and final year of preschool. My heart is so thrilled and sad at the same time to see you getting older. You are such a beautiful soul. You take changes in stride and deal with them inside. I have done all I know to be the best momma and teach you well. You love preschool Love. It. You love your friends, the teachers and the routine. You are so routine loving. I am not. So this is a challenge but you really do best under a strict routine. You ask me a hundred times a day "whats next, how many more days until..., what do we do tomorrow, when is...., whats next, after snack then what, after art time then what, after nap then what!? I transitioned from working in a corporate suite in Des Moines to working from home. This has been bittersweet. It was my goal to be able to do this. I LOVE being at home, working from my bed, making my own hours and enjoying being able to eat lunch with Vaughn and run errands and do those things. I sometimes feel she is shorted as I am still home with her but cannot spend the needed time with her becuase I am working. I am constantly setting up projects for her, giving her something to do and then retreating back to finish a job. I feel awful, so guilty and not like a very good mom. Most of the time after she goes to bed I am working for another 2-3 hours and trying to get everything done. I miss her even though she is right here. She always says "how come your one of those moms that has to work." It breaks my heart. But it is just the way it is. I am a working mom. I have her signed up for 4 different summer camps this summer and am hoping to get her into swim lessons as well so she will have something to look forward to and do during the day. We had her birthday, my birthday, Halloween, thanksgiving, Christmas, New years, Valentines Day and St Patrick day. Each which we enjoyed so much. Vaughn for your birthday we had a pony party ( I will post pics on here soon)decorated in pink and gray and lace and a strawberry lemonade cake just like you wanted. You got an Easy Bake Oven and lots of calico critter stuff, dress up clothes for you and your doll, puzzles, art stuff, clothes. You were a happy happy girl! Christmas was such a blast this year. Every year you get more and more into it. For the first time this year you went and sat on Santa's lap. You were nervous. Very Very nervous but you did it!!! I was so proud of you and you were so proud of yourself! This year you really wanted the Calico Critter townhome which you got. You got your "American Girl" doll and her hair salon and arts and craft stuff and a scentsy buddy and a "ipad" (Kids tablet.) that you love. Its kept you busy on many trips, restaurant waits and daytime bored times. We did your 25 day advent bags again and rang the Red Kettle Salvation Army bells and you sang carols the whole time. It was a hillarious year as far as carols go. You sang proudly "Jank the Holes of Holy Fala." (deck the halls with bells of holly) and On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to be a Poor Bitch in a Bears Tree. Entertainment at its finest my love. You provided many laughs but just kept singing loudly! Jamison our leprechaun made his return on St Pats day and caused many shenanigans in our house and left you many fun gifts and gold coins as well. One of the biggest changes thats happened is I have met a man worthy of our time. Something I thought would never happen. Jamin and I met the beginning on December and I knew almost instantly I wanted him to stay around. He has been so incredible and I could have never written a list of things I wanted and needed in a man and ever described him more perfectly than he is. Its like he was designed exactly for me. I know it sounds crazy to say that since its just been a few months but he's been such a great person to have around. He really allowed V to take her time with him. I thought she would never come around and it took her several months to even really except his presence. He lives an hour away so is only here Friday-Sunday but she finally has in her own little way, accepted him. SHe wants him to do most things with her on the weekends now, she wants him to color, help her spell, tell her stories, read her books, answer her questions, get her a drink. Last night she said "I havent ever hugged him mommmy, do you think that would be okay for me to do?" And I said sure! She wanted me to ask him just to make sure and so he walked over and gave her a huge hug and she just beamed. I knew accepting a child would be hard for anyone who didnt have their own but he's been great. We're taking that slow for both of their goods but I think its going to be okay. He is such a great guy. I never knew what it felt like to have someone really cherish who you were or want to spend time with you or want to hear what you had to say. In the beginning I felt like everyhting I said I rushed through, becuase I didnt think any guy would really care what I said, but he does....he cares, he remembers, he asks questions. He gets me. Its the strangest thing. I never ever knew what I was missing. I didnt know what it felt like until now. It feels amazing. Anyways, thats a small recap of whats been going on. We start the kindergarten process soon for Vaughn, parents meeting in a couple weeks, then kindergarten assessments, then awanas awards night, and preschool graduation. Ugh. I cannot belive this is all happening so fast! Slow down time!!! She's my only baby!!! She's so excited for kindergarten. She's going to own it....but I'm starting to feel a bit sad about how fast its all happening. She'll never be home with me during the days again. These are the last of our preschool days. I cant help but shed tears at the thought. Lots of tears. Love her little self so much it makes my heart ache. Talk about long days, short years!

Being away from Vaughn 40 plus hours a week has not gotten any easier. With wedding season upon us I am now not only working full time during the week and spending evenings editing, my weekends are full of weddings and family shoots. I remember now, why 2 years ago, we made the decision for me to just cut it down to one job. My body, heart and mind dont keep up well with this schedule. Sunday, I laid in bed and cried. I had to get up for another shoot and my body hurt so bad from the non-stop-moving for the past month that I just wanted to give up. I know it sounds like I am whiny. I m not . Im just feeling defeated. I come home to a beautiful little face who is so excited to have her mama home, we are back to co sleeping and frankly, I'm fine with it. I like having her next to me since we spend so much time apart. Judge. I dont care. I miss her.

But for some reason when I am not home, I start to get more aggravated when I am home. The unfinished bathroom never bothered me when I was home and now I get so upset every morning trying to work around it. The undecorated walls never bothered me and now I want stuff hung. The "gotta be creative with what food we have" challenge was fun and now I hate it and loathe coming home to an empty fridge with no time to grocery shop. I feel like I stink at this. It makes me restless. It makes me sad. I miss Vaughnie. I so badly wish I had the days off to take her to the beach, the library, the movies, to sidewalk chalk, blow bubbles, play kickball, picnics and outdoor reading time, to take her to the park, the science center or on play dates. :( I need a better routine. I think I will have to completely cut back on photography at this point. Maybe one weekend a month.

I am going on a girls weekend camping trip this year with my girlfriends this weekend. This has been planned for months (long before I was thinking seriously about a job) and I am sooo excited about going. Sad that it will be a long week without V, a weekend away from her, another long week away from her and a weekend that follows full of shoots and a wedding.....but then July is free....I'm hoping to take her camping, take advantage of the free weeekends, hit the farmers market, garage sales and just have some good ole fashioned summer fun.

I thought financially  I would be able to pick up great with a job but its taking me a couple paychecks to get caught up. I'll get there. I'm ready to be able to not worry about all that crap. All the money stuff and just have enough to pay the bills and have a little fun. Keep us in your prayers during this time....neither V nor myself are doing real well with it.